Preparing for Senior Care, Part 1, with Daphne Davis

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio, and welcome everyone to answers for elders radio. Is We are here in the month of October, which is all about prevention, and it’s about not only prevention but how do we prepare for the future so that we can prepare our loved ones not only for, you know, the future, what lies ahead, but also just in there everyday likes and certainly weird. So blessed again to have our wonderful Daphne Davis from pinnacles senior placements with us. And Daphne, how’s your October going? Well, so far, so good. I mean it’s kicking off a little bit with some sunshine and then we got some boggy weather, so it’s feeling pretty typical. But generally we are good. Yes, we are good and you know, we’re excited to kind of move into a new chapter of you know, Pumpkin spice and and soups and all kinds of things that are going on and obviously there’s a lot of talk of preparing for the holidays. I was just in a a grocer guard department store just briefly. I do mostly drive by, but here out in front, you know, there’s Christmas reasons. They’ve got out already and it’s just crazy to think about. That’s where people’s mindsets are going and certainly, you know, families are going to be coming together here soon and one of the things I know, Bashne, that we’ve talked about a lot, is when you haven’t seen mom or dad for a while, and especially obviously with covid on, there’s not a lot of haven’t been a lot of interaction with your senior love when you might might notice some things or there might be some warning things that I would love to kind of spend this hour with you talking about. You know, preparation. How do you prepare a loved one that is a senior for changes that could come, because obviously, you know, there’s a method to it and certainly to honor their dignity and to make them a part of that discussion is really important and I’d love to explore those concepts with you today. Well, this is very timely because, as you said, we are getting into the holiday season and you might be traveling and, you know, in some former fashion or being able to see your loved ones, maybe via zoom or facetime or something like that. And when witness some changes after you haven’t seen some of them for a while, I want to prepare our listeners to being able to say it’s okay, that there’s changes. This is a natural aging process, so don’t panic. But one importantly, do you be aware of them, and then, you know, be able to talk with your family, talk with your parents, your aunt’s uncle, whoever it is that you are responsible for interacting with, honestly. But the most important word to remember is respectfully. And so thinking about how you may feel if you’re hearing new information that’s kind of, you know, creeping up on you. Most people, ourselves included, don’t recognize the changes that are happening in ourselves, and it’s a good friend and honest family member to say the things that we don’t want to necessarily hear, but in a way than loving and can be heard. So usually the blunt approach does not work. It’s a better idea to, in my opinion, anyway, to think about how can I have someone self discovered something that’s changing? How can I need someone to recognizing it for themselves? And that comes across best when we use eye sentences if we think about things for ourselves and if it’s conversational. So let me give you some examples. It can happen in a way that says, oh, mom, you know, I just was so surprised the other day I was raking the leaves and and I just couldn’t even believe that my upper arms hurt so much. I guess I don’t use those muscles very often. I have to pay attention a little bit more to how I’m moving and maybe being intentional about maybe lifting that Canasus twenty more time so that I could keep my upper body strength. Make it something sooveal, but she it will get her to start thinking about her own body. You might even get a story that says, AH, I’ve just noticed that listing the laundry basket is too heavy. Or you can, you know, stimulate those conversations of things that are curtainent to your loved ones life. Maybe have that act, that example of I just vent over and stood up incorrectly when I lifted them wondery basket and now I’ve got a tweak in my back. And simple stories like that plan the seed of something being reflective. Also, when you have those eye sentences. It takes the focus off of them. It gives humanity to the conversation that they are not in this alone. What you’re saying is so profound and even for me that’s in my mid s right now, it’s interesting. I have a great friend that’s in her mid S and we were working in my garden the other day and I kept saying, Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t just I can’t get back there and I’m making all these you know, like Oh, I really need to do this more and she looked right at me like she said, says, I’m twenty years younger than you. Would you relax, I could do it, and I went well, I don’t think of myself as getting older, but you’re right, she could do things that she’s twenty years younger than me, and I’m not even what you would say somebody that’s got challenges, but it is a it was a definite time for reflection when I started thinking about, you know, I can’t do things that I used to do before. I don’t have the long stamina that I used to have before, you know, and those are things that, in little pieces, it started me reflecting even at my younger you know, senior years. Yes, as along those same lines, it’s the recognition of the aging process as normal and it’s a good thing. It’s a in an aging process. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just the new chapter of life. The American culture is not no good at embracing this idea, and so we have to be very intentional. Our American culture is more about staying younger, not having a wrinkle, being able to move more. I mean to deny that you’re twenty years older than someone is forty is is kind of a little bit insane, because your body is a machine. If someone don’t, youself get tired. Yeah, I we’re going to say instead of feeling like you’re having to apologize, it’s almost like a write of passage, like you don’t have to do this anymore, or you know, it’s understandable why you’re not, and it was. It was really kind of an eye opener for me, just overwhelming it, and here I was feeling guilty because I wasn’t doing what she was doing. And those are the things. I think that what you’re bringing up was the fact that you know it’s okay to not be able to do things like that and to celebrate you know the passages that you’re that we go through, for sure, but that’s exactly right. Or just yesterday I was having a conversation with a ninety year old woman who is so amazing. I mean I must have said three times to her, I want to be like you when I grow up. One of the things that we talks about was her driving, and she says, Oh, it sad. I just asked. I said, are you still driving? And and Oh, that’s a good point. Please don’t be assumptive that things that stopped. Let someone gracefully let you know. Don’t just assume that things are have changed, because there are particular age you do not know where they’re at in their journey. But Anyway, back to the driving, she said no, I’m not driving as much, and then she said, honestly, I’m not driving at all, and I just jumped drive in and I said, oh my goodness, I said, you have gotten to the place of having the the right to be chauffurd. What a wonderful place in life. I said, if I am the age of fifty six, I would gladly have someone show for me through this craft. She laughs, yes, and she said that’s a good way to look at it and I said now you have people at your back and call, and she went into the the idea that puts my daughter’s out and whatnot, and the two daughters were sitting there and they’re like, no, it doesn’t put us out LOM. We just have to get on the calendar and talk about it. We might have to be a little more forward thinking and not as spontaneous, but but we do and we are. We’re happy to do this. So now she is got this painted in her brain. In fact, she ended our conversation with I will enjoy being chauffeurd. I could care to make a big new about it. Have them open your door, you know, help you get into the car, the right of passage. You have earned it. So it’s all in how you frame things. It’s how we look at them. And, like I said earlier, our American culture is not good at celebrating the aging process, but we can, in our small little world, or slought small little family world, can slowly start to change that and to celebrate. You now have X Y Z at your back and call. You’ve earned the right to have someone clean your toilet. You have earned the right. Meaning is such a good Baker, you know, pass that down. HAVE HAVE US learn how to make that left up. That’s what you did, don’t you know? Those things that can also be a generational passage. In that comes a sense of purpose, then the sense of pride instead of loss, and so we you know, when reframe things, yes, and it helps to, I think, the eliminate the concern and the fear within your loved one, of the fear of not wanting to be a burden it. You know, having those conversations to say, you know, mom or Dad, I am so glad I get an opportunity to have this time with you, or I’m glad I get to do things for you now that I didn’t get to do before. So all of a sudden those feelings of I don’t want to be a burden to you are lessened because they realize that you, as an adult, child or you know, whether it’s a relative or a friend, that you’re your honored, that your privilege to help do things for them or to help have those conversation. So I love that about just to remember that piece alone. So, Daphne, how do we reach you? But the best place to Reaching Pinnacle senior placements is at our eight five five number, which is eight hundred and fifty five, seven, thirty four, one thousand five hundred, and you are also welcome to reach out to us via our website, which is Pinnacle Senior Placementscom, and we would love to reach out to any of you and get back to you and have a conversation about where you’re at in your journey. And you know, I would not I would be remiss. Also, we don’t say it enough, daphinitely has a whole library of podcasts that you can listen to on her website and she’s amazing. She’s a great, great, you know, way shower and helper for families that are just even no matter where you are in your journey. We hope you’ll give dafinitely a call and definite’s going to be with us for the hour. So next segment, let’s talk a little bit more about preparing your loved one. How do we start to have these conversations and what do we need to educate ourselves on? Daphne will be right back right after this. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements. Ll See and answers for elder radio to contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom