Creativity With Seniors, Part 2 with Kelley Smith

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is provided by care partners living and answers for elders radio and welcome back everyone’s you’ve answer for elder’s Radio Network and we are here with the wonderful Kelly Smith from care partners living and Kelly Elly and I today are talking about creativity. That’s kind of a unique thing that we’re talking about, but it’s something I think that’s really necessary, as if you have a loved one or something like that. Sometimes we forget to have fun, sometimes we forget to lighten up, and I’m so Kelly tell us a little bit about how to do that. I would love to kind of just start at the base of getting creative. Well, I think a lot of times lightning up is also not taking everything that your senior says. Yeah, spreadibly personal. You know, especially if you’re in a community, you have to remember, you know, that a lot of times what folks are dealing with isn’t maybe reality, but it’s their perception of what they’re dealing with. Right, and you might see it a very different way, but you’re not in their shoes. No, you’re not the one that has a stranger coming in and cleaning your apartment. You’re not the one that has to have somebody help you in the shower. So so understand a little bit more about what they’re going through and put yourself in their shoes if you can, as for you know, taking a few minutes to try to understand it all in all honesty and really listen, not listen as a child, listen as a even as a peer, if you can, what would I feel like if I was in this same situation? Put yourself in their shoes if you can. That’s usually the best way to gain understanding with a senior, you know, and that’s you bring up a really good point, because they’re also raised in a different time than you were. Exactly. Know, their value system was formed very differently than yours, and it may be you know it, they may have evolved their values based on the times, but maybe they haven’t, and that’s okay too. It’s respecting who they are and respecting, you know, the position that they live in in this in this world, and I think that’s one of the things that I think we forget sometimes, and you know, I’m sure you have. You know you’ve run into situations in your life where people obviously have different core values and we all evolved as people, though, but not everybody evolves at the same rate. Would you tend to agree with that? I think I think that’s just human nature. I think that’s again just the nature of the beast. Is that? And you have to remember too, though, people have also had many, many different experiences that have molded them into who they am, and those same experiences apply to us as well. MMM, yes, I ke I was again, I was blessed to be raised with my grandparents and grandparents very, very close. Not Everybody was. Now some people didn’t even meet their grandparents until they were adults. Some people’s grandparents passed away before they were even while they were children, or never even got to meet them. So for some people, being around seniors is a whole new experience for them, and now their parents are old and they have no idea what they’re doing. So not everybody has the same experiences either. So for some folks it’s an easy slide and for other folks it’s a whole new learning curve. So if I want to be I’m an adult daughter and I want to say, you know, I want to start doing some creative things with mom and dad. How do we how do we shift to that. I guess my question is, why do we? Where does it start? The first thing that I would really recommend is take a look at who they were before they got sick or before they became frail. If mom loved to dance, maybe she can’t Boogie like she used to, but that doesn’t mean she still doesn’t love music. HMM. That doesn’t mean she still can’t take a swing with you around the kitchen. HMM. You know, that doesn’t mean she can’t enjoy fine things that have to do with things she used to love and that used to light her up. That’s a form of being creative. Listen to them if they tell you you know, like, for example, if you know that mom’s favorite thing in the whole world used to be, you know, antique shopping and thrift hand shopping. Well, maybe she can’t go all day that, can she go for an hour? Yeah, you know, what kind of things can she still do that make her feel like she’s still alive? Yeah, yeah, and I think one of the things that you’re saying is, you know, she may not be able to dance, but there’s I remember with my mom. She loved music, she loved to dance, but she also loved everything Sweden right and when the first Mama, MIA, came out, I said I’m going to take her and I knew that that was going to be really difficult, but I have planned it. I planned a day, I asked two girlfriends to help me, to go with me, and we would you know, we took her to lunch and that was a little challenging, but we did it and we and we we notified the theater in advance on that she’s in a wheelchair. They actually came out and helped her in. It was amazing. If just do a little bit of advance planning, think about you know what you’re doing, and make some phone calls and you’ll be surprised if somebody, you know, if you want to be creative, how many people say let’s do this, I will help you, and I think that’s really the exciting thing. And I know, like one of the things Sean said is that you know, you guys dressed up in costumes and we’re going to talk about that in our next segment. But what you guys had strategy sessions of how can we do some things together, and I think brainstorming with siblings, making them a part of things maybe can take some weight off of the primary person, that’s caregiving, because it’s a fun activity. I mean, wouldn’t you agree with that? Well, it all in all, honesty, Susanne, you just hit the nail right right. Hit the Hammer. Bam right there, because here’s another reason why people don’t get creative, while people don’t take the extras, because they put so much pressure on themselves to be I’m the caregiver, I have to do everything for mom. You can call in backups and you’d be shocked at how many times. You know, when you like. For example, when my grandfather was still alive, he loved to go to the Casino. Well, I worked, or I was trying to work. I took several months off when he was really bad, but there were times that I couldn’t do it. But I’d call some friends and say hey, you want to take grap it of the Casino today, and they’d be like, dude, we’re so there. You know what exactly? You know? We would love to take him for the day and he would have the best time with them. He come home giggling and having a great day and like all right, I love it, but I’m just saying it’s just it’s about finding out. Yeah, and and not being afraid to call people and saying, you know, my mother loves to paint, but today is one of those days and I could really use some reason, you know, some yeah, so, some help with this. Yeah, he shocked at how many of your friends would love to come help. It’s amazing. And I think the other thing that we forget about is just little things and talked if your loved one is in a senior living community. I will tell you in my experience talking to the staff, saying my mom, you know, we had a tradition every this is something that the community that my mom lived in, we had a tradition on our home on Christmas Eve that we always did oyster stew. And I had my mother’s recipe and I she was this was her last Christmas with us, which was really special, and I called the kitchen and I said, would you be willing to have let me bring in dinner for mom and I? And would you believe, not only did they do that, but they put us in the private dining room, they brought us, you know, salads and everything around it. I they heated it up for me and they served it and it was a big surprise and she was like, oh my goodness, it’s like it’s oyster stew and I and I spent Christmas Eve with my mom and that was little things like that that we can do that you that this, but the community. I couldn’t have done that without the help of the community. And you’d be surprised how many times if you go to an assistant living community that your parents live in, you need talk to the executive director and you talk to the chef. Yeah, the gentleman that lived in one of our communities that his favorite sandwich in the whole world, because the kids talk to us in advance. Yes, Favorite Sandwich was a Monte Cristo I am we had Monte Cristo Day and honor of him. Oh right, but lots of fun things. So it wasn’t just he got to enjoy it, but everybody did, and him feels special and he got to talk about why this was his favorite thing in the whole world and it just it was a wonderful day. That was one small thing, but if the children hadn’t been able to come to us and tell us a few things about their dad, that made a difference. Yeah, how would we have known and what would happen, you know, talking about how what a great thing to talk to your siblings about. What are the what are the top five things that dad loves? And yes, you’re going to have some commonalities, but I think between you you’ll come up with twenty things, because we all have different memories of our love, you know, our parents, are grandparents or whoever they are, and and to figure out ways in which we can honor those things are so powerful, because then the wheels can start to turn in motion. I mean, wouldn’t you say that that would be true? Well, it’s. It’s absolutely true. And I think a lot of times when adult children are thinking about a mom can’t live at home anymore, the first thing they’re worried about his care. Hmm, I got to find a community that’s going to have the best care for my mom. And then it’s finances. What’s sad to me is when I sit down and talk to these families, I’m like, well, but who is she? Tell me about your mom, because yes, all that stuff is going to get worked out and yes, that’s what we do, but there’s an underlying current here that needs to be addressed. Yeah, you know, and so yes, we have social assessments and things that are important to us. I need to know how long ago did she lose her spouse exactly, you know, and is it important that we talked about him or not? You know, tell us a little bit about some family traditions, especially if I find out that mom was born in another country, or their immigrants or, you know, whatever the situation is. Tell me about traditions and certain times of the year that are important to her so we don’t miss this stuff. Help us out and and I think that the families would come into assistant living communities and also carry that with them. It would help that transition be smoother, but also make that feel more like home to the person who’s going to be living there. Amen. Amen, and it and it doesn’t take a lot of effort. It’s like, you know, write a note to you know, the executive director and say, you know, I just thought about this or mom just mentioned this the other day and, you know, do you guys have any ideas on how we can make this happen and and collaborate? I think is really the important thing is there’s a lot of people in our industry that can maybe help and do some things and and we’re really excited to talk about those things. That are the bottom half of our hour now. And so, Kelly, in the meantime, how do we reach you? The best place to check us out as care partners livingcom. You can see all of the communities, check out the pictures, testimonials and if you look under admissions you can even see my mug on there. So and we love you. Are Not girlfriend. Your partners living will tell you everything you need to know about this. And so in our next segment we’re going to talk a little bit about creativity, but we’re going to talk about things to do, ideas, ways in which you can come together as a family and maybe have some fun. Think about in your life of what are things that made mom and dad laugh, made mom a mom or dad, you know, break breath and joy, and we’re going to talk about joy and creativity coming up next. The preceding podcast was provided by care partners living and answers for elders radio. To contact care partners living, go to care partners livingcom