Healing Overview with Daphne Davis

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements. Ll See and answers for elders radio and welcome everyone to a wonderful July weekend, as we are here with answers for elders radio and are Wonderful Daphne Davis from pinnacle senior placements. Daphne, welcome back to the show this week and I’m very excited about the topic we’re going to talk about today. Me Too. Thank you so much. You know, one of the things I had a brainchild of earlier this week about what’s going on right now with our seniors, and I think really the theme has kind of come in is families are coming together again, but there’s also been a lot of stress and strife and you being the you know, the coach and the helpful information post and also the person that kind of helps make transitions. You know, we’ve seen a lot of, you know, anxiety, you know, mistrust of information, people at odds, people not knowing how to, you know, cope with then an eventual change, and so you kind of work with the one and one with families to help them get through this. And so when I was thinking about what we really need on this show, which we really haven’t talked about yet is healing and how families can come together to heal all the things that happen through this turmoil. And so first of all I want to thank you for the work you do, because it’s probably more needed now than ever, not that it’s not ever needed, but right now it’s super needed and certainly would love to get your thoughts on you know what goes on in this world right now and how are things happening and how can families heal? It’s a great topic to talk about and we haven’t specifically had healing as a process. We typically talk about the time so the family is together before the healing can start. It’s the time of crisis, the time of stress, when big family decisions are being made, and every family, just let me tell all of our listeners, every family has a unique story, every family has unique dynamics, and so one of the big pluses of working with pinnacle senior placements is to allow that uniqueness to unfold, to let your story be the guiding force on how we work through the maze of information for Senior Housing and care, and so we walk alongside our families and, like like, I’ve already stated, it’s usually to the crisis that we talk about and that is the first, first thing that we deal with and that’s the thing that people really focus on. Is like there’s changes happening, you know, if you’re the grandson of grandchaughter with with GRANDPA and grammar or my aunt and uncle or my mom and dad, and it’s hard, it’s a lot of a lot of the things that I’m dealing with right now with families is more so than ever and it’s always, always around, is the element of denial and to start there, with the place of trying to ground a family in reality, with kindness, with compassion to their story, because of the uniqueness of the story, everyone has different perspectives of what’s going on with your loved ones, and that’s sometimes where the discontent starts. It’s within a family. Everybody has their own perspective because you all have your own journey. If there’s multiple siblings in a family, you all have your role in a family. You all have your different relationships with each other as well as, and let’s just focus on mom and dad right now, as well as with your mom and dad, and so sometimes there can be a little discord within a family when we’re making huge decisions, especially if there’s some pushback from mom and dad. HMM. So you know, I’w many times do we hear the phrase you’re not taking out of me out of this house, except on a stretcher? You know kind of or you know. Or there’s the misconception of you know what senior living is or what an adult family home is, or you know all of the things of the fear of the unknown or and and that can sometimes create coughton. Wellno, off, it often creates conflict because of this ignorance of what is out there and and the fear of learning about it. I think there’s a whole point of I don’t want to hear it, you know, I want to stay in denial, like you were talking about. Is Are you finding that that’s the case absolutely with in a family, I mean very educated, informed living in the world, biglife? I’m finding even if in a family that’s got lots of information, they can be exactly a hundred and eighty degrees wrong in let is available in assisted living, memory care, adult family homes. One family member can have one perception, another family member another perception. Mom and dad have another perception and someone like myself or any of our team members from Pinnacle senior placements can come in and help give the reality and with compassion. That says, let’s let’s skip the step of the discord and let’s get real information. The other thing that’s happening right now in our society, coming off of a pandemic and trying to get back to real life, is that there’s a little bit of a distrust in where are things going forward? WHO DO I trust? How do I know this information isn’t just a sales pitch? How do I know that this is going to last, for my mom and dad situation, for more than three to six months? Does anybody talk to you about long term versus short term? Sure is it brought up about the propensity of having to move a second time once you’ve moved out of your home and how to avoid that? There’s so many questions that can avoided to help the healing process get too quicker or be mitigated, because it’s usually the discord that causes that healing process to even come up. The second thing that can happen in terms of creating the need for healing is just the sense of loss and that’s a big one. A sense of loss is huge and again that comes from your perspective. It might be as a child seeing your mom and dad not the same mom and dad right and really being out of sorts as how do I do this new relationship? And you’re feeling as shift in rolls from being a child to maybe being a CO parent or a friend or, you know, the Attorney d light of type type roll, and that can be uncomfortable when you’ve had your rock, your mom your dad all of a sudden need your help in a way that they usually helped you. And obviously, with when the whole family’s involved, everybody has a different relationship with that parent. So how you know one sibling may view the monumental role of a parent. You know, it might be a different parent that they’re more attached to. That, I mean, that’s normal process. So everyone has their own experience, their own value system, their own belief system. There, you know, everybody comes to the table and all of a sudden they’ve got to somehow find common ground, which can be difficult when so many high emotions are involved. I mean, I’m sure that that’s what is happening out there. It is birth order, you know, plays a big part in that in terms of what personality traits come out in multiple, you know, the siblings of a family, and to be able to honor each of those just because someone is a take charge and can, you know, say, Yep, this is what we’ve got to do, to be very pragmatic move forward. Another sibling is a more emotional. Let’s slow down, give mom and dad time to think about this. No, we’re not emptying the house while they’re still there. We’re not going through the boxes. This is too emotional. Both of them are just as valid as the other position, but it’s how do we walk through that together? Yeah, how do we talk about those changes and in perspective, how do we talk about the common goal? And that’s again what we had pinnacle do is help family stay focused on the common goal and usually succinctly stated, that’s that mom and dad are safe and that they have a dignified life with a world that’s as big as it can be, with their unique story. Absolutely, as long as we stay focused on that, usually we can avoid some of the discontent. We can talk about the elephants in the room, because there are multiple elephants in there. I’m sure station and with guidance with the third party person it’s much easier to get through those hard conversations than doing them alone. Absolutely. Now, obviously you do a lot of this work in person, but through the pandemic you’ve had to adjust and do it through zoom. Have you found it different? And we’re human families. It is different. First of all, in the beginning and still today, I have a family that’s spread all over and we’ve got a Friday, you know, appointment settled and set set up and some of the people are going to be there in person and some are going to be remote UN zoom. So now we’re kind of doing the hybrid, but the cut of the hybrid. Yeah, it is different. I am always going to be a person that prefers face-to-face, your whole people. We’re not too dimensional, we’re not one dimensional or three dimensional plus people, and so being able to feel the energy of people, being able to see how people’s body language is communicating, those are all part of our communication style. Some families are like, Oh, I don’t want to be scrutinized. This is not about scrutinizing, this is about helping you make a decision in a right as full time. This is at about, you know, streamlining. How can we get to the end result with as as little pain as possible, again, always upholding dignity, always including key players, with the goal of having people be safe. Right. That’s the goal. Otherwise you can be talking to me or you wouldn’t be looking at a change if there wasn’t a safety issue. Exactly, exactly. Well, you know, I love exploring this topic this hour and so, you know, obviously, as we go through this hour, I want to talk a little bit about healing, not only between siblings, because that’s a part of it, but also the bigger piece is this healing piece with your parent. There may be some, you know, situations where you were talking about trust. That’s that’s huge and I think one of the things that we really need to look at is there may be also some long term you know, maybe there was a breakdown in your family from a long time ago when they made the transition. Maybe there’s some relationships that need to heal and we’re hoping that we can talk about this hour. So in the meantime, Daphitely, how do we reach to you can always reach me on a phone at eight hundred and fifty five, seven, three four one fifteen hundred. That’s eight fifty five, seven, three four, one thousand five hundred and a wealth of information is at Pinnacle Senior Placements Website, which is Pinnacle Senior Placementscom. That’s great and again we’re talking about healing in the family and definitely will be right back right after this. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom.