How do families navigate crossroads? There are always curve balls and we have to face a change. Daphne Davis at Pinnacle Senior Placements is a master of helping families navigate change. An often-asked question is, “When do we make a change?”
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*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.
The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio, and welcome to answers for elders radio everyone. It is at the crossroads as we are here in talking about changes with our wonderful sponsor for today’s program pinnacles senior placements, Daphne Davis. Daphne, welcome to the program. Thank you. We are talking about this whole month. We’re focusing on, you know, transitions. It’s about how do families navigate cross roads? And you know, I always say this is my always if we knew what to prepare for, we would do it. But there’s always in the world of aging, there’s things that curveballs. We get curveballs all the time and all of a sudden we have to face a change. You kind of are a change master in many cases. You help. You know your way shower in so many ways of working with families and I would love to get some you know what is your words of wisdom when you come to that point as a family, you know when you know what should happen. Sometimes I get, you know, in casual conversations when I explain to people what I do I start getting stories all the time and the common thing that I hear is, well, when do we make a change? How do I know? And my motto is, first of all, to be thinking about on a holistic health at level, to be thinking about things like as my mom and dad eating? Are they getting enough hydras? Are Eating? What are what are they eating? You know, you might be putting meals into their home for them. You started sign of supporting them in that way. Or they might be coming to your house and you’re sending leftovers and you go visit them and the leftovers are still there and you’re wondering, oh my gosh, I’d haven’t even had to buy another dozen eggs form for two weeks. How come they’re not having a, you know, an egg in the morning? That can kind of be clues. The other thing is hydration. hydration is so important. I know we kind of toss it around a lot right now for all age groups, but it’s really important is to keep all of the systems working as well as possible. And then the third one is are they getting their medications timely and appropriately? Are you finding any market medications that are on the floor, a little tiny pill that they might have dropped and weren’t aware that they dropped it as they were, you know, taking their pills that morning. Those are some just real physical things that you can kind of tune into. The other things that you can think about are on an emotional level. Are you seeing any kind of slump in their smile? Is The twinkle disappearing in their eye? Are You not hearing the stories and the Frivolity of walking down Memory Lane? Are you not able to pull mom or dad out of their little cocoon? And if that’s happening consistently, might be time to have some conversations about what’s going on and find out what’s happening. And really what you’re talking about is quality of life. I am and I think what I find is thought a lot of seniors. They lose friends, you know, maybe they’re their world gets smaller as they stay at home more. They’re not as mobile, maybe they’re not driving or they’re afraid to drive very far. Those are, to me, all signals that it may be time to make a change of the TV. How how many hours are they’re sitting there in front of their TV set? It’s from you know, that is another side of it. And recognizing that the social aspect of life, especially at this time of their their life, is so important. You have to be intentional about that as well, right. I mean, that might not mean that your parents have to move out of their home. It might mean more that says, you know what, maybe I should try and figure out what such and such senior center is doing. And now that’s for the old people. There might be somebody that your must say that there was something that they like. My Dad was in his as he said that I don’t want to go there with those old people. Go Dad, were probably younger than you. Those are things that we can gently do and take the lead. I mean if we just say mom and dad will just go check it out or go drive out, they’re not going to do it. The world has gotten so small and that’s something, as a support person, that you can do for them and come home with a brochure that says you know what, they’re playing panicle on Thursday afternoons. Dad, you love to play panicle and mom stick of it. There might be some three other people. I want to play panicle and they need a fourth. Exactly. It’s change. It’s something different. You have to facilitate it. You have to be excited about it. Go with them, sit across the table, introduce them to somebody. You know, it takes a little bit of energy on your part, but it increases their quality of life dramatically. And I also I just had a sit down with a dear friend of mine who is in her later s and she says, you know, I just brought up last week about where I want to go after I’m move out and I thought to myself wow, that’s really interesting, and she says, you know, but I just don’t even know about what to do. And I said, you know, the best thing to do is find out the communities in your neighborhood and just schedule go once a week or once a month with your daughter and we have lunch there once a month. They would love to have you. You can get a feel for the community see if this is for you or not. That is totally it’s not. There’s no pressure. Just check it out. It’s a good avenue of exploring. You know. What does he even mean? I have a dear friend of mine for thirty years and his mom is she lives in North Seattle and and she’s kind of at that brink of I think I should make a change and she’s still independent. And what does that look like? And how do I do it? And you know, Stephanie, can you help us like like, of course. Well, we’re not ready to make a change now. No, this is a process, this is a journey. This is thank you for welcoming me into your journey. Right. And I think the other thing is is people think that well, if I if I’m perfectly mobile and if I can do things for myself, you know, like I can still clean my house. Maybe you don’t want to clean your house. It’s okay, you know. And let me just say something very boldly. If you’ve been living in your house for last forty, fifty years and and you’ve been thinking about selling your house, I’m telling you right now, is it time to do it in our Seattle market anyway? Goodness and maximize it, you know, your independence of having care if you ever need it exactly and really finding that level of life that suits you and your loved one. And and I think the other side of it is is what you know. We’ll talk in the next another segment is talking about, you know, the adult child of as you get older, to prepare for what, quote unquote, could happen. What are your boundaries around your ability to help your loved one? One of the things that I did, which was a huge mistake in my life, is I put my life last and I there were consequences as far as that goes, and you need to have these conversations with your spouse. We you know with your job, with your employer, different things like that. If your parent is starting to need care, what does that look like in your own house so that you don’t lose your life? It’s right, not losing your life but losing your relationship with your loved one as well, because if you take on that care manager role, your relationship will change right. That might be right for your family situation. It might not be, but at least be educated to know what your options are. Absolutely so we are talking to Daphne Davis from pinnacles senior placements. Daphne, what area do you serve? I generally serve from Olympia to Martinsville. So now how much? King and Pierce are strong holds for me. Most often I work in piercing King County and now I’m going out onto Kitsap area. That’s in Jefferson county a lot like wow, that’s amazing. That’s amazing. You’ve got I don’t know how you can keep track, but you’ve got New People in your in your company now. Yeah, we have Emily and Erica and Joline and we’re all committed to doing that face-to-face work. Our theme in our company is doing the right thing for the right reason every time, or as much as we can. Yeah, I actually you in less months newsletter. I actually wrote about you for that and that’s that was my tagline for you, because I do know that that’s absolutely who you are. And and you know, we have worked with Daphne for a long time now and I have seen her personally work with families and you know, it is so worth it to give Daphne a phone call and learn a little bit about how she works with families, because I think that’s important. And and really talking about that dialog that you that you bring up, and so you know, when you go meet with a client, you know a family, what happens? So I go there and I have a conversation. I first of all whoever’s making the initial phone call to me, and I just got one on Saturday from one of your listeners here and she said, I’ve been hanging on to this information and now’s the time. Now it’s the time for me to call. I said, you know, tell me a little bit of background to what’s going on, and then I offered to them I can be whoever you would like me to be. If it’s too fearful for your parents to even hear the words of a you know, moving out of their house, we don’t have to say that they were just in the hospital. I could be a social worker that’s coming to just follow up and make sure things are going okay. Sounds like a little bit of a white lie, but it’s in the best interest of making sure that your loved ones are comfortably. My job is to build relationship, to earn their trust, to earn your trust as the person who’s advocating for them, and so I would have conversation just to find out who they are as people and then for you to help also help me learn what are their physical needs, what are their emotional needs? Varies, are spiritual needs, and how can I share my eighteen years of experience with you to find just that magic place that they’re going to thrive. And you know, that makes all the difference in the world and the fact that I think one of the things that you’d say is is about letting them feel hurt. Yes, I think a lot of times that family members when they come together, we’ve talked about this in previous previous programs, how they’ll converge in this meeting and they’re all going to tell their parent about what they think they need to have a happen. And you know, I think the idea is in making a change, it’s to help them understand that they’re making the choice and make them feel empowered in that change. That’s right and understanding to have the clear lines of communication, which to me is always mother or daughter. It’s you know, you’ll always be the daughter, you’ll always be the sun. That’s never going to change, and so have somebody like you to help ease that is is so important. Yeah, one of the things that can happen when there’s particularly multiple siblings and and we’re getting together, because I do like have everybody present to hear the same information so that we don’t have any triangles of conversations going on. But sometimes I have to just reach across and touch some of these are and just boldly say, you know, let your dad finish, you know. So I’m there as an advocate for the person who is needing some extra support, always in a kind, loving way, always in a way that empowers everyone. But we get into habits and sometimes those habits need to be broke. Well. So how can we reach you? So you can reach me at the following phone number of eight hundred and fifty five, seven thirty four, one, one five hundred, or at my website, which is PinnacleSeniorPlacements.com. And your services are absolutely free to families. There’s no fine print, there no and I work with every care facility in the state of Washington, whether I quote, and not to get too much in the weeds, but whether I have a contract or not with them doesn’t matter to me. I want to expose you to whatever is right for your parents so their personally can’t see a downside and calling now there is no downside. I recommend that our listeners do, Daphne. Thanks again for being in the program today. You’re so welcome. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio to contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom
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Originally published June 16, 2018