Tips to Facilitate a Senior Home Sale, Part 1

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

Welcome to the Answers for Elders Radio show. Meet the trusted experts who will give you straight answers and we’ll help guide you on the path of later life care. Now here’s your host, founder, caregiver and CEO, Suzanne Newman.  – And welcome everyone to Answers for Elders Radio Network. And we are here with a wonderful Rebecca Bomann from SASH Services. And Rebecca, I am so excited we’re going to be talking to our listeners today about if you have a loved one that has Alzheimer’s dementia, you’re dealing with how to negotiate or bring about a sale of a home in process of trying to figure out how to get them care. There’s all kinds of moving parts, there’s all kinds of different things, and this is Rebecca’s specialty. And I really want to talk to those families that may have a concern about to love one that has dementia in you know, that are still living at home. You’re concerned about them to a certain degree. So um, Rebecca, I’m so glad you’re here. And this is a very common program. A problem, isn’t it. It is thank you for having me, Suzanne, as always, and we get calls here at SASH from a lot of families who are looking at the care of their senior loved one who is having progressive dementia or Alzheimer’s, and cognitively they’re not able to take care of themselves anymore. They’re not able to make the financial decisions anymore. They’re on that journey um which is really hard to be on for the family. And then right in the middle of it, they’re trying to figure out how do we pay for mom or dad’s care? And the home is usually the biggest asset and the most available to sell in order to pay for that round the clock care that mom or dad need. And so what we find is families find themselves in two intense situations at the same time. Were the caregiver, we have to manage mom’s finances, mom’s care, where is she going to move to? What level of she need? Doctor’s appointments? And holy can only We’ve got this home that she’s lived in for fifty years, it’s full, it hasn’t been ready for market. How in the world are we gonna do this? And just this year, Suzanne, I’ve assisted eight families with the sale of their home when there was someone in the family on on title of the home who had dementia Alzheimer’s, and so you’re absolutely right. It’s very common, and we want to talk about it today. We want to give tips and guidance and encouragement and hopefully your listeners can gather something from our show today where they go, I’m so glad I listened to that because now I know to do X, Y or Z as I’m navigating this with my family. You know, Rebecca, it’s been even worse after the pandemic, as so many seniors that probably should have had care in some way even during you know, quarantine, and they were still in their homes when they really weren’t safe. And this is what I’m learning about more and more, how much that being isolated has also escalated UM symptoms of Alzheimer’s dementia or things that are going on in the home that you may not realize, like they haven’t cleaned the refrigerator for a year, or they haven’t um, they’ve been hoarding things or you know, UM things are not getting you know, they’re not living in a clean environment because they’re not or not coharing things. Yeah, they’re not. They’re not using you know, grooming their own you know, practicing activities of daily living properly. So they’re not living in a good scenario. And yet there’s this element of fear of because I I’ve closed and been living in this bubble. I’m too afraid to go out. I’m too afraid to be, you know, more involved in the world. And that’s been difficult on both the family side, the spouses in the middle of things, oftentimes with you know, let’s say Dad’s trying to take care of mom the best you can, but Mom’s got dementa, Mom’s not tracking. I mean, I’m sure you’re seeing a lot of that. And you’re so right, Suzanne about the pandemic, because a lot of families were separated from their senior loved ones for months. They were quarantining mom or dad was in another state or another city at home alone, maybe their symptoms were progressing, and nobody really was around them to see and everyone was so afraid of passing COVID one to another that I think, you know, there was a lot of discoveries made as folks began to sort of connect again and see one another again like wow, you know, we really need to do something here, and um, mom isn’t safe at home anymore. Dad isn’t safe at home. And we recognize that the senior loved ones, especially when they’re suffering from dementia Alzheimer’s, they want to stay home. We know they want to stay home, and everybody does. Every family wants to give that to them, right. They want to be in their familiar environment with the rooms. They love the decor, they love the furniture, they’re comfortable in the neighborhood, they’re comfortable in. But there comes that time when it just doesn’t work anymore. Financially, it doesn’t work because even if you get caregivers in in the home to take care of mom or dad. I’m working with a family right now where their loved one has dementia and they have twenty four our caregivers in their home, and Suzanne, it’s f teen thousand dollars a month for around the clock care in their home. Now, fifteen thousand dollars a month is a lot of money. And and you even if you own your home outright and you’ve paid your home off years ago, still a lot of money you can burn through all the equity in your home in just a couple of years, putting out fifteen thousand dollars a year. So financially, it doesn’t make sense to stay at home. And then of course there’s the safety element. Right stove is left on, the doors are left open or unlocked, there’s electrical hazards, there’s fall risks, exactly, fall risks. And family members are going and checking on mom every day, and they’re they’re starting to be so frazzled because of the stress of knowing that Mom’s in an unsafe environment or dad’s in an unsafe that they just reached that point where it’s time. It’s time to get mom or dad into a place of care. And well, we’re gonna have to sell the home to pay for it. And this is where they call us. This is where our guidance begins many times, and when I come into a situation where I’m working directly with those powers of attorneys. So we do want to talk directly to these folks today. UM we encourage you, give you guidance, give you tips and support and UM guidelines for what to do ahead and spend our time this way. And you know, I am glad we’re having this conversation because you know, so often it’s like the power of attorney or that person that’s in in charge. They’re also getting a lot of stories from other people in the family. And I think one of the things that everybody that’s listening to this podcast or this show has to understand that everything is different. You know, everybody perspective is different. Their experiences of mom and dad and dementia. Is funny because I know I’ve seen it. I saw it with my own mother. They can rise to the occasion and act totally normal for a period of time. Family. You know, you’re saying, my mom and dad can’t live normal, you know, by themselves anymore. And then they go and they go to the house and mom or dad just rises up to the occasion and they are just fine, and then they fall apart. After that, you know that child is gone. So to understand that everybody has a different experience and don’t negate those that you know, if you’re not seeing it, it doesn’t mean it’s not there. And that’s the thing that um, I think you’re gonna talk a lot about trust, the power of attorney, trust, and and your job as a subling is to support whatever that power of attorney UM believes. And I think that’s really UM an important part of this conversation, is it not Yes? And and I tell families often just because I work with this so much and I see it, is I say, there’s moments of lucidity. This is not an honor off switch that since it’s off, it’s always off, you know. As far as cognitive abilities and memory, there’s moments of lucidity where they’re just like you’re saying, they rise to the occasion, they’re perfectly clear, they’re remembering things, they’re talking clearly, they know what happened yesterday. Then a few hours later they will have no memory of anything that happened that morning. And one sibling might have one interaction and the other sibling might have the other interaction. And so I think what you’re saying, and I really agree with you, is give the caregivers the benefit of the doubt, you know, believe them when they say things are starting to slip, you know, and it’s starting to become unsafe and we may need to start making decisions and looking to the next few months of care. And that’s the thing I think that’s really important with all of this is as I always say, Um, that person was made a power of attorney for a reason. Yes, And if your your parent or your loved one you know, was appointed that person while they were still lucid, it’s because they trusted that person to make those kind of decisions. And I think it’s important that we all understand what our role is. You know, who’s on first, who’s on second. As somebody says that first basement, that person that is in you know, that is running the picture. Whoever’s taking care of that person, they’re the ones that need to be supported, and your decision are your your input obviously is welcomed, I would hope. But it’s also understand that the less that you know, who has the less say is that is the power of attorney. And they have a difficult job, very difficult, hard decisions. They’re being second guest, they’re being armchair quarterbacked by people. They’re often getting guilt trips from folks. Oh yeah, they’re being there being ostracized because people get angry with them if they have to make an unpopular decision. I know that, Um, you know that happened with my family and we’ve talked about that. The fact that you know, you’re in a very difficult scenario when you’re you are the power of attorney, but you also have the you know, the mindset to be able to do that. You know this person, you can advocate for this person, and I think that’s really why I’m excited about talking about this. So anyway, UM, I’m looking forward to diving into this. Yes, we’ve got lots of tips and guidelines that we can get into in our next segment, and we just want to be here for you, give you valuable information support and this is all based on my years of experience of doing this day in and day out. Well, Rebecca, I can’t wait, and so in the meantime, everyone, Rebecca Bomann and I are going to be right back right after this. – We it Answers for Elders thank you for listening. Did you know that you can discover hundreds of podcasts in our library on senior care, So visit our website and discover our decision guides that will help you also navigate decision making. Find us at https://answersforelders.com/