Daphne Davis at Pinnacle Senior Placements discusses what is involved when you face decisions regarding care for your senior loved ones when they live in a different state than you do.
View Episode Transcript
*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.
And welcome back everyone to answer for elder’s radio and we are spending the hour with the Wonderful Daphne Davis from pinnacle senior placements, and Daphne has been talking to us about now that you know things are kind of moving forward in the world, the one step forward, two steps back in some cases, but it’s do not be afraid to reach out and do not be afraid to get care of no matter where you are. And Daphne, I’m going to ask you question. This is kind of a little bit related, but you know, I have a friend of mine who has her mother. Lives in southern California. She’s been you know, she goes down to visit she’s she lives up here in Seattle, and she puts a thing out in and facebook say mom’s out of state, but now it’s time and I don’t even know where to begin right and then she throws out a name of the senior community and everybody’s going all well, go here, go there, and I’m just watching this conversation and all I said is is I said to her you need to call me because I’m your friends. And the first thing I’m going to ask her is that any of those people that responded to ask about what your mom’s highest values were. What are the ends? And a lot of people they don’t even have the logistical aptitude to understand. Really, where are we going it? Do you’re gonna relocate someone from Southern California to Seattle? What is involved in all this, and especially if a home needs to be sold? All of those thus definitely, and you probably do this every day and we haven’t had this conversation before. Well, I don’t do it every day, but I do it every month, I bet so. I have moved a lot of people out of California. I currently have somebody that’s moving out of South Carolina via Angel Flight, and so there’s lots of things to logistically get organized and paying attention to health and whatnot. The most important thing, again, and this is our theme this hour, is reach out and gather information and not be afraid to let your quote secrets be known or to think you’re going to be roped into something you don’t want to do. Sure at least not with a good person, and we’ve talked about that. How do you choose a placement navigator? Many times we might have to review that and but it’s it’s a place that you can be helped with everything you talked about, Suzanne, from downsizing, selling a house, knowing what the legal steps are that have to be taken in terms of how our attorney are? There anything that we have to do differently? How how do I get someone to the airport if they’re not ambulating? Can Oxygen go on an airplane or not? I mean that’s just lots of questions. If someone has those services and each story that we hear we just individually look at it and figure out what people do we have to tap into to make this happen. So I’ve been able to develop a network nationwide, not in every state, but I certainly would know how to develop every state at this point of having hands on people in the state, in the city to come from, and I think that’s a really important piece. Again, the most important thing, and you brought it up, has anyone asked your mom or dad what their highest values are? What is important to them? What things are nonnegotiable, what things are really important? How much will it disrupt someone’s life to not hear the news report from their town? How much will it disrupt their life to, you know, maybe it’s east coast to West Coast and you have Gloria sunrises that you know. They’re on the ocean and now they’re going to Gloria sunrises on the O or sunsets on the ocean on the West Coast. I mean those things can be disorienting. Talk about them. Get being a different newspaper. Is that going to bother somebody? Do you need to continue the subscription and have it mailed from, you know, Charleston? Does it? You know Atlanta News, whatever it is, the Tribune, does that need to be subscribed and have nail and delivered to Seattle? Now those are things you may not think about and they’re all tied to quality of life. Someone should be walking through you, through the journey with you with those types of details. There’s the family members need to know all those details. Absolutely not. Have you ever walked this journey before? Nope. Starts out there. That can help you. Yes, you need to pay an armonal leg for that service. No, with one of the senior placements, we don’t charge for those consultation things. And you know, you just pointed out in our previous segment about all the things that you notice that the family had no clue about. And you know, those are the things I think that’s so important to take a look at. And and especially if you live apart from a loved one. Even if some loved one has dementia, they can get themselves wound up to be some normal we need to visit them, you know, once every two months, but now all of a sudden when you’re around them more of the time, it takes a professional to really understand all the INS and out. A lot of people think, well, if I have a you know, well I could move my mom into my basement. Well, sometimes that works, but I would say ninety nine percent of the time it doesn’t because you’re dealing with a situation of potentially stairs. You’re dealing with somebody that would make it difficult for mom or dad to come in and out of the House on there’s but there are options and I’m not saying that that’s not a viable option. But you know, it takes a professional to assess that that doesn’t have an emotional, you know, stake in the game. I guess that’s the difference between what you do and your knowledge. Like when you talking about a Dama, that chances are an average person’s not going to notice those things. Yeah, they don’t, and it’s I want to be sure that people don’t think I’m scrutinizing everyone. It’s no. I’ve done this twenty one years and so my eye just goes to these things. This is this is what I recognize. You know, a traffic engineer, guys going to notice all kinds of you know, the the lights and the pattern of the lights and you know whatever that’s there. There area of expertise. So it’s not a picking thing, is just what I do. Right when when you’re choosing someone to work with, I would make sure that there is at some level and attempt to be face to face or person to person with your loved one door in Covid we’ve had to do that primarily, you know, via zoom, you some kind of video platform call, but there has to be some kind of physical eye to eye connection. person is not a list of symptoms or likes or dislikes on a piece of paper. Their three dimensional and so if someone is not going to make the attempt to figure out how I can get eyes on this person, that would be a red flag for me. We are complex people and even how someone may look at me or avoid eye contact with me or, you know, be looking down all the time or defer in to another person. Tells me a whole lot, even over zoom. So that would be one of the things that I’d really encourage people to think about when they’re looking for some help from state to state. I have actually traveled to other states to help people. I’ve moved people up from Oregon and done on a dime’s notice, driven down and and made sure that I was going to see grandma and help her in getting moved up to Washington. There the trauma of moving for anyone it’s huge, but for an elder moving from a state that they’ve perhaps grown up in or retired thirty years ago in and this is where their circle of trust and influences now, that’s a big deal. Sure something that someone should be walking along with them makes some sense. Yeah, it’s an it’s a totally doable pinnacles in your placements can help you with that. They’re a myriad of other people that I know could turn you on too. If it’s something that’s going on in Pennsylvania, I know really the people in Pennsylvania and to connect with it. But again, it’s just making that phone call right and and certainly understanding. Somebody like you is going to have connections all over the world, or you don’t. You know somebody who does, and you’ve been at that long enough. So is somebody says, I need to get my mom’s house ready to sell. You have context that can help make that happen and you know, keeping the family informed. Somebody like you can do that where you know you’re there, you’re helping to, you know, make this happen. It’s just like Angel Flight, like you know, how how often do people really know about this service that’s available and all of those things. So, you know, I encourage everyone that’s our listeners. It’s like, you know, there’s no downside to calling Japane and be proactive, even if we’re having this conversation right now. Of you know things have come to a head. But you know, I think really we, we as adult children, need to be more minddful of taking the lead and, and I’m not saying that in a derogatory to take over things. I’m saying to be mindful of if I notice something, it’s okay to say, you know what this concerns. We don’t ignore little things like I when I clean my mother’s refrigerator out. She had like cart cottage cheese containers of like a tablespoon of food and it was like probably twenty thirty of those little, you know, containers in her refrigerator and most of them had been sitting there for a very long time with science projects on them. That is a really major clue that there was probably a time where mom couldn’t clean a refrigerator out. She wasn’t in her rational mind. And those are things that we can always say. I are bills piling up, you know, they’re not getting paid. Two things, you know. Just does the electricity get cut off? Did something happen in that regard? Those are are indicators that maybe MOM’s or Dad’s not quite as sharp as they used to be, and those are things I think that you can help, you know them, in helping to notice those things. Is that I mean not only notice them, but how do I navigate as a child? Yeah, as the son or daughter, how do I navigate to the place of increase urging my parents to honor my opinion, my desire, my observation? A lot of us, and I certainly am going to be one of them, is independent and probably a little prideful by the time I have x number of birthdays on a hang and and that’s normal. That’s healthy. You know, it’s like Dad. That served you well. But right now I’m feeling like you need a little support in making decisions. Can I be a part of the decision making process with you? Yeah, you know, I’m not going to make the decisions for you, but can I? Can I just bounce off ideas with you? I mean call me up and say, Hey, you know, son number one, what do you think of this idea? But to give the language of how do we make that switch, because that is really important. One of the things that I see right now to is children who have not been with their parents for a long time don’t know how to broach the subjects of change. And so we can talk about that in our next subject. In the meantime, gaft me, how do we reach you? Eight hundred and fifty five seven, three four, one five hundred is our phone number. Eight hundred and fifty five seven, three four, one thousand five hundred and pinnacle senior placements. Thatcom perfect gap. You’ll be right back right after this
Listen to More Answers for Elders with Suzanne Newman
Keep an eye out for future Answers for Elders podcasts on the Senior Resource Podcast Network! Thanks for listening, and be sure to keep scrolling for more articles by Suzanne. For more AFE podcasts, visit AnswersforElders.com and subscribe on your favorite platform!
Founder and CEO of Answers for Elders, Inc., Suzanne Newman proclaims often, “Caring for my mom was the hardest thing I ever have done, but it was also my greatest privilege.” Following a career of over 25 years in sales, media, and marketing management, Suzanne Newman found herself on a 6-year journey caring for her mother. Her trials and tribulations as a family caregiver inspired an impassioned life mission outside of the corporate world to revolutionize the journey that so many other American families also find themselves on. In 2009, she became the founder and CEO of Answers for Elders, Inc., subsequently hosting hundreds of radio segments and podcasts, as well as authoring her first book. Suzanne and Answers for Elders, Inc. have spent 14 years, and counting, committed to helping families and seniors along their caregiving journeys by providing education, resources, and support. Each week on the Answers for Elders podcast, Suzanne is joined by vetted professional experts in over 65 categories including Health & Wellness, Life Changes, Living Options, Money, Law, and more. Suzanne lives in Edmonds, Washington with her husband, Keith, and their two doodle dogs, Whidbey and Skagit.
Connect with Suzanne
Visit AFE on the web: https://answersforelders.com/