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Senior Resources » Aging In Place » Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late, with Daphne Davis

Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late, with Daphne Davis

Statistics show that families stay in the land of denial until it’s too late. The financial factor is a huge part, but families are in an uproar at this time. Daphne Davis at Pinnacle Senior Placements says that we can’t emphasize enough that we have the kind of conversations with mom and our siblings of what could happen down the road. It’s a conversation that gets overlooked a lot.

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*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. Welcome to answers for elders radio. Everyone, we are here on a wonderful Saturday with Daphne Davis from pinnacles senior placements. Thanks, friend. We love there, we love being here. Well. You know, you guys have been such an amazing sponsor and we’ve had been able to do some so many incredible things together, like we did a workshop last month and we talked about, you know, last month was about, you know, what do you do when those transitions happen, and there’s been a lot of dialog but unfortunately there’s a lot of statistics out there that say families just stay in the you know, the land of denial until it’s too late. And you know we’re talking about financials. Their financial factor is a huge part of this. It is, but there’s also some just it. Families are in uproar at this time and so we can’t emphasize enough that. You know, we have the kind of conversations with mom and our siblings of what could happen down the road and let them be a part of that process. That’s right. It’s a conversation that gets overlooked a lot and I love to be invited into those conversations because I get to be an objective party, or any of my advisors that work for Pinnacle get to be an objective advisor and observer. And so most often what happens is people make a change and care and housing when there is already a crisis. Sadly. Yeah, and I understand completely why that happens, and most of it is all generated from a really good place. That says, I want to honor my mom and dad’s wishes, I want to honor my aunt’s wishes. I promised that, you know. I promised my dad that, you know, and when those promises were made we didn’t know everything that we know today, and so sometimes the promises have to adjust exactly. It’s like I always say, you know, I don’t like don’t ever take me to the doctor. And okay, I don’t like doctors or I don’t like dentists. Well, guess what, if mom or dad breaks their arm, you have to take them to a hospital, right. So is that mean? Just because they said that, you’re not going to treat that a no, this is this is the kind of crazy thinking, unfortunately, that we often do because we think that we have to honor our parents, quote unquote, wishes, when really what we’re doing is we’re doing them a disservice. You know, we’re still in a generation right now that our medical technology has gone so much further along than when those promises were necessarily made, and so we are dealing with health concerns that typically we haven’t had to deal with the past generations and and because of that, that is the driving force that we need to adjust to to have quality of life. So when you are the the child and you’re saying to myself, I know that mom and dad needs more care, but I know they don’t want to leave their house. I know that they don’t want to have someone in their house to help them, that’s when you could could contact pinnacle senior placements and say, Daphne, can you help us have this conversation with my mom and dad, so important. You know, it’s not that decisions are being made that day. It’s a process of gathering information to take away the fear of change. That’s what drives stubbornness. Stubbornness feeds us well too, but sometimes it’s not our friend and it’s the fear of the unknown, it’s fear of change. And if you can have a professional come into your home and have just, you know, over a glass of iced tea in the summertime and you know siblings are all getting together and it’s said over and over, mom and dad, no decisions are being made. We just want you to be informed and we have chosen to have pinnacle senior placements here because they can be objective. I know you for fifty five years. I know what I think you want, but Daphne’s going to be able to hear really what you want well, and you know there’s a big difference, because mom or dad are going to say one thing and that son or daughter is going to interpret it in an entirely different way than you is coming in understanding the facts, understanding what’s available and really reading between the lines of what, mom or Dad, are you really say? Yes, hit man, it is. I can’t tell you how many times a family member I said to me, have you like been in my mom and dad’s house, like you know how their life is going? And I said, you know, that’s just being an active listener and it’s a gift I’ve been given to be able to listen and be able to hear what’s between the lines or to ask a follow up question that’s appropriate and not putting anyone into defensive position, not feeling like they’re being backed into the corner. Let’s face it, we all have family dynamics. We we do good, bad and different. It doesn’t matter. They’re there, and so that’s where having a professional advisor can really be helpful. Well, and family dynamics change when a crisis happens. Yes, especially if Mom or Dadhave been the matriarch or patriarch of the family, there’s a huge shift that goes on. It just an energy dynamic that changes and often times that burden goes to one of the siblings that and they have to turn into the bad cop. That’s right it and that’s really hard. It’s real and it’s unfair, but that’s kind of the way our society is kind of set it up. It is. Or if you’re the spouse and you know your spouse needs, I mean that brings on a whole other let and if you have step children, that’s even worse. Yeah, it’s it’s just hard. I recently just worked with a family and it was a spousal situation and the wife was just like Daphne, you were a blessing just to be here to listen to my story, right, you know, or for me to get over the feelings of guilt that I’m abandoning my husband. That’s not it. That’s not it at all. And until someone walks in your shoes of care seven nobody gets to have any valid opinion until they’ve done your job. And so just don’t hang on to that too strongly. Right. So we are talking again with Daphne Davis from Pinnacle senior placements, who are also the sponsor of today’s program and definitely again, where areas do you serve in western Washington? In western Washington we serve many counties here. We’re in Snohomish, we’re in King Piers, Thurston, kits AP. Those are our strongholds that we have and I’m very excited to say that we have a really good staff of people that are trained properly and always have me. I have to have my little fingers and lots of things. I’m try not to micromanage everybody, but but you have me all the time to be able to help through any journey that you have well in the and that you know the people that you have are people that are very well you know. You know have elder care backgrounds and certainly have worked with different types of care options and different things like that. So that’s really valuable. It’s really, really valuable. The other thing is that we’re face-to-face. You will never get just emails or text or faxes or anything from us. You’re we’re going to see eyeball to eyeball and it doesn’t like what we talked about again and we’re going to emphasize it again. It’s okay, if mom or dad don’t need care yet, to still call Pinnacle and sit down with, you know, any others, you know, one of their advisors, bring them and have those conversations. It’s totally okay. Yes, and that’s the thing, I think that’s so valuable and important for us to all understand that we do have choices and we do have, you know, you have a resource in and with Daphne, and now’s the time to before that need happens, to say, you know, well, if mom needs care in the home, make sure that okay. Well, Daphne can come into mom’s home and say you know, we need to pick up the throw rugs, we need to put some grab bars in the bathroom and we talked about net. Daphne can observe mom or Dad walking, you know, if their chair walking or hanging onto things. Those are some things that Daphne’s going to recognize. That we is, as you know, that are just typical. Sons and daughters don’t necessarily recognize. You don’t have the professional eye, just have living and loving eyes. Yeah, that’s what it’s about and that’s where you should be. Yes, should be that daughter and that son, not the drill sergeant, not the person that is doing that. Leave that to professionals. And, like what we talked about, we want to make sure that whatever happens with mom or dad in the future, when the time comes, that they have those choice exactly right and they’re part of that process. You know a little analogy I can give you. As a three legged to think of it old time three legged stool, a little milk stool if you’re a farmer, and that three legged still one of the legs kind of goes little cattywampus and the other two can’t really hold it up. But if you think of those three legs as nutrition, representing nutrition, hydration and medication. If one of those things are a little off for your mom or dad or your loved one, that is an indicator that you should probably be paying a little closer attention, because if one goes off, usually the other two will follow behind. And so those are that’s just an easy thing to think about. Is is my loved one getting enough and the right nutrition? Are they getting enough hydration? Cannot stress that enough. hydration, hydration, hydration. And then if the medications are say Oh, I can still do the medications and you come and visit and you see a pill on the floor that they didn’t even know they dropped the very moment. That could be the blood pressure medication. Were they just completely forget or in my mother’s case, she would take two doses because she forgot that she took her pill and she ended up in the hospital. Yeah, there’s just just be kind of aware of those things, hydration, nutrition and medication, and if one is starting to falter a little bit, the other two are probably going to follow clothes behind. Yeah, and so what happens when a family meets with you? So we have a conversation. I follow the the person who’s calling me, the family member who calls me. I said I’ll follow your lead if we are up front and open. I’m up front and open and just talk about I’m here to tell you what your options are if and when you ever need to leave your home or have more care in your home. If I need to be someone who is, you know, a little calm, or I’m your best friend and just coming over to visit and I’m just observing your mom and Dad, I can follow your lead doing that, but it’s a soft conversation. I don’t sit there and take notes and, you know, drill sergeant, ask all these questions. Is Getting to know who your your loved ones are as people, and that’s really really important, huge, huge piece. So how do what? You know, when somebody meets with you and and they do that, what are some questions that they probably you’ll probably ask their that one. You know, ask what their normal day is like. Tell me about your day. You know, what kind of things give you joy? What kind of things kind of set you off on a crabby day? You know, I want to know who someone is as a person. Anybody can care for someone, but can they really love them and uphold the dignity of their life. That’s the difference and my job, as I see it, is to help you find the community of care that upholds your mom and dad’s dignity, of dignity and quality of life. It’s so and you know, and to keep them safe, right, you know, with the Caveat Pinnacle, is all about move one time. That’s that’s what highest value. Wonderful. So definitely. How do we reach to you reach me at eight hundred and fifty five, seven and twenty three, four, one, one, five hundred or you meet you can get a hold of us at our website of PinnacleSeniorPlacements.com. I am so glad you were with us today. Thank you again. You’re very welcome. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements, go to pinneacleseniorplacements.com.

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Originally published June 30, 2018

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