Preparing for Senior Care, Part 2: What To Look For, with Daphne Davis

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. And Welcome back everyone to answers for elders radio and we are here back again with a wonderful Daphne Davis from chinnicle senior placements. And Daphne, you have been such a wonderful resource for our families and certainly you’re there when a lot of these conversations start to happen. I know within families and I know part of it having those conversations is a lot of work has to be done with a families. Do you prepare families in advance to have these conversations? I’m just assuming you do. And what kind of things do you talk to them about? You know, we help our families in any situation that they’re at. Sometimes it can be getting through crisis. You know there’s been an accident, there’s going to change in health, there’s a change in cognition. Sometimes it’s just getting the siblings on the same page, because everyone has their own perspective of how mom and Dad are doing. Sometimes it’s actually talking with the senior themselves. There’s a number of our listeners who have called themselves and had conversation with me and then I immediately we get the family involved also. So there’s different ways that we start this prep creation, but the most important thing is for us to identify what are the family’s highest values. Let’s say that there’s one of the siblings is a key care provider for mom and dad and it might be just, you know, stopping in and seeing them doing grocery shopping, maybe organizing their their medications, some very light support, but the caregiver, the primary caregiver, is seeing some changes and so sometimes we have to start with the family and preparations for changes in Mom and Dad and each sibling. Each child has a different perspective and a different relationship with their with their family, with their parents. So that’s usually where we have to start. I have a number of families that are at the very beginning of this process right now and how we logistically do that right now is to have maybe a zoom call, and I you know, as you have a couple of these calls coming up in the next few weeks, where there’s four siblings and yes, they’re all doing find together, get to get along fine, but they all have different stories to tell. And so this is the beginning place of where we can prepare the family, the support family, to go. Oh, I never thought about Xyz. Oh, I never considered that dad would be feeling pressure about and you can do in the blanks of everybody’s story is different. So very often to start with as zoom phone call and along those highest values, obviously, would be also just general. You know, what kind of things are you noticing? I’m sure that some simply met a mom or dad more than others. There’s kind of that building that consensus. So you help with that in kind of come into a general consensus. Is that correct? Correct? So we talked about the highest values and everybody’s like, Oh, you know, we want mom and dad to be safe and independent and respected and, you know, be able to put her around the house like they’ve always done. But more importantly than that, as they’re aging, let’s think about, you know, if they had to have caregivers in their home. Is that something that all of you are on the same page about? Is it okay to have people in their home? Is that a value to you? That that your risk level or your conversation with your parents that you’ve had in the past. Dad might have said I don’t want anybody in my garage with me. No, never, right. Mom might not have a personality that she can have somebody helping her full her laundry and she folds to tell them thirds instead of quarters, like you know a mom does. The highest values can be as simple as honoring what lifestyles pattern they have. It may be a highest value that we say we want to have mom and dad always available to all four siblings. You know that we can be within thirty minutes from from all of us or twenty minutes from all of us, and so we have a conversation that says, oh, location is higher on the list of criteria in figuring out how do we have mom and dad stay safe. If we’re talking about a move, how many times do we want to move mom and dad? Do we want to plan for their situation in today’s health, in today’s cognition, or do we want to try and meet some of today’s cognition and health needs but also satisfied what the future may bring? Some family members might say no, let’s just we need to honor where they’re at today. I mean, Dad could never be with you know people that were repeating themselves you would, you would get crabby or you know, mom needs to have a lot of interaction with people. Dad needs more care and he, you know, needs to have, you know, someone there to help them get dressed and all about that. Mom doesn’t need that. And so we start to unfold what are the absolute highest values. We start to look at pretnality types. You know, who is more flexible in the marriage? If we’re talking about mom and dad. That right now during Covid we have to really talk about visitation and how important is that and how can we accommodate that? And I have to tell you all right now in western Washington, where where I live, we have by county by county, our visitation is different because each county is in a different phase. Is How our state is lighting, and so that can make a difference. You know the difference I’m working with a family right now between living in snohomish county or Kipset County. You know, there’s a difference, and so those are things that we need to talk about. There’s lots of conversation and highest values. Sometimes it might be things around food choices. Food is really important. Mom and dad have never eaten food. That’s you know, made for a hundred people. They need food that’s made for, you know, six or less a regular family style. They would hate having, whatever, a menu that they have to pull from and they dad can’t have his eggs sunny side up with a little bit of, you know, Jiggle in the in the white. These things are important because we want to honor and uphold what their regular life is like as much as possible, and so these are details that pinnacle senior placements help families identify. We help them get on the same page. Now, through this conversation I usually have to ask for permission. Can I bring everybody back to our highest values and I will say, you know, very very bluntly, highest values are automatic in terms of respect, cleanliness, good food, loving, you know, environment, those things for cheinnical senior placements and and all of our employees, those are givens because we would never have someone received care or move to a community that we wouldn’t have our own loved ones in. And so those you can count on. But we do help you to identify what are the things that are important and also what’s important too, I would imagine, would be financial considerations. It would mean, you know, when you’re talking about geographical considerations. What does that specifically mean and how does that play out with, you know, a seniors, you know life savings, as well as their financial income, etc. So bone all things that you can talk about in generalities with the family and also in certain cases you’ll talk directly to the senior. I’m assuming is that correct? Absolutely, and you’ve up. A really good factor is the finances. I’m working in the family right now that has been very wise in working with elder law attorneys and financial planners and have protected their estate in such a way that that the estate does not have to be completely, you know, spent down in the event of meeting advanced care. But at the same time the family is very wise to be able to hear our suggestions, which that’s all the other art is suggestions to allow for a certain period of time of what we call private pay to a community of care so that we have broader options. So it’s right important to work with someone, as my example, with the family I’m working with now. They are wise and they have a substantial estate, but at the same time they want quality care and so we’re walking alongside their financial planners and their elder law attorneys and they’re having the support. That says yes, we do need to have some funding available on a private pay level from the personal estate and then use other forms of payments, such as Medicaid is one example, and we can help families be able to secure quality living and still be financially responsible, because that is certainly one of pinnacles values is that we want to help families figure out how can you get the biggest buying power for your dollar? That is that’s my home value for myself that want to share that with all of our families as well. Obviously, definitely there’s scenarios there where you know, mom could be really, really happy but dad is having some challenges and obviously for our family that’s difficult to navigate through because you want to honor both of them. But you obviously there are solutions and having those conversations with somebody like you can really help find that North Star of where you need to go in those certain circumstances. Is that correct? Absolutely, because that is what happens most often with a husband life scenario. Rarely do we have the same health story and probably during, you know, the last seven months, that has happened more than not. Because people want everyone to be safe and because of our lack of being able to check on people and visit the same way, we want to have a security net there. But there is always a way to figure out how do we meet the healthcare needs of one spouse but keep the social ability, the independence, the pro by the sense of purpose for both of them and the other spouse. Sometimes that’s a more cute need. We can definitely do that. This is where conversation with someone like us, as pinnacle senior placements, is so important. It is it’s vital to help you make good, sound decisions in this time of uncertainty. Absolutely, and there’s ways too, with with resources in and ways that legally can protect an estate as well by having these conversations up front. If we know, for example, if a spouse is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or something like that, there’s ways to protect the assets by, you know, going to a good attorney or things like that, and that’s somebody that you can you can certainly point them in the right direction on how to do that. So how do we reach to as way is that? Eight five, five, seven, three, four, one thousand five hundred. That’s eight fifty five seven thirty four. It’s Teen Hundred or Pinnacle Senior Placementscom awesome and doubt they will be right back right after this. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom