Holiday Visits: Keep It Simple, with Daphne Davis

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio, and welcome everyone to answers for alders radio on this month of November. As we talk about culture, connections and celebrations, that’s the all three things coming together and it’s really about how do we establish the best rapport and connections with our senior loved ones as we prepare for the holiday season. And we are in a for very good treat because today we have our wonderful Daphne Davis, was with us from pinnacles senior placements. Daphnee, thanks for being here. Oh, you’re so welcome. I’m happy to be here and I’m glad you’re going to be with us for the entire hour because there’s so much to talk about and people go, well, what do you mean culture and connections and rapport and all that stuff, but you know what, I really believe we can all do better and you know, as generations come and and come beyond. I know with my my parents, they were from what’s called the greatest generation. Their traditions were and and way of being were very different than our sex, drugs and rock and roll, baby boomers that I came from, and so right away there’s a division, right, and obviously you work with that all the time with families. So tell us a little bit about your thoughts on the topic. Let me get give you a broad brush just to start with and hopefully we can stay on this pace. Yes, for the whole hour. Yes, keep it simple. HMM. Think in terms of it doesn’t have to be Glitzye, it doesn’t have to be showy, it doesn’t have to be a lot of time. Whatever it is, keep it simple. So that’s my overall umbrella about when you’re in engaging in planning for the holidays, that whatever your family traditions are, getting together, having cultural experiences, think simple. It doesn’t have to be over the top. That’s our generation, you know. That’s our current culture. Our current culture is lights and flashy stuff and being entertained all the time. Think in terms of radio as an entertainment, singing songs, getting together with family. You know, the lemonade on the front porch, but it’s a HOMCO meal, it’s a family recipes. It’s simple, simple, simple, simple. So as we’re embarking in this time of celebrations, be thinking along those lines. And hopefully during this hour we’ll have some specifics about how to how to do that. And so one of the things that I want to talk about right away is if you have loved one that are in care communities, whether that be a nursing home, assisted living, a Doulpe family home, memory care, remember that your amount of time there isn’t what’s important. It’s that you’re they’re visiting, even if it’s fifteen minutes. Keep it point simple. You don’t have to block out the whole day. Are Thinking is to be efficient. I’m going to drive there, I want to spend a couple hours, I’m going to do this that it’s overwhelming. Yeah, keep it simple. Well, I think two hours is too long. Could anybody, and especially if you’re in you like a memory care situation or anything like that? You know and there’s you could talk about maybe some indicators that that people could kind of pick up on if it’s getting too much, because I had to learn the hard way. I didn’t connect with some of the things that my mom would start feeling overwhelmed by and because she didn’t voice it to me, she had a little bit of dementia. She didn’t understand and it took me a while to figure out what those signs were. They are signs that you have to kind of figure out. Things like you lose eye contact with someone, they’ll they’ll look at you, kind of throw you they’re not engaged with you any longer. They might not be able the answer questions are follow in the sequence of the conversation. They’re off in left field. Yeah, you know, they’ve zoned out, they’ve checked out. or it could be that their brain has been text enough and says, okay, my snapsing isn’t going to happen any any longer. It could be they get fidgety. Yeah, you know, people get fidgety in the chair. They’re looking around their puttering with stuff sitting around them. They’re all rid of all of a sudden picking up all the lint off of the blanket that’s across there. Something that there are other things that are more important, or or they have to find a way to check out because I can’t keep up with you anymore. But I’m going to I’m going to keep my my social graces as much as I can. But these are the indicators that could say this is going on. Yeah, or if they’re outside, if you’ve picked up someone you know and now you’ve taken them to your home or you’ve gone out for a cup of coffee, and please be very aware their home is now their safety spot right now. This is different for every single person, so your story and your family might be a little bit different. But if you watch for the FIDGETY, watch for the looking around, looking at their watch, all of the little telltale signs that are socially appropriate but yet indicators. Well, and I used to see my mom get. Would get snappy. Yes, sure, and I should say and it was it was because the filters. Oftentimes we’re gone, especially with the family, she just say which he thinks and there would be things that would come out of her mouth. All of a sudden it would be like wow, mom, where did that come from? But I got to the point where, you know, she would just have it. The other thing is she would complain about things. It would be like I don’t like this. You know, all of a sudden I would start to see this, this kind of spiral, and I’m going like mom’s done, yeah, mom’s done. That’s a really good one to remember is when we get on the woe is me list or when we get on the the trump card playing I call all the guilt cards. Yeah, if you’re starting to go down that path, just say, oh, mom, you know, I lost track of the time. I got to get going. Hmm, you know, just gracefully get out of there because you’re going to be put on edge right now. We’re going to a world that’s not anything about developing culture and relationships and celebrations. We’re in the different land. Yeah, yeah, so those are really good things to pay attention to. Also, pay attention to is it before or after lunch? What is your loved one’s Best Teen Yeah, Oh, big time. What is there? Let’s talk about this, because I think this is really important and and we are talking again. Everyone to Daphne Davis from Pinnacle senior placements, and we were so glad you are part of our expert team because you are definitely the information post and I love to come to you with all of these amazing questions. And let’s talk about routine, because I think that’s one of the key issues that we forget. You know, we are so busy in society and we do, you know, every day’s different, even if we have a job that we go from nine to five we have different activities and different things at night. As seniors get older, they like routine, Yep, they like things the same. They want to wake up at the same time, they want to eat the same thing in the morning, you know, and in a part of that also is to allowing their routine to rule, because things take longer. My Mom listens to this program so, mom, I’m going to apologize for you, but I’m going to tell story about her. My mom is very bright, vibrant, totally intact mentally. Her body is kind of failing her, just through our thritis, and so things take longer to do. And in my mind, because I look at my mom, who’s socially involved, driving, participating in life, I forget that just getting out the door might take a little more time. Standing up and getting ready to walk across the room takes a little more time. And when you have all of those little things add up, now you’ve had to add ten minutes, fifteen minutes to the time clock of getting out the door. And here we are saying come on, mom, we’re going to be late us, we’re gonna go, we gotta go, and mom doesn’t move as fast as we do. Yeah, good and point that’s where, you know, in that routine of whatever our loved ones do, honor the routine. Good Point, which means you have to take a date breath, which means you have to sit in the chair a little longer. Plant the idea of we’re going to get going in ten minutes. Mom, is there’s anything I can help you with? Dad Did? Do you know where your hat is? I mean start planting the seeds of what do we have to go through, because there might be some oh gosh, I don’t know where I put my hat, you know, and it doesn’t leave the house without his hat. All of these routine things we have to honor rather than get frustrated, rather than push ourselves up against the time clock. You know, church starts at this time. We got to get are accordingly. Yes, allow for time, allow this so huge you will avoid all kinds of frustrations, not just for your loved one, but, I’m going to tell you, for you, the visitor, you, the person who supported when I think too, we often forget the little things, like I learned the hard way that, you know, when my mom was in assisted living, I would always stop by the nurses station if I was going to take her out for even and after noon to say is she does she need a medication? What? You know, what do I need to do to make sure that there’s some consistency? Because even if there’s she’s an hour late on a medication, that’s not necessarily a good thing. And so just be more mindful. Yes, have a little bit more attention on what is the daytoday process and I think it’s important for them. And we talked about naptime. Most seniors love to take a nap by my mom did. It may not even be a love, it’s a necessity. Yes, yes, so don’t just, you know, skirt that off. Those things are important. Schedule your time. So maybe it’s take mom to lunch and then bring her back for, you know, a nap and then if you want to, if you have friends or family from out of town or whatever, then come after or you know. And then I think the other thing is just just to really take the time to get to know what that routine is, I. which I don’t think we do very much. No, we don’t. The other piece you brought up is when you have a loved one in a community of care, being communication with the caregivers or the director of nursing. Let them know that this day is coming up, we’re having visitors on all good point and have them be a part of the team so that they know that, oh, this is a SPEC sectual day, eggs is going out. Let’s you know, and remind her if it’s appropriate. That says, Oh, do you want to wear something a little special? You know, no, rather than and Barry deal them later. Yeah, that well, I forgot and I just got my you know, regular household star where they fuss because they and I know with my father if I was going to come visit him from you know, drive down to Vancouver, Washington to come see him, he would pace all morning until I got there. Just it was just it was a lot. So I learned also give plenty of time. Yeah, in that pacing story that you’re telling, some people don’t do well knowing ahead of time what’s going to be happening. Yeah, and so that’s again working together as a team. I know some of this might sound very obvious, but the families that I work with, when I’m in their home and we’re talking about routines and habits and likes and dislikes, they are all about. Have you been sitting at our kitchen table and they’ll say to me all the time, I didn’t even think about that as an indicator. Wow, so let’s talk about in the next segment. So Dad name will be back right after this. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom.