How to Begin Decluttering, Part 1

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is provided by care partners, living and answers for elders radio, and welcome everyone to answers for elders radio. And we are here in the beginnings of Spring, where the leaves are coming out on the trees and of course all of my roses are starting to explode with new growth on them. I even found a road the other day to everyone with a bud on it. So I know here in the greater puget sound we’ve been having like bouts of snow and I’m going like, oh my gosh, I’ve never seen anything like this. But I want everyone to know that spring is on its way and I am feeling really optimistic. And of course we are in a situation where spring happens. What is the first thing that a lot of us do? I know I do. I go into cleaning mode. I go into how do I clear the decks? How do I get things out of there? I unearth all the things that have been locked up for winter and pulling out, you know, yard furniture and all those things. But the other thing is is we’d accumulated a lot of stuff and a lot of us also have accumulated stuff through two years of quarantine where we’ve been in a situation where we haven’t been out to go places to take things to thrift stores or two donation centers or anything like that. And so I thought to be kind of fun today because we have one of our very, very special guests today on, Kelly Smith, vice president of care partner’s senior living. And Kelly, we always love having you and I’m going to talk to you about this topic because, let me tell you a girlfriend, you may not be a downsizing expert, but you talk to families every single day that are moving into your amazing communities, and so I just want to talk about a little bit about how can we help our parents, how can we help ourselves so that we don’t leave a lot of clutter for our own children? And Kelly, welcome back to answers for elders radio network. Yes, glad to bigger, great. I’m glad you are. So, Kelly, tell me a little bit when we were starting off. Tell me a little bit about what families are experiencing when they downsize from their regular home to a senior living apartment which is probably less than half the size where they’ve been living. Most of them are going to be and that’s kind of a rule of thumb that I always encourage families to pay attention to it. Mom’s moving into a retirement house and entire retirement apartment. You very possibly could have an apartment that’s nine to twelve hundred sware feet, sir, but she moves into independent two assistance living. Now you’re looking at five to seven hundred swortheet. YEA, and it could be smaller depending on the apartment. Right. Yes, kick all that into consideration. Going from a two thousand square four home, you know, to you know, a much smaller environment. You have to kind of way out what’s important what’s not important, and it’s homes. You want to make it feel like hold, you want to bring your things to me, to happy, right, right, and and you know, one of the things that you know it’s like, how do you eat an elephant? One Bite at a time? Right, and a lot of cases, I know I’ve probably the most important thing are you know, common thing I hear from families that I speak to is I’m in this huge house, but I don’t even know where to begin. It’s like too much for me to deal with. And if you know, if you haven’t senior loved one or if you have mobility issues or have challenges like that, it can seem overwhelming, like too much to deal with. The stay and we’re saying where you know you’ve got to find help, but then there’s this other side of you don’t even even know how to begin. And so this hour Kelly and I are going to be talking a lot about how to begin, how to take those steps and what to expect when you move into a community, about what are the amenities going to be there? And I think the last thing I want to talk about this hour is how can you leave a legacy? How can you make your mark on the community that you live in? And Kelly and I are going to give some examples. So with that, Kelly, how do we start? Like what’s the first step? It becomes you’re deal chosing a loved one because they’re going to be making the move. The first thing you have to determined before you go through that house. Lose your mind, that’s right. First thing you got to figure out is what’s going that’s got to be your very first priority, because what’s up. So us out of a house, everything else gets a little bit easier. But you really do need to sit down with your parents, you know, whoever you’re helping, and talk about what’s going to be important in the new home. I’m going to prow this out real quick. If you have a loved one going to a memory care community, we recommend bringing seasonal clothing so you’re not going to pack, you know, all of MOM’s clothes for all four seasons in the one small closet. If you have the capacity to bring things seasonally that I don’t you not try to pack too much stuff into it, into a space. But depending on what the diagnosis is with your loved one word exactly they’re going. First thing you got to do is figure out what’s going on. That’s out of the house, everything will be easier. But this is where some families get into a little of the conomflict because they think they know what mom wants. HMM, mom really wants to bring other things. Yeah, you know, is bringing everything mom wants. What’s the necessity? What makes it feel like holder? You know, those are the kind of things you have to really weigh out. Just because mom wants every single piece of furniture. What’s going to happen? Right? You got to negotiate well and and the thing is is that you know, by sitting down and planning with your family on a lot of things, there’s going to be personal items that you’re going to talk to your loved ones. Are, you know, your children, are your siblings or friends or family on? What are some things you’d like to have some day of mine? You know, what my generation, with the boomers, did, what we wanted, is very different than what the next generation is liking. So it’s important that if you’re going to pass some personal items onto family, what does that look like for your family? You know, I’m a huge fan of the DOT system because you can have I always recommend sitting down individually with each one of your loved one or do it, you know, zoom or whatever of your children. Don’t do it in a group setting because sometimes somebody’s going to speak up and then they’re going to be quiet. You know the other one. But then you have the decision when you’re talking to your adult children, what is it you’d like to have some day? Well, mom, I’d love to have that crystal ball that you have. I go I’m a big Fan of going to an office supply store and getting those colored dots and a sign, a color to to your kids and if they’re there in person, you know, Mary, you get the blue dots. Go around and put a dot, you know, on every single thing that you would like to have something. Now, if there’s an item that has more than one dot on it, then guess what, it’s the owner of that person. You know, it’s your decision who gets that item. And but there is a really good way to to, you know, decide number one, what is going to have value to move forward to your loved one. But I think the other side of it is which is really important, is having the ability to move forward in with a plan, and I think that’s the key because once you know where these items are going to me, that’s the first thing you do. And I don’t know what do you think count? But I think that’s really smart because again, Joe So, I have remember you’re going to you’ve got three kids, Ky for example, and you’re getting D to do something a bit different. But my strong recommendation is also keep a list. Yeah, most lawyers, when you do your will, they give you a sheet to fill out that you don’t even have to have notarized, but it’s a sheet that goes with your will. That outlines what goes where. If you have expensive items, the last thing you wanted to kids fighting over. Mom said I can have the last ball. My Mom said I can have I have the blue dot. I tope to do that. You’re right. It out. Make sure everybody’s very clear on also who is what. Ye, but a lot of times what we see so often as families don’t have these discussions now and they move moment to an assister’s living or you know that type of an environment, and now she’s not having a great day. Things are up because you find half of her stuff. She’s upset because they didn’t bring the right things, you know, and the kids are at home fighting over things that they didn’t belong to them in the first place. Yes, exactly. You really gotta. You got to almost treat this like a business deal, in some cases just to protect yourself, others that protect kids well, and I think the important thing is is too. I remembered distinctly having a conversation with my mother about her China and her crystal and it was so funny because she didn’t think that I would care to have it and I spoke that. Then I got I said to her, I tell mom I want that someday. She said you do, and I said absolutely, and she was like kind of stunned. She didn’t realize that it would have that kind of, you know, importance to me. But you see, there in lies that what you’re saying and having those conversations. You may have a painting on a wall or a sculpture someplace in the House that you’ll be surprised that one of your you know, children or maybe a sibling or a good friend might just love to have that. So maybe they’ve never said a word about it exactly. Always consided it. They’ve always thought it was great. My parents had a statue of the Raven from Darrellen pose. Oh Wow, and he’s probably three feet tall. Well, we get a lot of compliments out of but that doesn’t either. You know, maybe they have one good friends or woman has is that would really think that was cool, but we’re not going to ask for it because there’s still a lot of work now take theirs up. But that’s the whole thing is. Do you have some really cool things that your kids don’t girl going to keep? The not going to hang on from because they’re valuable. They’re going to hang on to them because you’re sent a metal they’re going to hang on to because they remember when you got it or it’s part of their family. It’s part of a heritage. If you marry somebody with a different ethnic background, for example. Yeah, you know other things in the home that are from the Ukraine, that are from Scotland. You know, are those family here? Was You want to actually, you know, make sure that stay in your family. That kind of stuff is important to exactly and and you know, I think it’s okay to speak up. You know, mom, Sunday, I would really like to have that Raven Statue. You now, those are the kind of things in in the way of having a starting to open these dialogs. That is a wonderful way to just have a nice thing as someday I’d like to have something and I think that’s a compliment. It is a complement. Willso this newer generation coming up. They don’t want Mom’s China or no, they want something that’s a little bit more unique. Right, more unique, but not something that’s going to take up a lot of space. Jill really making many families come out of the kid. Everybody’s talking with L we’re going through moms things right now. But none of the grandkids want the Chinese because that’s a different generation. Yes, that suns right for their weddings. It’s a whole new world. Yes, and so Kelly and I are going to be here at the rest of this hour. In the meantime, Keel, how do we reach to? That’s place to do. It is your partners Livingcom you can see the buildings, read testimonials. You can even see what we look like. Yes, you can, while you can see it on your website and you know we’re so excited to partner with you every year. And we are, by the way, on this Saturday going to be taking a bunch of therapy doctor therapy doodles. Yeah, Beenyard Park botty. So I know they’re very excited. And so we’re going to be back and talking this hour about how do you declare? How do you get things started? How do you get the ball rolling? And Kelly and I will be right back right afterward. The preceding podcast was provided by care partners living and answers for elders radio. To contact care partners living, go to care partners livingcom