8 Things Every Senior Deserves, part 2

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following is a podcast from a qualified senior care provider, hurt, on the answers for elders radio show. And welcome back everyone. We are here with Rebecca Bowman, the CEO of Sash Services and stands for sell as seniors home, and Rebecca and I are right now. We just started with the first to what I called bill of rights, but it really is first two rites of every senior which we talked about, was kindness and what was the other way? Patients. Those are the first two. I see. I should know that and it’s very, very true and something that you know. I think it’s not remiss or just try to even mention that because so many of us that maybe be a family member, we’re busy, we lead busy lives and so we just look at it like a business transaction, right. It’s not. It’s an emotional, impactful situation. Yeah, and so, Rebecca, thank you for, you know, bringing this up. I think it’s really important for families to remember that and also people in the industry, realtors, to remember that as well. So, Yep, no matter what kind of home they have, no matter where they live, no matter how long they’ve lived in it, we believe these are eight things that every senior homeowner deserves in their home sale. Absolutely that we started off with kindness and patience, which can often be the hardest. Yes, and lectually, especially if they’re your parent, is pushing your buttons. Sometimes were siblings or other types of things. Yeah, exactly. So. Our third one is decision making. Every senior deserves the ability to make their own decisions about their homesale journey, about their move out of their family home. And a lot of seniors families are well intentioned, but they’re in a hurry and they just want to knock things out, like you say, of business decision, and so they say, we’re doing this, we’re moving there, we’re hiring this realtor, you can’t take that lamp, you can’t do this, this is how much we can afford. And Mom are dad, who are sitting there listening, start to feel like the homesale is happening to them instead of them feeling like they’re in the driver’s seat. This sure their journey that they’re in charge of. So I encourage families to give decision making back to their aging loved ones and so allowing them to be in charge of their home sale whatever way possible. Even if it’s a small decision, it matters that it was theirs. So which lamp would you like to take? Of these two? Would you like to move in September or October? Which of these realtors made you feel more comfortable? Which plant in the front yard would you like me to take a sprig of so we can grow it in the window at new season? Community? Yeah, give them choices. Let them be in charge no matter what. And I always say to clients when I’m sitting in their living room, I say you’re in charge, I’m taking my orders from you. This is your home sale. I’m just here to do what you want, and I can see the way that it changes them absolutely to have that given back to them. You know, Rebecca, what you’re saying. I can I can go right back to my my mother’s experience with when with me, and this is before I knew anything, right, right, but I was a high powered, strong army, you know, pragmatic, let’s get it done, type of a daughter. I’ve learned since that’s the worst thing. So I’m was supposed to child that did everything wrong right. That’s all certain. I really not the case. You know, I said, mom I got it handled, we’re going to do this, we’re gonna do that, and it was like, you know, I remember the look on her face, absolute like digging her heels in and in. It humbled me because I realize, you know, I have a lot to learn and I and over time I did learn from her so many things that were incredible. But one of the things I think that so valuable in what you’re saying is is that allowing that decisionmaking process is critical in it’s critical in the fact that they have to feel the dignity and their Oh, there owed their dignity, their all, their pridency and their own, you know, life and they have to feel like life is not spinning out of control. And if and it’s there’s a dynamic to which we always talk about here in the show. If you’re the adult son or the adult daughter, you don’t to try to parent your parent all of a sudden or takeover, is absolutely the wrong thing in the world to do because it will never work. You know, it will only build more dissension between you. So in these types of relationships it’s like, you know, I think of words respect, it’s dignity and it’s honoring them, and I respecting the chair of where they sit in, which is your parent, and I think that’s something that a lot of people forget. Yes, they just take it over, and then that’s where it all starts to break down. I mean, are you professionals? Yes, and the professionals do this too, in that they go sit in the living room with mom, or at the adult daughter and the adult son, and there’s mom who’s in our S or s and they only talk to the adult children when mom is sitting there listening. This is her heaven. Doctors do that? I yell. The one was yeah, and I was going. I went to a home visit recently where they actually said to me over the phone, Rebecca, would you mind talking to him, because the other folks that have come have only talked to us, and I thought, all that’s terrible that you have to ask that. These professionals are pretending like they’re not even in the room. It’s their home, it’s their life, it’s their homesale journey that it’s their decision. This is we want to give the decision making back to them. So that’s number three, decisionmaking. Number four is knowledge and information, and again we go back to the sort of mindset of the adult child or the professional who has business, you know, tasks ahead, they have their schedule and they go, mom, that’s what we’re going to do, but not why. This is the information around the the things that we have. So, as an example, one time I was getting what’s called a CMA from different realtors, a comparative market analysis, and they come in and they tell you what your home is worth and what they think they could sell it for, which is realtors we do for our senior clients. One realtor came in and she said, well, I think you can sell for five hundred and fifty. She just pulled the number out of the air. Through it at me. I didn’t know why. I didn’t know what was the basis for it. She was confident. The other realtor came in and he said, let’s look at comparative homes in the neighborhood that have sold. Let’s look at how your home looks compared to them with updates and features. How many days on market our homes taking to sell? What’s your competition? What are the market trends right now? I can see when I’m sharing all this information with as in your homeowner, the satisfaction they feel that they’re well informed about why, asolutely, absolutely, why is their home valued that way? And so I say, ask me all the questions you want. I want you to feel like there’s nothing that’s a mystery, that you can just ask and ask and if you run out of questions and then you think of one in three days, call me back and ask it too. Yeah, so that you can be the best and well informed decisionmaker you know. And and what you’re saying is so important, because there are questions later. Yes, they might, or they might forget of something you told them and then you don’t. You need clarification and the fact that you open up that open dialog with the senior because there aren’t going to have questions. This is a huge, monumental things and I know that. I’ve worked just recently with a family that her husband had passed away in hand and it like like two years before, and she was realizing that, you know now she had to learn to take over the finances and she’d never touched finances at all. She never had anything to do with the finances right and so all of a sudden here she was having to figure out you know, what does all this mean? What’s the good thing for me to do? Where do I go? What do I do? Her children, her adult children, are arguing, you know, and so I just remember. You know, it wasn’t it was really a situation where, you know, I got on a frience call and I basically asked her in front of her children, in front of her children, okay, number one. You know, I said to you, do you? I said, are you ready to make decisions? Because the only person that’s going to do that as you right. And she was like thank you, and and I said in every single one of you, unless you’re enacting power of attorney, which you’re not yet. So you’re there to support whatever decision shanks. That’s the thing I think that’s so important. Well informed. So we’re up to four. Yeah, I miss patients. Decision making and knowledge and information, very basic rights that every senior homeowner should have in their home sale. That’s awesome and and you know, we’re going to continue this conversation, but first I you know how before we go into the next one, we have a little bit more time in this segment. So I really want to dive into how can families most support those two principles, because I think we talked about the rights of a senior. But if you’re talking to a loved one and say to mom, you know, I think you know your your cash resources are depleting, we’re in a situation where we’re concerned. How do you how do you recommend that you help facilitate that as a family member? Yeah, I think that’s a great question, Susanne, and really coming about it in a gentle way, not a confrontational way, not to lay it down at you. I’m just going to be straight with you, kind of a thing, but asking questions. Where do you see yourself in a year? Yeah, how will you be able to keep up with the housework once you can’t climb the stairs anymore? Yeah, will you be able to interact with other people? Sure, really gentle in terms of a conversation instead of kind of a laying it down. And I also recommend to families if mom or dad is you know, a lot of folks have this terrible image of nursing homes, of the s where you go to die, and they don’t realize these retirement homes are like a casino or a hotel. Yeah, ruise ship, they’re amazing. Just just offer just a weekend’s Day. How about just a weekend stay? There’s no commitment or even think to lunch. Just go to lunch. You know, let’s do a little outing. Let’s go over. We never been there, mom, let’s go check out this place. You know, will make a reservation, they’ll they’ll treat us to lunch and we’ll just look. There’s no, there’s you don’t even have to think about it today, but at least we’re looking. And Yeah, that’s the thing. I think that’s opening their mind up to what’s available. So, Rebecca, before we go to our next segment, how do you reach you find information on our website with stories and before and after photos and testimonials at Sash Servicescom. I am so excited about this prop just this whole subject, because it’s so valuable. Will and you know what I’m going to say. Everything you’ve said so far goes to any aspect of senior kiss. I have to say that, whether it’s moving into senior living, whether it’s a healthcare issue, whether it’s it’s a legal issue, anything like that. I love your thoughts. So, Rebecca, will be right back right after you. Answers for elders radio show with Suzanne Newman. Hopes you found this podcast useful in your journey of navigating senior care. Check out more podcasts like this to help you find qualified senior care experts and areas of financial, legal, health and wellness and living options. Learn about our radio show, receive promotional discounts and meet our experts by clicking on the banner to join the Senior Advocate Network at answers for elders RADIOCOM. Now there is one place to find the answers for elders