Senior Resources » Elder Law » Pre-Planning, Part 1: Peace of Mind

Pre-Planning, Part 1: Peace of Mind

Dan White at Evergreen Washelli talks about crossroads and transitions. Writing down your wishes is an important step. We use a pre-planning guide with a wealth of information for the survivors left behind. We want our loved ones to get through their stages of grief and don’t leave problems behind for those we love.

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*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is a special presentation of answers for elders featuring Evergreen Washelli and welcome back to answers for elders radio. We are here with our wonderful Dan White from Evergreen Washelli, and we’re all talking wrapping up the month, about crossroads and transitions and I really felt it important to have you on. Dan. Is the last interview segments to last two, because obviously a big crossroads is preparing for dying. Yes, I would absolutely agree, and thank you for having me here. I’m so glad you’re here, because it’s a topic that it’s hard for families to talk about and so maybe you may not really necessarily know what needs to happen. What happens, you know. So let’s just let’s we’re going to take to these last two segments of the show and we’re going to talk about the conversations that sometimes are really difficult to address. And first and foremost, obviously, Dan, we want to talk about like, if you’re not to that stage yet, it’s important, obviously, to preplan and why is that? Well, she’s Ane. Preplanning does a lot of things. Probably the most important thing that it does for families, those that are actually doing the preplan any is it really brings them peace of mind. It really relieves them knowing that their wishes are going to be honored right that how they want their life to be celebrated is written down, which is really what we we ask people to do. If you do nothing more than write down what it is you want, that’s a very important step and for that purpose we have what we call a preplanning guide that is used and with that preplanning guide, it has an awful lot of information and actually a wealth of information that will be important to the survivors that you leave behind, because as people, we we want our loved ones to be able to mourn, to be able to make that transition, to be able to focus on getting through the grief stages, to to move on with their life but still remember us. It’s important that we don’t leave problems for those that are less high. Well, I think, Dan, you touch on a really important part as far as when you think about who you’re leaving behind. I know with a preplanning situation it’s like I would lay you odds that there are a lot of seniors out there that have certain ideas of what they want when they pass away, but because they don’t have the conversations they you know, with their with their survivors, their kids show up the day after they die or, you know, the next day and they’re looking at you guys, at Evergreenwash Ellie, and they have no clue what mom or dad really would want. So they end up doing things, you know, a lot more extravagant that maybe that senior loved one would want. And you bring up a really good point when you talk about that. At we call it emotional overspending. MMM, because sometimes, you know, you’re never entirely with your loved one for most of their life, especially for talking about a parent. Sure, and when kids are involved, a lot of times with the parents, if the spouse is involved, they may have a better idea, but certainly when children come on behalf of their parents they don’t. And if there are several children, then of course we have several different ideas of what mom or dad may have wanted. But even more importantly, what happens is that even after they make those decisions, I have family members tell me that they’re just not sure and so they walk out of our facility, out of the funeral arrangements and always wondering if they really did right by their parents right. And I I go back to when my father passed away, Dan. He always told us what he wanted, but he never put it in writing, he never preplanned. So when it came time for him to pass away, his wife did exactly the opposite of what he asked for. He she overspent. They did the same thing because it was what she wanted for him, not really what he wanted. And you know, that was something that I often struggled with because I always felt like should I, you know, Shaid, I create that battle battle? But you know, I chose not to because really she was his wife at the time and I thought, you know, he would do what makes her happy anyway. But there’s still that point. Had He preplanned, he would have been cremated and he would have had those things in place. There wouldn’t have been that discussion. Instead, she spent like like eighteen thousand dollars on casket and all of this stuff that he would have been happy to just spend one fifteen hundred dollars and being cremated. And so you bring up that’s an excellent point. I’ll share a story with you that just happened to me on my plane ride back from Arizona after visiting my father. HMM. Sitting next to me happened to be a young woman in her early s and we just started talking and she had lost her husband unexpectedly when she was twenty nine, and a motorcycle accident. Well, and so even at twenty nine, even though she is the spouse, the funeral arrangements and everything were taken over by her husband’s parents because they were involved and more speaking about the loss of a son in this case. And yet she had just lost her husband and the mother of her three sons and she was not allowed to do the things that she knew that her husband wanted because, again, they had not preplanned, they hadn’t written anything down. So it’s very important from that standpoint. I mean, we all think that we’re going to live forever, we all think that nothing’s going to happen to us, but it is never, ever too young to start preplanning, the writing things down absolutely and and just to have those difficult conversations. I know that. And in many cases families just don’t talk about those things and, you know, to find a way that you can sit down with your senior loved when and really, you know, have those conversations and then follow through, whether you go to ever greenwash, Ellie or any other, you know, funeral company here. Make sure that you follow through with that wish. And it’s my understanding, Dan. Don’t. Don’t the cost of funerals like double, like like every what three four years or something like that, every five to seven years. They pray much reads it. Well, it is, but when you think about it’s like any other businesses. is like buying a car. It’s just like running a radio station. But right, rents go up, serve staffs goes up, payroll go up, equipment that you purchase continues to rise. So it’s the same thing and the one it’s and you’re buying a piece of property, obviously for a grave right. So property values go up and that’s makes so so so. Obviously that the advantage then is to preplan and you lock that price in. We do, and that wasn’t that you. We were able to do that many years ago, but in today’s environment we are able to do that. So it’s great if you purchase something at two thousand and eighteen. Those services that we guarantee that we provide will lock in and remain at that price whether you use them in two thousand and twenty eight or thirty eight or forty eight. Those won’t go up. So we are talking to Dan White from Evergreen Wash. Shelley and Dan, tell us a little bit about Evergreen Wash. Elly. Where you’re located? We’re located at one one, one, one Aurora Avenue North. I love that shy I know it’s pretty nice up there on on Aurora and we have a hundred and sixty acres, so two sides of the road. I’m sure a lot of people know where we are and have been there solutely. We just finished up with our Great Memorial Day presentation yes and here we are already moving into July. Time disc goes by very quick crazy, isn’t it crazy? And then you also have a location in Briar. That is correct. We have a location in Briar and we call that Abbey View Memorial Park. It’s a park where we have about eighty acres but only about twenty five are developed and it’s a very beautiful park, probably one of the only ones that are surrounded completely by residential that’s of that beautiful there and then you have a life lifetime celebrations and bothel tell us about that. And so lifetime celebrations and bothel is a standalone funeral home. The actual funeral home has been there for over a hundred years as bothel funeral home. Evergreenwash Elly took that over in one thousand nine hundred and ninety nine and it’s just a lovely little place. It’s more intimate. If you’re interested in having a service which is intimate, this is a great space, great location to and absolutely plenty of free parking and things like that, which is great. Yes, so to wrap up this segment, we’re talking base basically about, you know, in advance as far as pre planning. We have about two minutes or so. What I guess at the end? What kind of advice would you give someone that we haven’t discussed yet? Probably the biggest piece of advice is don’t procrastinate, because even though we think about it and through all the surveys that have been out there, people believe it’s a good idea, let’s pre plan, let’s do it, but they just don’t take action. And I can tell you and share with you that there are many people that I’ve met with a week ago or two weeks ago and then the wife calls, are the husband calls and says that their spouse is just passed away and it’s it’s just it’s devastating, it’s sad and it’s not. It’s just not doing the responsible thing, doing it the right way. And what you’re saying to how many times do we see wife is taking care of the husband, husband is ill and we assume that husband’s going to be the first one to pass away, but the caregiver, the wife, is the one that ends up passing away. This happens more often than you can imagine. So understand that it’s not just preparing for husband in advance, it’s also preparing for the wife, for the One and absolutely and you know, and making sure that both of their wishes are honored. And you know, as an adult child, you know I would, I guess, in closing, is is to pay, you know, just to have those conversations, you know, in a very quiet, sincere way, and just to find out, you know, what you can do to help them share that their wishes and that you want to honor them. And I think that’s the the main message and it probably in my my feelings, it is the best gift of love that you can truly show them. Totallygree totally agree. So Dan tells how we reach you. The best way to reach me is probably by my cell phone for two five, two, four, one, two eight hundred fifty three, or you can reach me by email at d white at wash shelleycom. and Dan would be more than happy to talk to any of our listeners about how to just get that conversation started, as well as come out and meet with your family and talk to you a little bit about what what the options are for you. Absolutely well, Dan, we’re so glad you’re on the show today. Thanks again. All right, thanks to them. This has been a special presentation of answers for elders featuring evergreen. Was Shelley. For more information about Evergreen, was shelley. Their website is was shellycom. That’s WA SHALL ICOM


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Originally published June 30, 2018

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