5 Ways To Help Your Grandchildren Recover from Losing a Pet
When I was a hospice social worker, I attended a grief seminar. The speaker announced that we’d be participating in an exercise meant to help us better understand the grieving process. The activity was to draw a picture of a loved one we’d lost. At twenty-three, I hadn’t lost a loved one. The speaker instructed those who hadn’t experienced the death of a loved one to draw a picture of a beloved pet they’d lost.
So, I did.
As I began drawing my childhood dog Simba, memories came pouring in. Memories of him pulling me like a sledding dog as I sat on my skateboard. Of him curling up like a cat in my lap and napping as I watched cartoons. My childhood dog was a super rare breed called a Basenji. Instead of barking, he made odd sounds and would yodel when left alone. I remembered how he slept in my bed and would make a noise between a grunt and a growl when I moved. He was truly a beautiful and unique dog. So much so that someone stole him out of our backyard. Our neighbors had seen people taking him but thought it was our family. I never got to say goodbye to my first pet. I just kept waiting for the miracle of his return.
Sometime during that drawing exercise, I felt the impact of that loss. At first, it was just tears flooding my eyes. The tears built and then splashed onto my drawing. The next thing I knew, I was silently sobbing. I was eleven years old again: the little girl who waited for days, weeks, and months for the return of her dog. Suddenly reeling with unhealed grief, I got up from my seat and raced to the bathroom to cry.
It’s important to provide emotional support to your grandchildren as they recover from the loss of a pet. More than likely, it will be their first devastating loss. Here are five ways you can help them grieve and heal.
1. Be present.
Never underestimate the healing you can provide during your grandchildren’s loss. Sometimes, the death of a family pet will be equally difficult for your adult children. They may be dealing with their own grief as they try to remain strong and supportive of their kids. Your level-headed empathy may be just what your grandchildren need. An understanding hug or a warm word of comfort will show your grands how deeply you care about their loss.
If your family wants to have a burial ceremony, offer to help in any way you can. Long-distance grandparents can reach out over the phone. Let your grandchildren know that tears are okay and that you understand their pain. Being a grandparent guarantees that you have more experience with loss than your offspring and have genuine solace to offer. You can also provide hope. After the tears are dried or the burial ceremony is complete, offer to take the family for ice cream. The small gestures always mean the most.
If your adult children want to treat the loss as a private family event, accept their decision with grace and wait in the wings to provide any help that may later be needed and much appreciated.
2. Be open.
As your grandchildren process their first loss, it may ease their pain if you share how you felt about the loss of your first or favorite pet. Telling them your story will let them know the feelings they are experiencing are normal and give them a bit of a glimpse into the fact that you were once young like them and shared similar feelings and experiences. As you open up, it may help your grandchildren to better understand their loss. Remember—they see you as a larger-than-life superhero in many ways. To know that “Super Gramps” or “Wonder Gram” overcame their grief will shine the light of hope into their hurting hearts. Open communication can lead to a speedier mourning period as you deepen bonds with your grandchildren.
3. Be thoughtful.
In the days to come, you can be sure that your grandchildren will still be reeling from the sting of loss. They will experience varying degrees of emotions based on their ages and personalities. You might brighten their days by taking them to one of their favorite destinations. Preparing them some comfort food will be a kind gesture. As time passes and the immediate hurt eases, you might consider giving them a personalized pet grave plaque or having a personalized Christmas tree ornament made. Of course, check in with their parents to see if your gifts aren’t redundant. Sometimes, parents want to be the ones to show their love with such gestures of remembrance.
4. Be patient.
Children are usually quite resilient, but older grandchildren may take a longer time to process their grief. Each of your grandchildren will grieve in their own way. If you feel a bit estranged from them despite your attempts to show your empathy and support, don’t despair. Time is a healer. With your patience, wisdom, and unwavering support, your grandchildren will return to their old selves again.
5. Be helpful.
There will probably come a day when your grandchildren want another pet. A new pet goes a long way in repairing a broken heart. The antics of an energetic puppy or fuzzy kitten are pure sunshine. If your adult children feel it’s too soon or too expensive and need some guidance or help, be willing to talk to them and weigh the pros and cons. If it comes down to splitting the adoption and vetting costs, be willing to give enough for your grandchildren to experience the love of a pet again. Maybe you can’t afford to give money, but you can give the gift of your time. Take your grands’ new pet to a vetting appointment. Be willing to care for their new pet while your family is on vacation. If a wooden or buried fence is needed, give a weekend or two to make it happen.
Takeaway
What began as a childhood tragedy can end as an eternal triumph. Being there physically and emotionally for your grandchildren may be something they forever carry in their hearts. Your grandchildren might appreciate your love and support so much that their new pet becomes your namesake. After all, I once named my pet hermit crab after my grandpa!
If you’re looking for a pet, here are some great resources to look into:
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Originally published July 28, 2025
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