Maude’s Awards with Marilyn Raichle, Part 2

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following is a podcast from a qualified senior care provider part on the answers for elders radio show. And Welcome back everyone to answers for elder’s radio and I am here again with Maryland from MoD’s awards and Maryland raycle see us, the executive director of the organization we who is really raising the bar on innovation for families and care providers that are taking care of loved ones with Alzheimer’s disease and dementia, and we talked a little bit about in our previous segment about, you know, kind of the background in the overview of MoD’s awards, and you know really what this really means. But, Marilyn, I am really glad you’re back with us because I would like to talk a little bit about your mission and your purpose and how you’re you know where you’re at with that. So the the mission of MoD’s awards is to discover, to celebrate, to share innovative ideas, practices of care, programs, products, anything that can enhance the lives of persons living with a mentor their family members are our care partners and it is, you know, I’ve always felt with as a carener myself what because I lived with my mother or work with my mother for sixteen years, with all timers and care giving is the learning and there’s so many things you do. If you were able to know about these in advance, you wouldn’t have to go through the trial and error product and and so it’s really about giving people resources and giving people home and joy, and that’s really our focus is. We want to share these, we want people to have resources and to learn and to not have to go through this over and over again, trial and error. Start receiving. What do you find with families today? Are the biggest challenges in caring for a local dementia? Oh Gosh, there’s so many, but I think one is I mean, one of the things I learned early on was that real time was my friend. I learned that I let go of the woman who used to be and I embrace the woman who was with me now, and I learned that, yeah, very thing and not necessarily something that’s easy to do because, especially with a family diamond dynamic, whether it’s it’s a spouse situation or it’s a mother daughter or a father daughter or whatever that is, there’s still those tapes, those you know, those those you know, that are in encrypted and up both of our Marines of what that relationship is. And I know with my mom, even though she had dementia, I was still the daughter and I will always be the daughter, and those tips never went away. You know, she was still the one in charge in her mind. And yet trying to honor that as your as a loved one and trying to preserve their dignity is so important. And yet sometimes there has to be times where you have to step in and make decisions on behalf of that loved one and there’s this conflict I know that families do with every day. If do you find that that’s true? Well, it was interesting that the first thing I learned was that it was not about me and that the goal was not Benger to remember things, but was together to be happy. And so I have adapted over those sixteen years as I learned, but I also just kept adapting like here. But also she kept teaching me. I mean, I agree with you that she was always mom and in fact, I think one of them motion. I all, I cried once. The last time I cried when I was talking to mom about my day, and this was like early, like midstage and all of a sudden and I was like, you know, having a rough day, and all of a sudden she got really at Kate and I stopped because I realized she was picking up on my feelings and and it was difficult because sometimes you just want your mommy and I couldn’t and that was that’s a huge learning experience for me and that’s you and I be grant to change. Do you find it’s kind of an energy dynamic between between families when they’re communicating? Is it like you just said something, she was picking up on you? You do think a lot of those breakthroughs with Alzheimer’s can be transmitted through, you know, energy. God, is it kind of the time? Yeah, yeah, and it could you say? Do they they’re picking up on your energy. So you have to be very corotless. that. I mean one time I actually because I kept saying to mom, mom, ill see you tomorrow, because of course, you know, she wasn’t a missed or remember, and I got there and then there’s I said, where have you been? Thank God you’re here. She has been asking for you all morning, how engaging I was that day, but she really really and so when I got there, I walked and she said well, thank God you’re here. So very just, I mean, mother was. I was very lucky because I do believe, and I think this is true for most people, that who she was essentially was intact. It was faded, it was diminished, but who she was was intact. Her sense of humor was there. So it was just it was just incredibly once it was interesting. One person said to me once your mother left you years ago and I said, well, if she left, who’s there? And I would argue that it’s a person well worth getting to know. It’s IT and in real time. Yeah, it’s true, and it was really wonderful to sort of go yes, of course, and and you know she was. It was a journey for me as much as for her, and when you take that journey together it’s a gift if you have the ability to do that, and not everybody does. And I was lucky because mom was in a really great facility at her rights and House and some home you know, care providers are under a lot of stress and then that respect that’s like rest. But and what a program so that you know some of these programs, in fact the organizations that we develop provide all sorts of activities and ways to keep it connected and active and to Bolso provide restret for care partners well. In one of the things that you mentioned, which I think is so powerful, and kind of going over to the caregiver side, I think one of the biggest challenges for anybody that’s caring for a loved one is for them to still keep balanced in their life and don’t give up your life. I know for me I gave up my life because I didn’t know any better right and so my world went out of whack. And when your world is out of whack, guess what happens? You pass that craziness onto your loved one, and that doesn’t necessarily work. And and so certainly you know to learn to say no. I think one of the things that you know, I always have said, that a family caregiver or family care provider, you know, is usually the sacrificial lamb of the family. They know who they can put you know, the family can say, well, still take care of it because she’s not going to say no. or he’ll he’ll take care of dad or whatever. That is the point of the matter being as a family needs to come to some degree of understanding that there has to be balanced and has to be a process and if that, if that is not able to achieve, and you know whether it’s you know, I have a family, I have to take care of my career. All of those different things need to be priorities on an equal ground. It’s not higher than have to be in a situation to seek out other care options, and I think that is where a lot of families get stuck. They get stuck in the feel go here huge guilt and and so you know a lot of what you’re saying about. You know, thank God you’re here, and all those things take you know, herrison house is an amazing community. I know well and certainly you know your mom was in a great facility, but you had the peace of mind that you could find, you know, and achieve balance in your life and a lot of families out there right now don’t have that option and we certainly want to make sure that people know that they don’t have to feel guilty because they need, you know, balance in their life. Balance is so important, it’s so key. But I would also it’s interesting that you mentioned wison house, because the thing that finally got me in touch with mother is that when she started to paint, that this wonderful program run by elderwise and she hadn’t painted in kindergarten and all the sudden started painting these amazing things, and that’s why I realized, Oh wait, she’s still there, there’s somebody really interesting in there, and that and I was so she paid it. Every week I would rush back to see what she’s done and that really changed my trajectory. And what she’s painting was was communicating with me in ways that she couldn’t do verbally when it was destinating and I gave my self permission to enjoy this and plus US away from mother, to have fun. And it wasn’t all about remember things mom. She just had fun and it was and I wish I had known these things when my father had Alzheimer’s. I wish I know that what I know. Sorry, there’s a huge signing. I wish, goodness, I wish I’d known then what I know now, because I would have I would have been with my father differently because he was different than mother. He was having a very hard time. Almost everyone in his family got Alzheimer’s and he was very angry and I would have realized that he was frightened and afraid of being abandoned and I could have just been with him. I wouldn’t even had to do anything. I could have just been with him to reassure him that I wasn’t going to abandon him. I mean, they’re everybody is different and and the experience you go through, if one could learn from that. One of the innovations was from this wonderful woman named Alison Tryer, who wants a program called thriving with dementia and she wrote developed a program how to be friends with somebody, all Shimers, which really is a primer on how to become a their partners. But I was reading it, he’s going, that’s right, that’s right, that’s right, all those things that took me, you know, ten years to learn fromly you’re reading in one volume, which is really, really helpful. Well, and I know that for a family, you guys have an amazing him book on your website. So, Marilyn, give us the information again how our listeners can get that booklet. So the book? What is it’s going to be? It’s available on our website at wsww laws awards Dotorg, and it has detailed information on the eight awardies, plus six V eight other innovations that came in from all over the country. I love that. And it’s a free book. Free, it’s downlowly free. We also have absolutely free downloadable and then if you have a month of pivot version, we can send you that. Perfect. So everyone, Marilyn and I will be right back and we’re going to talk about the awardees that happened this year, who were awarded, and a little bit about the criteria of how they were selected. So until then will be right back. Answers for elders radio show with Susan Newman. Hopes you found this podcast useful in your journey of navigating senior care. Check out more podcast like this to help you find qualified senior care experts and areas of financial, Lego, health and wellness and living options. Learn about our radio show, receive our monthly newsletter, receive promotional discounts and meet our experts by clicking on the banner to join the Senior Advocate Network at answers for elders RADIOCOM. Now there is one place to find the answers for elders