6 Things You Should NEVER Say to Your Grandchildren about Aging
Aging. It’s become a hot topic in our youth-obsessed world. Popular performers and cultural icons are undergoing youth-preserving procedures like never before. Even younger people are having preventative Botox to stop aging before it even starts. Little girls are starting skincare routines at ten.
All this spells out only one thing: Our society has a deathly fear of growing old.
As a grandparent, you can be instrumental in helping your grandchildren form a healthier and more grounded understanding of the blessings and privileges of aging. One way to do this is to avoid lamenting your age-related struggles in front of your grandkids. Here are a few things you shouldn’t say about aging in the presence of your grandchildren.
1. “I wish I could be that young/that thin again!”
If you’ve ever watched a free movie that comes with the caveat of ads, you’ve probably been bombarded with commercials. The other day, I wasn’t subjected to just any commercials. I was forced to watch anti-aging ads geared toward women.
I witnessed a beautiful young female applying miracle makeup that wouldn’t collect in her “fine lines.” I saw another ad for a lip gloss guaranteed to plump lips and combat mouth wrinkles. And then I watched a perfectly lovely woman injecting herself with a “safe and guaranteed” rapid weight loss medication.
With so many anti-aging products being shoved in our faces, it can be tempting to bring up your “glory days.” You might lament how your skin is no longer smooth, and your waist is no longer small. While you might see these as harmless comments, your grandkids might interpret them differently. They might begin to see aging as an ugly, horrific process.
Given that your grandchildren may start attending dances as early as the first grade, they’re facing the pressure previous generations never knew. The quest for beauty, perfection, and youth is thrust upon them every day and everywhere. The downsides of aging will be a message they catch from society at large—and it’s one they will carry for the rest of their lives.
But, as a loving grandparent, you have the wisdom and tools to combat the mounting age-related fears. You also have the privilege to change your grandchildren’s perspective on aging. Instead of grieving for your lost youth, let your grandkids know that aging is a privilege.
2. “Fifty years from now, it won’t make a bit of difference.”
When it came to aging, my many grandparents were akin to the 31 flavors of Baskin-Robbins. My grandparents came with an assortment of personalities and life experiences. And like ice cream, most of my memories of my grandparents are sweet. However, they said a few things that left a bit of an unpleasant aftertaste in my mouth.
For example: “Fifty years from now, it won’t make a bit of difference.”
I heard that phrase almost every day from the time my step-grandfather came to live with us during my junior year of high school. He was fifty-eight and had lost his job. His Eeyore-esque mantra and personality didn’t particularly faze me at the time. But as I grew older, those words from my youth began to creep into my thoughts now and then. Sometimes, I catch myself thinking, “Why bother, because fifty years from now…”
It can be tempting to grouse and complain or even voice a few of those nihilistic musings that occasionally pop into our heads. However, be careful what you say to and around your grandkids. Don’t give them the impression that their twilight years will be nothing but a slow march toward death. Maybe things truly won’t matter fifty years from now, but the words you say to your grandkids in the present certainly will.
3. “I won’t be a burden. I will just put my head in the oven and turn on the gas.”
This phrase came from one of my favorite grandparents—albeit not mine. “Granny” was my husband’s grandmother. As a child, she had lost her mother, father, and both sisters to tuberculosis. As if that weren’t difficult enough, she had two unhappy marriages that produced even more heartache. Despite her troubles, she had eight children and umpteen grandchildren and great-grandchildren, most of whom lived close by and adored her.
After Granny turned eighty and started to face more age-related challenges, she began to comment more and more on her mortality. Her go-to remark was always: “I won’t be a burden. I will just put my head in the oven and turn on the gas.” She was a quiet and witty woman with a spunky demeanor, and I don’t think she meant what she was saying. However, I did worry my two young children would hear her and worry about their beloved Granny. Fortunately, she lived to the ripe old age of ninety-eight.
But Granny can serve as a cautionary tale. As we age, it can be tempting to comment on our mortality. After all, once we hit a certain age, we’re closer to death than not. But talking about your impending death in front of impressionable kids can scare them. Worse still, it can give them the idea that older people are a burden—and that they, too, will be a burden as they age.
4. “You are officially over the hill at thirty-three.”
This ideology came from one of the most life-embracing and humorous adopted grandparents I had. My Great-Uncle George came to live with us at 79 after his wife passed away. Having no children of his own, he loved our family and acted like a grandfather toward me. He was pure sunshine in our household. Yet, to my consternation, he would repeat his over-the-hill phrase every so often, always with an objection from me.
My great-uncle never acted his age in his entire life. He loved to play checkers, Trivial Pursuit, and countless games of Yahtzee with me. He sang old songs and ditties and loved talking about how he skipped school as a boy and ran away to the circus. Being in my early twenties, I took umbrage at his age philosophy, especially since he was so full of life. In fact, Uncle George taught me more about the beauty and honor of aging than any other person in my life.
All that to say—don’t make your grandkids believe that reaching a certain age means their life is practically over. Many people are already filled with fear at the thought of turning thirty or even forty. Don’t be the reason your grandchild dreads their thirtieth birthday. Instead, discuss the milestones that happened when you were in your thirties. Tell them about that job promotion or the birth of your third child, or the car you bought that you couldn’t have afforded in your twenties. Share the wisdom you gained in your third decade of life. Be positive!
5. “When your grandpa and I die, what would you like to have from our house?”
It’s never a bad idea to get your affairs in order. But I was ten years old when my grandmother came into the living room with her notebook and sprang this peculiarly morbid question upon me: “When your grandpa and I die, what would you like to have from our house?”
Unknowingly, my grandmother introduced me to the concept of mortality and kept me wondering if one of my grandparents was hiding some illness. They acted normal enough. But I was concerned. They were the bedrock of my childhood. My childhood calendar revolved around our visits, as they were almost as close to me as my parents. I never shared my confusion or asked questions. As time passed, my fears subsided. Both of my grandparents were relatively healthy and lived very long lives.
However, they could have saved me a lot of worry if they hadn’t posed that question. So, even though estate planning is never a bad thing, maybe think twice about involving young grandkids in the process.
6. “Your father’s side of the family is prone to diabetes. You don’t want to die like they did.”
I was very young when my caring grandmother would randomly check the color of my urine when I visited. I had no clue what diabetes was at five years old. I did know it was related to eating a lot of sugar, which my grandmother monitored. Since neither my mother nor any other family member seemed concerned or used the “D” word about me, I didn’t pay it much mind.
But, like a boomerang, the fear grandma expressed when I was very young creeps into my thoughts around the holidays and birthdays, or any other time I let my sweet tooth get the better of me. Whether your family has a history of diabetes or heart disease, talking about such things in front of your grandkids can make them worry. Instead, teach them healthy habits and emphasize the benefits of eating well and exercising.
Be Your Grandchildren’s Senior Superhero!
Like any superhero (and trust me, you are exactly that to your grandchildren), you have the power to combat age-related fears and biases with your positive words and powerful witness as you navigate your golden years. Although I’ve heard and stored some worrisome and morbidly comical statements from my grandparents, by and large, I watched them live their lives with purpose to the very end. Most came from the Greatest Generation and left an incredibly positive imprint on my life. I want to grow old with their kind of greatness and grace. Now, that’s a powerful legacy to leave.
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Originally published July 14, 2025
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