In July, 2020, we’re still sheltering in place, especially those of us 65 and older. Going into our fifth month of the pandemic, Daphne Davis at Pinnacle Senior Placements talks about becoming more self-aware of how this isolation affects us, and how it affects caregivers.
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*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.
The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio, and welcome everyone to answers for elders radio. And it’s a month of July where so many of us are sitting out in the wonderful sunshine, or we may be out on our boats, or we maybe just hanging out on a patio, as we’re still met in many cases sheltering in place, especially those of us who are sixty five and over. And as a result, we’re very fortunate today to have our Wonderful Daphne Davis from pinnacle senior placements here with us to spend the hour and we’re going to talk a little bit, Daphne, about where we’re at with the whole you know, we’re now on our fourth month, aren’t we? Definite of you know, when I look with Kandemic, it’s overwhelming. So first before we start, how are you coping with everything going on? You know, thanks for asking because yes, uninvolved with our elders and our senior communities and care, but I had a kind of an Aha moment last week. But I’m helping so many people and in the sick of all of this and in my own home, so I don’t have a lot of interaction with other people, which is what I knew, typically on a regular basis. And all of a sudden I realize that I had to give myself some extra grace, that I actually could be a person that was being affected by our isolation and COVID and our change of lifestyle and change of thinking. And for some reason I just thought that I wasn’t going to get affected and so constantly. I want to share this story because I would venture to say a lot of our listeners maybe experiencing some of the same feelings, and that’s where it kind of is insidious. It sneaks up on you and all of a sudden we might realize that your patients level is a little off, but yet you can still pull yourself together, or maybe your energy level is different because now your daily routine is changing, or now that we’re going into our fifth month of this pandemic season of our life, we’re like, oh my goodness, is this going to be what my regular days are going to look like? I’m not sure I like that. And so some of it might be very subliminal, but to all of you, listen, pay attention to your body, pay attention to your thoughts, pay attention to your your time that you’re giving to yourself, whether your you are a person who praise or meditates or, you know, listens to music, reads a book, journals, whatever it is, please be sure to take that time for yourself. Week I was able to carve out about forty eight hours that I really worked hard on, just being with me and trying hard not to do my other families. Yeah, and I realize after that forty eight hours how renewed I felt, and so took to all our loyal listeners. Renew Yourself, give yourself grant, give yourself some time so that you can can be grounded again, because this is unprecedented time for us Americans and it’s affecting us. The ripple effect is so very great, and that’s what we’re starting to discover, and I think we’ll get time to talk about during our hour today, is that ripple elect and how to be consciously aware of it. But then also, in our humanity, in our place of ray of free will and empowerment, we can choose how we react to it. So I very true, I did about this. Yeah, I mean it takes more energy, but if you give yourself some of that time to recharge your batteries, to kind of acknowledge where you are at personally. Not You and your spouse, not you and your mom, not you and your kids, that you and your coworkers, just you. Where are you at? And three through it, just and you, yeah, breathe and your you are absolutely hitting the nail on the head that, you know, there are things that we can sometimes we tend to, especially those if you’re caring for a senior loved one. I will say a classic example of a family caregiver is somebody that will put themselves last often, yes, and they don’t think about taking care of someone else. They are you know, are they don’t take care of themselves even as equal to taking care of someone else. And yet there’s all kinds of things that are presented right now where there’s the feeling of guilt of you know, I should be there more for my parent, but you know, at the same token, I don’t want to put them in in harms way. I mean, are you finding a little bit of that struggle? A little bit? Definitely that all the time. Yeah, no, it’s constant and that’s where the evolution of of this period of time in our history is changing now. Now one of the ripple effects is the family dynamics, and I’m seeing that very strongly also. The other place I’m seeing it is in our elder population of married spouses, husband and wife, and how they interact with each other. And what I’m what I’m anecdotally discovering through just my personal, you know, interaction with people, is that there’s one spouse that’s meeting a more pronounced amount of support and the other spouse by getting disenchanted with that. They are tired, they don’t know how to do it. They’re not professional caregivers and please, and no disrespect that, they’re eighty themselves and so they have their own bodies right to pay attention to. And your brain is an amazing differently and your energy level is different. You who are spouses and and living together and and usually very isolated, please try hard to find that space in your own house. I mean our team late out loud, honey, I can’t have the TV on. Honey, please not snapping your gum. I’m just rang out loud. Whatever it is. You know, you’re clicking your thing, your nails on the table, again, I’m on my last and nerve. You know, please, you know, you more attentive. You’re bringing up some really valid points and I’m even finding that with my own husband. I’m learning to be to speak much what I need, but the other thing is is to also acknowledge that he’s going through similar frustrations as I am. So to be gentle with each other, I think. I think sometimes we all have a tendency, because we’re on edge, to react and sometimes it takes a little bit of effort to just say, to speak, but also speak gently, and that is something that I’m learning to be, you know, more cognitive of and, you know, soft and what I have to say rather than just coming out with it, because I think we’re all on edge, is then yeah, well, you bring up a good point. I mean, this is our family. We are with our family, so let’s just stay on them. Wife, you know, cohabitating with the people that we can be a very law with, we can be our no, this is not a public persona, this is our private persona, and now it also is our public, the Song Persona, because we have no others to go and so we’re exhaust stood. I mean it’s and that is where the Astra Minute. I mean just take a breath, say what you need to say for yourself. Say it with kindness. Here, with kindness. Nobody’s attacking anybody. That’s not the intent of our exchange. You know, there’s no one hacking. It’s mutual survival and many times I talk to families about the gift of care being moving someone from survival to living. My I would like to suggest that we’re all in some degree in survival mode. And when we’re in survival mode are adrenaline and our court as all are run and high, which means we’re fight your flight. And so God given qualities, I mean he made us this way, and so we’re in fight your flight and so many times we get to that defensive place rather than I’m just going to hear the words. I’m not going to make them about me. My spouse is telling me what they need. And you said so eloquently, Susan, think about your spouse is in the same fight or flight spot that you are right, you know. That’s where you have to stop and breathe and say, am I attacking or am I just stating what I need? Right anything, it really is and I think you know, with you, you’re dealing with families every day and they have the added frustration of not only being, you know, with each other, but there may be some care needs that are a rising due to the survival, quote unquote. That’s exactly niceity. So tell me what is that when right here, what are some of the greatest challenges right now that are happening in regard to that in your work? A scene that’s coming up for me is a scene that is coming up for me is family dissension that, you know, if there’s multiple people involved, it’s how do we communicate our perspective, because in a family dynamic everybody has their own role, everybody has their perception and their gifts that they bring to the table, and what I am finding very, very consistently is the person who is most involved with the care of parents, even if it’s that a distance. They’re just the person that’s ordering, you know, groceries and they’re getting them delivered or they’re getting the phone call that says, you know, my hearing a, batteries are I ran out, I need some more, or you’re right, is doing ADC. Whoever that person is in the family structure is wearing out and then the rest of the family. And this is this is universal. So if you’re going, oh my gosh, that’s me, you’re normal. Please don’t beat yourself up. Your normal and your siblings. Usually siblings aren’t in the sick of things and so they don’t see things the same way you do. Now, this is not a new phenomena. This is not because of Covid, but because of Covid, I think the intensity of the exhaustion and the amount of difference in thought and perspective is greater because we’re on it, and so that’s everybody is more than ever. Yeah, more than ever is reach out to the people that know about this called Pinnacle, like you, people besides me, the call me cause China, close in your placements and let’s just talk about this. You know, I’m I’m working with three families in this situation right now who mom and dad have been living at home. You’re okay, because of the ripple effect of Covid, things are starting to decompensate a little bit, physically or mentally, and also emotionally on my dad, and so now things are more intense and you know, three or two of the siblings who aren’t in the sick of it, are like, it’s not that big a deal. They’re still feeding, they’re sick. They’re not sick or making the doctor’s appointments. So you’ve got their medicine. What’s the big deal? Well, proposed to all of you. Please hear each other. This is kind of the theme of this segment, is to hear each other and have compassion, be open ended, to really see another point of view, and so everyone, let’s talk about that in our next segment and in the meantime before we switch off. How do people reach you, Daphne? You can reach me at my website, which is Pinnacle Senior Placementscom, on my phone number, which is an eight to five five number, seven, three, four fifteen hundred. That’s eighth fifty five, seven three four fifteen hundred and Daphne will be right back right after this. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom.
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Founder and CEO of Answers for Elders, Inc., Suzanne Newman proclaims often, “Caring for my mom was the hardest thing I ever have done, but it was also my greatest privilege.” Following a career of over 25 years in sales, media, and marketing management, Suzanne Newman found herself on a 6-year journey caring for her mother. Her trials and tribulations as a family caregiver inspired an impassioned life mission outside of the corporate world to revolutionize the journey that so many other American families also find themselves on. In 2009, she became the founder and CEO of Answers for Elders, Inc., subsequently hosting hundreds of radio segments and podcasts, as well as authoring her first book. Suzanne and Answers for Elders, Inc. have spent 14 years, and counting, committed to helping families and seniors along their caregiving journeys by providing education, resources, and support. Each week on the Answers for Elders podcast, Suzanne is joined by vetted professional experts in over 65 categories including Health & Wellness, Life Changes, Living Options, Money, Law, and more. Suzanne lives in Edmonds, Washington with her husband, Keith, and their two doodle dogs, Whidbey and Skagit.