Aging in Place: Bucket List, with Daphne Davis
Daphne Davis at Pinnacle Senior Placements explains that as our bodies age naturally, we tend to focus more on survival-type thinking: “Who’s coming over today?” “Did I take my medicines?” “When can I get my gutters cleaned?” and other types of chores. Our brain becomes more occupied with those things rather than regular living. Our goal as we age is to continue living to our fullest, and having things to look forward to. The notion of the “bucket list” is to keep in mind that there are still things you want to do in life. Do you really want to focus your thoughts on cleaning out your refrigerator, or how about thinking instead about taking that watercolor class you always wanted, or challenging yourself to conquering some fear you’ve had.
View Episode Transcript
*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.
The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio and welcome back everyone to answers for elders with Daphne Davis and Susan Newman. We are here and we’re spending the hour on really, how do we trust the process when mom and dad are still at home their quote unquote, aging in place, but there’s this whole fear? I think that happens in a family when there’s a potential change. And Daphne, I’m really glad you’re here at this hour so that we can talk through a lot of these issues. So what is your experience? I’m just going to talk about you know, like I think a lot of times in including myself, I think a lot of adult children are in denial about their parent. I know I was. I was too busy with my own life. I was dealing with a corporate job I had, you know. I mean I lived two hours away from her and I didn’t see her that often. But you know, as long as she was driving to Seattle every once in a while to see a part play or I just didn’t worry about my mom. But I didn’t pay attention, and I think this is the thing I think that goes on with a lot of families. This is the thing that I was here from people. Oh Yeah, mom and Dad, my mom and dad still live at home. I see him a couple times a year. They’re just fine, you know, they they’re like their defenses come up. Yep, you know. How do you deal with that scenario? Because obviously in many cases they’re not just fine. No, usually they’re not. So let’s put out a broad idea here. Think about being in a survival mode or a living mode. HMM. Now there are so many things that we do as human beings to survive on a on an automatic brain share level. As we’re having more birthdays and our natural synapsing slows down, our brain power, our knee power, are everything just I mean we’re aging, our bodies are aging. It’s not a bad thing, but as that happens, we move more into survival mode on everyday tasks. Sure remembering my medication? Did I pick up the mail? Did I pay that bill? WHO’s coming over today? I got to get the garbage out by Friday. You know, Gosh, I hope it doesn’t rain because I didn’t get out into windows need washing. Yeah, my refrigerator needs to be cleaned. US just regular life things, which is now not living, that’s surviving, and so we’re occupying our brain and our energy level with survival type stuff versus living. Good Point. And so when, when you have a conversation early enough to start introducing this concept, people may, depending upon their personalities, may be able to start thinking like that. And our goal as we age in place is to continue living to its fullest, to keep doing the bucket list. Yes, and I love you shared that at the church and you know, I saw the seniors there that when we were there, they just brightened up when you talk about the bucket list, like it doesn’t matter if you’re going to do it or not. Is this something that is there something that you want to do in life, that you can look forward to? And that’s the thing that I think is so amazing that that is my new theme. Where’s the bucket list? And I have to say I borrowed this from from a independent and assisted living community, which I just love. But the bucket list is about remembering that you have things to do. Now that bucket list is going to probably be different from when you’re twenty years old and now you’re eighty five. But nonetheless it’s a bucket list. And so think about do I want to spend my time cleaning my refrigerator and getting the gutters cleaned out or worrying about hiring somebody to do it or walk it in the snow and the rain to go get my mail? Or do I want to think about my bucket list and I’m going to go to a watercolor class or I’m going to go and I’m going to challenge myself. Something I’ve wanted to do all my life is to meet New People and I’ve been afraid to do that. Something is simple as that on your bucket list and you can say I conquered that fear. Yes, how wonderful, how joyful. I mean, we’re not done living just because you’re eighty seven nine. You know, it reminds me of a story. Even when my mother was in skilled nursing. This is so crazy, but it’s it was. It was such a joy to me. Here she wasn’t and you know, in a little skilled nursing facility that she had a roommate, she was on Medicaid at this point. You know, she was in a wheelchair. She couldn’t you know, she needed help with all of her activities a daily living and she needed pretty much twenty before our care. But she was like she always used to look for in the woods when we’d go on hikes when we were younger. A little trillion plants of girl like the native and plants. You don’t see him very often. And I was out and I saw trillium and I thought I’m just going to pull that, you know, and stick it in a you know, in a pot, thinking that she’d enjoy it for the afternoon. She nursed that plant for months and that told me she wanted to live. Yes, she had that plant on her on her little window sill. She loved it and it was so crazy knit. The little simple things like that is amazing. It is. And so that kind of brings us, not so much to the crisis point. Yes, brings us to the point of thinking about independent living or assistant living, you know, and and down sizing and starting that process. And, believing me, there are some beautiful places here in Seattle, amazing. Yes, and a and it lives, independent living, active, vibrant, flexible, meeting your needs, resident councils that you can live and not survive. Now, believe you me, I know it takes courage. I change, I get it. Change is hard, but on the other side of that courage could be amazing bucket list accomplishments. Yes, on the other side of that courage it could be the laundry, it’s you know, or or it’s the other choice of I have to do my laundry, I have to take care of the yard, I have a gutters to clean out, you know, all of those things that that can wait us down right and that I get as being purposeful. I understand purpose driven lives absolutely. I live one of them and that’s important. But sometimes our purpose might be a little different. Maybe you’re you as the senior, in a position of sharing your wisdom, sharing your talents, having time that fits into your kids as schedule. Sure you know, because we know kids are busy and whatever and it’s hard to get together, but maybe your focus is going to be I’m going to be available when you know Joe and Susie can get together and we’re going to go have dinner together and we’re going to tell old stories. But to be purposeful in a different way, not in the way of what you know that bogs us down. Wow. So we are talking again to Daphne Davis from Pinnacle senior placements, and Daphne, tell us again. You tell us earlier, but tell us a little bit about what you do and how you help families. No problem. So we have recently expanded into serving from snowhomish all the way down to Thurston County. So we work in that area. We also work out on the peninsula. I’m so glad you’re up in my neck of the wits now. Yes, I’m excited about that. We have team members and a pinnacle that are specializing in each area. Unfortunately or fortunately, you always get me, so I’m a part of everybody’s transition or information. It is I’m a little bit of a micro manager in that way. Well, it’s important, I think, because you’re dealing with such a sensitive, vulnerable time and people’s lives. Yeah, and I think it’s important that we take your twenty plus years of experience that you’ve been in this industry. You You understand probably ten times more than the average person out there. I do not, you know what, I really enjoy my job. I still have great joy of helping families right now up in the snowhomish area. That holy cognitive woman has a degenerative disease. Just was told by your doctor she’s not going to walk again. And and just so you know, listeners, I talked to her husband and they’re in their S. I talked to her husband and she says, Daphne, can we he said, can we wait a week before we meet you? And I said absolutely. He says it’s such a blow that my wife isn’t going to be able to walk, and I said this is your journey, this is your timeline. I’m just here to support you in the best ways that I can. So we met a week later and we’ve gone through the process of educating them about options and adult family home is direction to go. And they’d never been to an adult family home. Wow, all they knew was whatever they might have caught in the newspaper or in a news story or something, and I’m telling you, it was such a joy to watch the daughter and the husband just kind of light up and have a sense of hope that, all my goodness, my wife is not done right. I can still spend hours with her and I can still do things on the bucket lists. Yes, that’s exactly right without the worries of regular, stressful survival, leaving right and and especially if you’re in a situation where you can’t walk, you know, or just having mobility issues, every single thing is hard. It is you know, it’s getting into the refrigerator, it’s trying to put things a close away. Yeah, it’s all the different steps of everyday living in especially maintaining a house. It can be overwhelming. So as the senior it does take a shift in your thinking, as we talk about, you know, not doing your laundry, not doing, not doing, not doing, think about the things now that you can do, the things that you can have time for, and that again takes curiosity and courage to explore and think about. You know, I always thought that playing, you know, Mexican Training Dominos was a waste of time. Well, now maybe you want to see what was this game that everybody was so exciting about, right? or or maybe you I have friends that love to play bridge or in my husband’s culture, Maj on, you know, maybe it’s there. Yeah, and you know, maybe there’s a lot of people. You’ve never done that before, and so it’s having the opportunity to learn new things because you have the time. And you have the environment. And I think the other thing is is the social side. Yes, just to close out the segment, because you know, isolating is not healthy for anybody. No, not one person. And I see a lot with seniors that live at home by themselves. And of course, the statistics or horrific of you know, seniors are. Clearly, if they’re living at home, they spend probably seventy, five, eighty percent of the time by themselves and that’s tragic, in my opinion. It is. But at the same time we want to honor their personality. Type. Absolutely, but but you can have kind of a nice balance of the socialization and your private time. You still can have the routine of your life and that’s where you, in my opinion, need someone to help you know what options are out there. And then, once we’ve decided on the genre of care and community, now let’s find the needle in the haystack together. Absolutely, and and not get frustrated in the process. So, Daphne, how again can we reach you? Eight, fifty five, seven, three, four, fifteen hundred and Daphne will be back from pinnacle senior placements in our next segment and will continue this conversation about again honor your parents where they are at home, but also how can you be the men most help and assistance in that process. So we’ll be right back. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom.
No post found!
Popular Articles About Aging In Place
Originally published April 20, 2019