Hope After Heartache with Dan White

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is a special presentation of answers for elders featuring evergreen was shelley, and welcome to answers for elders radio everyone. We are here with the wonderful Dan White, art expert of the month from Evergreen Wash Shelly. Dan, welcome to the program thanks, Suzanne. Always a pleasure to be here and I’m excited during this month of March, which is caregiver month, because, you know, one thing that caregivers of seniors will likely all face is the day when they lose their loved one, and you know, we’ve talked a little bit about you know, how Evergreen Wash Shelly recognizes the sacrifices that caregivers make and you know, I can understand Dan. You know a little bit about the emotional piece of that, as when I lost my mom, and I’m sure that you know. You know, what do you see typically from a caregiver when a loved one passes? Emotionally, just like I do from a family member, and a lot of and a lot of cases because, you know, think about it, to be a good caregiver you have to open yourself up, honorable and really give of yourself for then the individual. So it’s just as it can ever be as heartfelt as the actual spouse or the other family members that are there, but for them it is like they were family right, and so I do see that a lot well, and as a daughter, I know from my mom. Yeah, her needs were so integrated with my own as I was taking care of her. I remember even weeks after she passed away, I’d walk into the grocery store and I think about I have to buy half and half, I have to buy, you know, all these things that were important to her, and it was just like auto pilot. Right. There was something about my world that change so dramatically when she passed away, and I know for for so many families out there, one of the things, I think, that we take for granted, that we don’t necessarily realize, is that we have a great support network with so many of these wonderful providers. I know my mom’s caregivers, her nurses or social workers, all the things that worked with her. We’re kind of my lifeline too as I was taking care of her. Correct then what happens is that loved one passes away right right, all of a sudden that networks just cut off from you and this is a time when you’re grieving. So it’s like you have to find other outlets, other resources to be able to grieve and go through that grieving process. So you know, how how do you help families or how wey? Have you seen that grieving process unfold? Well, we do offer quite a bit on our website for grieving families as far as resources are concerned, and we really have one really nice one that I like, and that’s called hope after heart ache and it’s an email that you can sign up for and weekly we send out inspirational quotes and such so that you’ll get them in your emails. I love that and when you think about it, yeah, and love it. It’s nice because it’s like you’re receiving something from somebody who understands what you’re going through and care and you know you’ll get them and you may not align yourself with anyone in particular, but there will be those that will really strike a good chord, bring back that memory of the one that you have recently lost, but also maybe give you time to reflect on what a good gift that you were to that person. Well, I think the other thing what you’re saying to is that. You know, a lot of us, especially those that have busy careers, tend to just shove that grief inside. Yes, I got to get on with it and then all of a sudden it’s like one day we you know, we just explode, because grief has to be processed and I know that for for all of us to be able to have an outlet that we can reflect, like an email program like what you have with hope after heartache, that is something that I think is so valuable for families today to be able to have something that just allows them to connect with the healing parts of themselves, because it is a process. Yes, for sure, it is a very much a process. I mean I think about you sharing with me after your mom passed that it took you several years before you started to unpack some of the box net crazy. Yeah, I know, it was until and it took thank God, for my husband to sit me down gently and say, I’ll go through these with you, because I wasn’t ready to face it. I wasn’t ready to face all the things. And you know, and then I started feeling guilty like well, I’ve been sitting there for years, right, all right, and you know, I guess the thing that we all go through is the fact that we all process things differently and and you know, just to have that that sense of you know, closure is as we process our own grief right. You know, there’s still moments today. I mean my mom died in in two thousand and eleven. I know just the other day that I was using her China and her crystal and all of a sudden I had a memory of, you know, some family dinners that we used to have and I found myself still a little bit of a tear came in through my eye. I is, it wasn’t a bad experience, but it was a touching one, and I think that that’s also normal. It’s normal to have those feelings in those experiences. I mean I still do about my dad. He passed away in two thousand and two. Yeah, so you know, we have we have those, you know, those recesses for sure. I just had one on February second because that was the forty anniversary of my mom’s passing. Oh my goodness. And so even that long still remember absolutely absolutely. So we are talking again with Mr Dan White and he is the community outreach manager for Evergreen Wash. Shelley and Dan, tell me a little bit about evergreen wash sully location different. You have two different semmeteries. Is that correct? Yes, that’s correct. We do have to sit two different cemeteries and we actually have two different funeral home or cremation provider location. So we have our main location is down on Aurora Avenue, right hundred and eleventh in Aurora, HMM, and that’s a beautiful park on both sides of Aurora, about a hundred sixty acres and been around since one thousand eight hundred and eighty five. Wow. And then we have and you have the big veterans cemetery there. I know that there’s a big one. Yeah, yeah, there’s about fifty five hundred in that particular location. It is full, but we continually are improving and adding more options for this very much diversified cremation market and and funeral market for for everyone, the residents here of Seattle. HMM. The other location is up in Briar and that’s the Abbey View Memorial Park, that cemetery and that has about eighty four acres but only about twenty five acres are developed, but it’s a very beautiful more secluded cemetery. Then we have lifetime celebrations in BOTHEL. HMM, and we’ve actually owned that property since one thousand nine hundred and ninety nine. But it is simply, just say, a funeral home or a place for people to come to meet for at neat arrangements or also use the facility. It’s a little facility for other functions as well. Right, right, sure, you could even do have a wedding there. I was in there. It’s a very nice and we have property. I bet. I think that’s what yes, yes, we have at a wedding. That’s awesome. And and then so tell me a little bit about like for families when they’re going through the grieving process. And I seem to remember you said that there’s an opportunity for them to come back and connect after they’ve had a service or what I’m trying to remember in one of your previous and previous interviews you talked to a little bit about that. In my off face here, trying to remember. I’m trying to call either. But we do have I mean we do after we have met with a family, after the service has happened, then we actually do schedule appointment and go to that’s what I was talking about. That’s what we call our aftercare visit, okay, and so we let a little bit of time pass, but then we go out to dis meet with the family, take them some additional grief resources and see if there’s how things are going and if there’s anything that we can help with. And and one of the things that you’re finding, let what you’ve said in a previous interview, just like what we are, is that younger senior now is saying I don’t want my family to grieve like this and go through all the complicated processes of planning. So you know, when you meet with families and talk about that, how you know what are the some of the questions that you ask them? Well, we typically just start asking and finding out about family, find out where where they live. We also start to walk through the process of what options are available to them between burial, MMM actual and Tuman in a mausoleum above ground, and we find that most people really don’t know much about mausoleums. Now they know about burial and we could probably talk to them all day long, but they really probably wouldn’t learn much anything new. Then we talk about cremation and with cremation. They have several of all options we have in ground, above ground, outdoor, indoor options for for families. So we talked about that. Then we also then we begin to talk about what they want their life celebration to look we talked about the service. We talked about if they want a viewing, if they don’t want to viewing, if they want an open casket, close casket, if they want a very simple cremation or if they want a very large celebration right and a lot of people, you know, with cremation what a lot of people the misconception is that we just pick you up, bring you into our care, cremate you and give you back the cremated remains. But what I’m finding is that people want more of a celebratory reflection right on the cremated so a lot of times we will have the body present, have a viewing, have the service and then the cremation occurs and then then the cremated remains are returned to the family and or for permanent placement. And obviously you know that goes without saying that a lot of people, I think we’ll say, I don’t want any celebration, don’t do it. But the celebration isn’t for you per se. It’s for your family, it’s for the family, Yep, and it’s also, I think, an important ritual that has to happen in order for them to find closure. And I you know, that’s the thing that I know. There’s so many different ways in which you can, you know, have your life cell celebrated, and it’s mainly think about you know what that’s like for your you know, you the ones that you leave behind, for sure. Yeah, and that you you hit. That your spot on when you say that, because all of the research has been done and from psychiatry and psycho psychologically speaking, you need to find closure. So it is good to have and sometimes it’s good for certain family members to actually physically see the body to make that touch point that they truly are gone. And so sometimes when we do the cremation, it can lose that. Yeah, that’s true. So, Dan, how do we reach you? You reach me by probably the best way as my cell phone for two five, two, four, one, two, eight, hundred and fifty three, or by email. You can reach me at d white at wash shellycom. Damn, thanks for being a little tucker. Thanks to then, this has been a special presentation of answers for elders featuring evergreen. Was Shelley for more information about evergreen? Was Shelley. Their website is was Shelleycom? That’s Wa Shallcom