Holiday Visits: Quality Time, with Daphne Davis

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. So welcome back everyone to answers for elders radio and I’m here with Daphne Davis from Pinnacle senior placements and we’re going to talk a little bit about, you know, the whole thing of, you know, just having that when you have conversations with families and when you’re sitting at the table. Tell us before we get into that, deaf Nie, what is it that you specifically do for families, because I think that’s important. Yeah, well, I do too, absolutely. So I meet with families and I’m an information, information post for families in terms of gathering information about alternatives of living and care outside of the home, and so I can give you unbiased information about different types of housing and care. I help you, as a family, discover what your highest values are. What is a long term plan? I help you discover how to maximize the buying power of someone’s estate so that we are fiscally responsible with someone’s estate. Very important to do that, and so it’s just kind of an all over information of I don’t know anything about ABC topic. Tell me what it is and I’ll say this is what I can tell you to help you, or I can get you in touch with people. And you know, I have to say a personal story. I’ve been working. I sent you a gentleman that had had some issues with diabetes and he was young, and he is young, but you know, the thing was that I was just appalled at how he had been initially treated through this process and it just upset me like he should not have had to shuffle from place to place when he’s trying to get well. And in speaking with his mom, it’s like it was really important for me to connect him with you because I knew that we could have a stop to the merry go round Susa and I thought the same thing. Oh my gosh, when I was there, I have to tell you I was biting the side of my cheek to not show my anger, because it was appalling that he did not have guidance. That no readily available. It’s just a matter of finding it right and reaching out for it and listening, because this should not be know, a process that is exhausting. It will be tumultuous, it will be a change, it will be emotionally charged, but it doesn’t have to be just shaking up your whole world that people aren’t content. Well, and here’s the thing. It’s I always say, it’s harder to live in limbo than it is to at least know what the the end game is. You know, and I think a lot of times a lot of people in our industry sadly don’t think about that piece. They think about what what needs to happen right now and how do we deal with the issues at hand? And I and so obviously you know, this is something that I think you do so different than so many people out there that you really take the time with people. I met with this family and they were thinking that they were going to have to make a move and that this was not going to be able to sustain where he was at it the time, and by the end of the time that I spent with them, about an hour and a half, we agreed that he should stay where he’s at and we had, you know, six to nine months and we had a plan of what would be the litness of right when we’re ready to make a right move in getting back to being more independent. But there were some things he had to do and we talked about that together as a team. One of the Nice things that came out of that was I was able to play the role of bringing mom and son together and so that they could hear each other and not stumble over their relationship, which was healthy, but they still would stumble over it. and therein lies why we’re talking about this stuff. Yeah, I think everybody wants to do right by their loved ones, but they don’t necessarily know how. And how do you have those conversations when we come from two different sides of the world? You know, in many cases, and certainly you know, we all try to understand each other, but we don’t necessarily really do sometimes, and so that’s important peace. It takes a lot of energy to set your own biases, your own thoughts aside. We’re we can do it. I’m not saying that we’re not doing that right. Can do it, but it is exhausting and to have somebody else alongside you to help guide that conversation is magical to watch it unfold and a lot of times to yes, we can do it, but we also make assumptions. You know, we assumed that this is what mom or dad would want or, you know, brother or sister or uncle or aunt or grandmother or grandfather or something like that, and it may not be. And so how do we engage with them to really figure out what’s most important? Like you said, keep it simple. Yeah, I remember I used to just absolutely turn myself inside out for the holidays because I wanted my mom to have a nice Christmas because I knew it might be her last one, and all the stuff that I did was like she really care about that. You know what? She’d come and for a little while and here I’d have this beautiful and you know, my house was beautiful and it was all set up and it was gorgeous and I had all this food and and everybody there. It was so overwhelming. After an hour she said I want to go home. Yes, I was like like really, mom crushed, but boy, you are hitting on a big one. It is heap, it simple and she wants is time with you. Yes, and it was just too much. And I think the other thing is is too many decorations, too much clutter, too much this, too much that. Everything is stimulus and I think to a senior that has a little bit bit of dementia, there’s there the less stimulus the better. I think in many cases. Oh, absolutely it. Don’t even have to have dementia for that to kind of be true. True, that’s true, because think of your brain. Your brain is kind of I mean, it could be in the eighth or ninth decade and it’s just slower, right, and that’s not dementia, it’s right slower. Our body is a machine and the machine doesn’t run as well as I did when you’re in no second decade. And so be cognizant of that. It’s not about everything being perfect. It’s about spending time together, if you can, all of you who are listening to this, just remember through our celebrations that are coming up, and it’s about quality time together and really listening. It’s hearing the stories, it’s inviting the stories, it’s giving someone a sense of purpose, it’s giving somebody a sense of dignity. Unfortunately, in our culture we all know we’re not great and honoring ours, and so we have to kind of step out of ourselves to remember that this person was just like you, a human being who is productive and vibrant and living life fully and had dreams and it is complete. They’re still complete now. Their life just looks different in terms of sharing their wisdom and do it in a way that they really believe that you want to know. Do it in a way that they really know that you’re being sincere, because there will be a day that you won’t have them there to ask them question. Amen, there will be a day that they’re not going to be at your celebration, and so, while you do have someone there, keep it simple, give them honor, forget about the perfect. Whatever it this is aft to be perfect. So we are talking again to Daphne Davis, the CEO of Pinnacle Senior placements, and Daphne, tell us about where you service and how you work with families. So I’m pinnacle and all of our staff that we have. We served from Basically Olympia up to antichorus and then out to mount angels. Yeah, we help anyone who needs help. Yeah, we meet you in hospitals or rehab facilities or the starbucks coffee or, you know, your home, whatever is convenient. I met with a family yesterday. We had one plan started out. Mom didn’t want to go to some place for lunch, so we changed our plans and I’m like, flexibility, that’s what we do. I’m here to help people gather information to make good buying decisions, and I hate to make it sounds so clinical there, you know, but it’s making good decisions that are lasting in terms of how do we care for someone and what community of living is going to work best for your situation. And so that’s what I do and we serve all over the place. Gosh, yeah, we’re we’re baby. And, as I’m your service is free? Yes, our service is free in that I’m paid by communities of care and I work with every community of care in the state of Washington. So I want to be real clear about this. Our Service is free to our families, but we are paid like a realtor, a onetime commission. Anybody who does this job is paid in this way and we’re paid by the communities and some people, some companies, choose to only work with people that they have contracts worth. Pinnacle is not that. We work with everyone. So there’s really no downside and working with us are our model for our company is doing the right thing for the right reason every time. If we fall short, please tell me, let me apologize and fix this. Yeah, yeah, so I think that that’s so valuable and I just can’t even imagine what you know, I remember just ten years ago trying to find resources for my mom, way back when, and now I think back, you know. I mean that was nothing compared to what’s out there now. The world is changed in ten years. Yes, there’s and and is so complicated and the whole you know, open enrollment and annual enrollment and Medicare and trying to figure out, you know, what are you’re supposed to do and the laws are changing all the time. You know, estate situations, all kinds of things. All those are good reasons to call me, yes, because we can make things simpler if you have the experts to help you. I just met with a family yesterday and mom is basically living homeless. She’s, you know, had to get out of her house and she’s bouncing from house to house of people from her church that she’s at, and this is something going on for a year and the family, the children, three children, are just devastated. But mom is going to be independent and do our own thing. And there’s more to the story, but the bottom line is we were meeting and she wants to live independently and family is, like I, we don’t know how to turn. She wants to buy another house, but she can’t take care of her house and she doesn’t know this. And so third party comes in and we talk about options and and I can say kind of the the harder sentences out loud and I can have a preamble before it that I can in gratiate you know that the senior and have her feel respected still. And by the time we were done, the daughter texted me later and she says, Daphany, I don’t know how you turn my mom around and to even consider and I said, well, that’s just for today. Tomorrow will be a new story again. Correct and well, might have to start all over, but we’re building relationships so that there’s trust, so that the senior feels like they are still honored, there’s still in charge. I’m always helping people in terms of feeling as a sense of purpose, and that’s where I was kind of going to is making sure that someone always feels dignified. Yes, so definitely. How do people reach you? Eight hundred and fifty five, seven, three four fifteen hundred is my phone number. Again. That’s eight hundred and fifty five, seven, three four one fifteen hundred, or you can certainly go to my website at Pinnacle Senior Placementscom and Daphnebel will be right back right after this. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom