Preparing for Transitions Part 2: Have Help, with Daphne Davis

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio, and welcome back everyone to answers for all these radio is we are. You’re talking to Daphne Davis from pinnicle senior placements about how do you prepare for this transition time, when it’s time to make a change, and obviously we’re talking about the early stages. Moves oftentimes don’t happen right away like this, but the most important thing is is that you’re prepared and when the time happens. And so, Dapinite, welcome back. Thank you so much. This is a topic that I really hope all of you here because it is so uplifting, it positive. I love proactive families who are taking the steps to having potentially hard conversations rather than rather than ignoring them and calling me and involt involving me. I would say probably the biggest way that pinnacle helps our families initially is by helping facilitate conversation. That is the most important thing. Sometimes it’s very, very difficult to have conversations about changes in our life. You know, what does the next chapter of life look like? What you know just the word change that I used that can send some people kind of over the edge, like no, I’m not ready to talk about any kind of change. I’m used to my house of forty plus years. I’m used knowing how many steps it is to the bathroom in the middle of the night from my bed. I mean there’s all kinds of things that were embarking on when you talk about change. So college me to understand that change is very difficult to people. I know for my own husband I use telling you I’m never moving, we’re never moving. I’m going like, well, honey, we have stairs, we have you know, we have things that we may not be able to do in the future. So we have to think about those in time, not movement. And he’s so funny and it’s like you have to realize that someday you’re not going to be able to keep up the yard, you’re not going to be able to do those things. So even for us, you know, when we start thinking about we’re in our mid S, we have to start thinking about the future. I even have high school friends that have, you know, we’re tire retiring now as age sixty five, and they’re downsizing, they’re getting ready these great, big, huge homes and they’re looking at you know, how do I best? You know, he’s grace to weet into my aging years and I think that’s really a smart way to do it. It is, it is a smart way. Just never make it the elephants in the room. I’ll tell a quick story. Yesterday I met with a couple and it’s been at the very early stages of making a change age, but it was a relationship that, you know, they’re been married forty plus years there and they’re late s and in early S, and the wife did not know much about her husband’s health and he just was very private about that. Never did she go to doctor’s appointments, didn’t know any of the medications and she was positive that, you know, this was going to be just a bearcat to be able to get some information, to be able to help her husband. And he does have dementia starting right now, and she’s aware of that. But in the conversation we warmed up to to the couple and I was able to have all the conversations that the wife never thought would happen. Wow, it is amazing what a third party can do who is really, you know, and we really are striving always to be respectful, that we want to be with dignity. I always ask permission about you know. Can we talk about the subject. That kind of takes the defenses down. This particular couple of husband looked at his wife and said put your plugs in your ears right now. I mean it. We and we laughed about it. Protect her. And that’s the thing. I think that somebody like you coming in, you know, I see this metaphor of you can’t build a house on a folty foundation. Right, if you don’t have all the facts and all the details and all the options, it’s very difficult to make the plan. And so having somebody like you that can pull out what are the necessary pieces to create a solid plan moving forward that is unique to that individual couple or individual is huge. It’s huge in the whole big picture of you know, how do you do this in the most graceful way and the aise of not putting burden on your children either, because there’s a lot of things in that realm as well. Is there? There is? Yeah, there is. In the beginning stages we talk a lot about options in different care communities and what they mean. We also talk a lot about finances. I don’t get into the specifics of someone’s finances, but we talked about it in terms of if you have x amount of money, this is probably what’s going to happen specifically, and so we at least have information to work with. So this is a time that’s very important sometimes to include your children, include the children, include the elders that you know. Whoever’s calling me, we need to include the other family so everyone’s getting all the information at the same time. Very important to do. Nobody needs to be left in the dark. Usually this is a time that we have lots of conversations of that turns into humor. We talk about the things that we won’t be able to do anymore or the things that I wish I could, or my bucket lits that I never got to and those are very uplifting conversation. So this is a positive time to do this. Along that same line, in terms of options, we talked about the reality of options, and this this conversation that I’m going to have is not to downgrade any particular community of care or upgrade another. They’re all different and they all serve a purpose. But what I’m finding is that most people don’t know what all their options are and they have a misnomer about what each option means and particularly whether you again whether you have twenty two nickels or two nickels. It’s very important to plan your finances. Don’t go into something and just go well, I think I have enough, my mom has three hundred thousand, that should be enough. Have someone talk to you about what is that three hundred thousand going to be able to buy? You talk about what condition? I’m sorry, I said we were surprised, but I remember when, you know, I was told by my sister law at the time that was running O my mother’s finances. This is before I took over. She said, your mom has sixtyzero dollars left. I would what, and that was only like after about three years, and you know, two years person I didn’t I was just shocked. But it goes so fast and the thing that we also need to understand this, and I think too, is you hit on something really important and that’s the communication piece, because families don’t communicate. I think a lot of times what will happen with families is they will they don’t want to talk about the elephant in the room. Right and they don’t know how to bring it up and so they tend to think that it’s respectful to their loved ones not to get into these conversations. And in many ways that’s true, because you’re the daughter somebody like you coming in as a professional early stages. You can ask those questions that sons are daughters and may not be able to ask or get that right information. I mean, wouldn’t you say that that’s we have? You’re absolutely, absolutely. I mean I say all the time very often the hardest people to receive care from as your family, and the hardest people to care for are your family. Well, the same is true in terms of talking about finances, change, moving forward, limitations in your life, and so let someone be in in your circle of trust to help facilitate that conversation as you’re looking at the options and discussing what things are important too. And let’s just assume your mom and dad right now. As you’re thinking about that, not only do you have to think about what’s Today. Does this need the needs of today, but financially, will this meet the needs of my parents tomorrow? Two years down the road? Are we anticipating a conversion to Medicaid? Do we want it. You know, are we doing this far enough advance and that health is such that it’s very likely that someone’s going to be with US Five, ten, twenty years? Still? Sure we need to plan for that accordingly, without compromising quality of life today. Those are the things that most families don’t even know how to approach, let alone think about. How quality of life today planning for tomorrow. How do you do that together? It’s real important and everybody in the family has a different experience of that that you know, family member, whether you know you know. I love how, if mom has dementia, she can get it together for a day. Daughter’s coming to town to visit, you know, and she hasn’t seen her for six months. Boil boy, you know, there’s something happens. It’s like they’re totally coherent that day and then the next day mom falls apart after daughter leaves because you know, and that’s the thing that you know to understand, that the people that are there full time. They have the real story and sometimes that communication, those experiences, can create communications grip between members in the family. The other thing is it’s just the regular family dynamics that go on with everybody with different personalities, different value systems, different types of you know, priorities. That’s right, that’s exactly right. Part of what pinnacle can help you through all of that is giving resources. And so when I meet with or any of our advisors meet with you, the family, we can listen to your story and figure out what resources may be helpful for you. And these are resources that don’t necessarily have a cost to them. There races is that you can tap into through aging and disability, through a county, maybe through a senior center. Maybe they’re support groups that we know about. We can give you vetted suggestions for elder law attorneys. We can give you vetted suggestions for people that might need to add a psychiatrist on. You might need in home help. We can help you with all of those things. We are information post. Yeah, information post to help you get through these changes with grace and dignity. Yes, yes, and you know that is so huge. And in our next segment, I know we’re going to discuss a little bit about how you work one of one with a senior and their family once that that change starts to happen. So in the meantime, how do we read you? Well, I’d love to get a phone call from you at our phone number, which is eight hundred and fifty five, seven, thirty four, one thousand five hundred. Again, that’s eight hundred and fifty five, seven, thirty four one one five hundred, and then also our website. You can learn about us and you can connect with us to be as a website, which is Pinnacle Senior Placementscom. Well, we’re very excited to have you back and everyone just think about right now with your family. Where are you if you have a senior loved one or are you senior? Think about what we’ve been talking about today and do you have the proper plan? This is important. Again, if you don’t want to burden your family members or if you are a family member, how can you have that conversations? Now is the time to call down bag. There’s no risk, for services are absolutely free and she can certainly guide in your family moving forward. So we’re going to talk about that in our next segments right after this. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom