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*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.
And welcome everyone to answers for alters radio and I hope everyone is having a wonderful beginning of spring and I know that I am looking out around our gardens and everything like that and starting to see a little bit of green pop in. I know I have some little tiny buds on my rose bushes and that really makes me happy. And even what makes me even more happy is we have an incredible guest and one of our very favorites. The Wonderful Daphnee Davis From Pinnacle Senior Placement is here with us today. Daphne, and you’re joining us from the shell lamb I am today. I’m so excited to be a inch land with in the state of Washington that has bright, sunny blue skies and Snow Pink Mountains and I’m looking at the lake and life is good. Yeah, well, one of these days I have to get over there. So, but you know, you we have talked a little bit before our interview today and I’m really looking forward to our discussion because I think so many families have a personal story of someone that they loved and as they passed away and talking about the end of life, and I know that Daphne you have a recent personal story and certainly it’s something that I think a lot of us have questions about. But you know, one of the things you said to me that really rang true with me was the fact that people don’t necessarily talk about that, and so we’re going to kind of break that little barrier today and we’re going to talk about the end of life process and how, you know, families can best be, I guess, aware and understand the different resources that are available to them as so definitely I’m so glad you’re here to share not only your story but obviously the answers to making that process easier for everybody. So welcome again to be here. Will thank you and and my husband and I were just in Colorado and my motherin law recently passed away a couple of days ago, and the thing that really spurred me to want to talk about this was being sure that our families had resources to help them through this definite part of life. Death is a part of life and it’s I’m hoping that after this podcast today there can be a little less mystery to it and maybe a little more openness, particularly I mean, this is a time that you can lean on your spiritual faith. This is a time that you can lean on your family, certainly a time to be bold and ask questions that we typically are uncomfortable asking or saying, even particular words I learned firsthand. I mean I’ve been doing this job for twenty one years, helped a lot of people through this chapter of their life. But when it’s your family, you have different emotions that come up and we ever, yeah, when you’re a part of the family dynamic, you are aware of some of the other feelings that people more will have or, more importantly, we make up stuff and we assume things about other people in our family. And so most important thing that I’m going to start out with is communication. Courageous, loving, kind communication is really what’s needed as we go through this hour of conversation about the process of going through this chapter of our life, the chapter where you’re actually going through what we call an active dying process. I hope that it will be less mysterious, and so some of this conversation might be a little bit uncomfortable for some of us here today, but have courage and stick with us. Well, and I think some of the things that you’re saying is so true, because a lot of us out there maybe having what’s called a healthcare directive, quote unquote, in they’re you know, from their parents, and you may think, oh well, that you know, I’ll just be able to make quote unquote, decisions, but that involves also end of life and and many of us are put in that position. I know I was. I know I’m sure your family was, where you know you have options at the end of their life and it’s really on your shoulders on what is the best decision. And I think one of the things that you really resonated are I resonated with, was it’s one thing to tell somebody else this is how the process works, but when it comes to your own family, there in this where the the rubber meets the road, and I know to this day it’s so funny because we’ve discussed this. Yes, I know intellectually I made the right end of life decision for my mother, I know I did, but there’s still this little kings of guilt inside of me that says, maybe she wanted to say something to me, maybe there was something that she needed to get off of her chest. You know, did I take that away from her? All these questions that you ask yourself and I’ve talked to other people that have gone through it, exactly the same process and they feel the same way, because we all feel like, you know, did we do right by them? And so I I’m assuming this is very normal for people to feel this way. Is I really, I believe so. And how to eliminate some of these emotions that can come up, whether we want to call them guilt or second guessing yourself, Lah Wote, playing God or you know, whatever you’re bring those two one way to lean eliminate that is by having conversation with the person who’s on hospice or Palliative care. Sure, now we’re going to talk about some of those those terms, but have conversation before and I’d like to use my recent story with my mother in law, Margaret, and I want to be fine with that, but she has just to give you a little bit of background, she has lived a very full life, very active, had no dimension, no cognitive challenges at all. She’s eighty eight years old. But she did have Parkinson’s and she the PD. She had consessed the part failure as well, and so she had been, you know, working through those disease processes. I would say for about nine to ten years at different wow amazing acutely, probably in the last five years and severely in the last year. And so I name these diseases because they are aggressive and are not they’re not ones that are going to be cured, and that’s an important piece to add to the discussions that you have. That when you’re considering these conversations and learning about Palliative, which is more curative, Still Possible to do curative treatments, still has the whole of a disease process being cured at the same time having comfort and having quality of life as much as possible, whereas hospice is not curative. Right, when so to a hospice service, that’s when you’ve decided I don’t want to do any of the curative if it’s a cancer thing, I don’t want to do chemo anymore. I want to be comfortable, I want to add quality of life, and let’s figure out what that means to that particular person in terms of comfort and quality of life. But those are the broad chain differences between palliative and hospice. Right they’re paid for a differently. PALLIATIVE is usually paid for by a private insurance, by your health insurance. Sometimes it has to be paid for privately. Sometimes of not even available, depending upon where you live. But hospects is completely paid for by your Medicare light right now. So you were in Colorado. So obviously their processes are a little different than what they are here in Washington State and obviously we have families right now that may have senior loved ones and other states that we may be concerned about. Let’s say that mom or dad are have been diagnosed. How does somebody find out, like what the rules are in that state? Like, where would they go? Because here’s here’s a considering situation. Let’s just say mom or dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer. Right, there may be a better solution for here in Washington to bring them here, right or maybe not? That could be considering decision. And could it not? It definitely could. If it was one thing I learned, and it’s not because I do this job, but if there’s one thing I learned, if you do need to have a third party advocate you as a as a family member, are having such a hard time in terms of figuring out how do I manage my emotions, how do I manage my my intellect? What questions am I supposed to ask? I’m sleep deprived, I’m stressed out, I’m worried about my mom. Now in the emotionally charged not only the situation but by siblings, yes, by everybody has their own opinion about where, you know, what should happen, and none of it is coming from a logical professional mindset. It’s coming around emotion. Yeah, and so I mean the doctors for the person’s primary care physicians should have some information to reach kind of this hospitalization as to talk to a hospice or a palliative care coordinator and start that process of having some information shared with you. Please get to the place of understanding. If you’re asking for those those services or to gather information. That’s not saying this person is going to die. No, that’s saying that we want to be prepared. I mean, I can I know the feeling I had, and Margaret and I had many conversations about her choices. But when it comes right down to it and you say, Margaret, do you want to be comfortable for today and tomorrow, or do you want to keep doing services so that’s you’re alive and three months or six months, for a year? That’s very hard to ask someone, but it is necessary, it is a part of the openness and it takes courage to ask those questions. That a lot of courage and a lot of you know. I think the other thing that just to close up the segment, is if our listeners are have a healthcare directive for their loved one, know that they’s place. They’ve trust in you and they trust your judgment and believe in that, and I think that’s one of the things that I’ve come to the fact that you know trust you our own advocacy. You know be that advocate, you know share in that heart and know that you can trust in that process, and I think that’s something that we definitely could all benefit from reminding ourselves for absolutely they chose you to be their power of attorney or health care medical power of attorney for a reason, and hopefully this is what I want you to walk away from in this segment. Talk to them, and I don’t ask that person that has empowered you to be their advocate what they’re really like and have the courage to talk about scenarios. Now, if that’s something that’s a little difficult, you call cinnical senior placements or someone like us. You. We’re going to talk about dues and of life, doing excellent resource. It’s not well known but an excellent right. It’s new, it is coming up. We are going to spend this hour talking about that. That is uncomfortable and so in the meantime, if you are struggling with the loved one and at the end of life, you certainly can call Daffy and definitely. How do we reach you on the phone? You reached me at eight five, five, seven, three, four fifteen hundred and always check out our website at pinnacles senior Placementscom awesome and everyone definite will be right back, right after this.
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Founder and CEO of Answers for Elders, Inc., Suzanne Newman proclaims often, “Caring for my mom was the hardest thing I ever have done, but it was also my greatest privilege.” Following a career of over 25 years in sales, media, and marketing management, Suzanne Newman found herself on a 6-year journey caring for her mother. Her trials and tribulations as a family caregiver inspired an impassioned life mission outside of the corporate world to revolutionize the journey that so many other American families also find themselves on. In 2009, she became the founder and CEO of Answers for Elders, Inc., subsequently hosting hundreds of radio segments and podcasts, as well as authoring her first book. Suzanne and Answers for Elders, Inc. have spent 14 years, and counting, committed to helping families and seniors along their caregiving journeys by providing education, resources, and support. Each week on the Answers for Elders podcast, Suzanne is joined by vetted professional experts in over 65 categories including Health & Wellness, Life Changes, Living Options, Money, Law, and more. Suzanne lives in Edmonds, Washington with her husband, Keith, and their two doodle dogs, Whidbey and Skagit.