7 Tips for Being a Peacemaker in Your Family This Thanksgiving
I’m a peacekeeper to a fault. My tendency is to avoid uncomfortable situations and keep things happy and lively. Especially at Thanksgiving, I just want everyone to get along. But I’ve learned that peacekeeping is far different than peacemaking. The former avoids conflict at all costs, while the latter creates opportunities for healthy discussions and interactions.
In Matthew 5:9, Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” As a child of God, I want to turn my peacekeeping ways into peacemaking ways. I want to create an atmosphere of openness and warmth where everyone feels welcome.
If you’re anticipating a bit of tension around the Thanksgiving table this year, here are seven tips for being a peacemaker in your family.
1. Fill Your Own Cup First
Please don’t start your Thanksgiving celebration on empty. Even with all the preparation and planning, carve out plenty of time to rest, rejuvenate, and fill your cup. This might include:
- Doing something relaxing the night before
- Taking a hot bath before guests arrive
- Going for a prayer walk
- Listening to a motivating podcast
- Delegating tasks to other family members
It will be difficult to maintain peace if you start the day in a frenzy, so plan to take good care of yourself in the days leading up to Thanksgiving. Fill your cup with encouraging Scriptures, affirming prayers, and inspiring worship. By starting the day full of joy, you’ll have no problem being the peacemaker in your family!
2. Speak Life Over Every Person
Our human nature is to label people—even our own family members. We might think of Uncle Joe as “the grumpy one” or Cousin Sue as the “annoying one.” However, speaking life over every person can make all the difference for a peaceful celebration.
Begin now by praying for each family member by name. When negative thoughts come to mind, release them to Jesus and pray for His blessing. Think of something good about the person and thank God for them. Here are a few examples:
- Lord, thank You for my sister, who is thoughtful and kind.
- I am grateful for my brother, who is funny and engaging.
- Praise God for my mom, who has the gift of hospitality.
- Thank You for my dad, who is the Spiritual leader of our family.
Speaking life over your family is a beautiful way to be a peacemaker before they even arrive. Give this a try and see how it changes the dynamic of your family gathering this Thanksgiving.
3. Pray Blessing Over the Household
Before I host a holiday gathering, I pray over each room, asking the Lord to send many angels to guard and protect. I pray for God’s favor and blessing on each person who walks through the door. And I ask Him to guide every conversation to be honorable in His sight.
Praying a blessing over your household ushers in God’s peace. It also calms your heart and mind before the festivities begin. Being a peacemaker means you seek the Lord’s peace in every way possible, and praying beforehand prepares your home to be a haven of peace and rest.
Here’s a short blessing for your household: Father, please let your holy presence rest on this home, and let every person who enters feel Your divine peace. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.
4. Release What Is Out of Your Control
No matter how intent we are about keeping peace during the holidays, some things happen out of our control. It might be a hurtful comment, a snide remark, or an outburst of anger. But the only thing we can control is how we respond.
Purpose now to respond with truth in love, letting go of things you cannot change. This doesn’t mean you allow toxic behaviors to continue, but instead, you address family members with peaceful resolutions.
In her article, “5 Biblical Principles for Resolving Family Conflict This Thanksgiving,” Whitney Hopler says, “Often, family conflicts are rooted in unmet expectations, misunderstandings, or hurt feelings. Rather than allowing these grievances to grow into resentment, we need to have open, honest conversations. This might mean addressing long-standing issues with family members before Thanksgiving or finding private time during a Thanksgiving gathering for a heart-to-heart conversation. It’s important to remember that seeking peace is not about winning an argument or proving who is right; it’s about restoring relationships and pursuing unity.”
Take her words to heart this Thanksgiving. Release what is out of your control while pursuing peace, love, and unity in your family.
5. Set Boundaries with Grace
At times, I’m a great boundary setter, especially when it comes to my time. I rarely overcommit, as I’ve learned to prioritize and create plenty of margin in my schedule. However, I’m terrible at boundaries when faced with awkward situations or tension among my family members.
In the post titled “5 Boundaries to Put in Place Before Holiday Gatherings,” author Alicia Searl writes, “Each holiday season seems to bring a different mental and emotional load, causing us to either react from a place of joy, excitement, and whimsical reflection or can resurface grief, fear, and anxiety. In other words, the holidays tend to tap into a wide range of emotions, bringing out the best (and worst) in all of us.”
To be a peacemaker this Thanksgiving, setting boundaries with grace is okay. This might include:
- Excusing yourself during heightened discussions
- Being comfortable saying, “I respectfully disagree.”
- Suggesting another conversation or activity
- Asking the adults to mind their language in front of the kids
Let’s have the courage to be boundary-setting peacemakers this year and create a healthier dynamic for our family gatherings. The Lord will guide us in what to say, helping us set boundaries with love and grace.
6. Plan for Peace
Planning for a peaceful Thanksgiving includes more than roasted turkey and pumpkin pie. It involves inviting your loved ones into healthy conversations, enjoyable activities, and engaging interactions. This could include:
- Friendly competitions such as these “Minute to Win It” games
- A family walk around the block
- Meaningful conversation starters such as these
- Watching holiday movies together
Try out your peacemaking skills by preplanning a few activities for your family to enjoy. It will be better to overplan than to run out of ideas and end up with awkward silence. Sometimes, the simplest way to make peace is to make the holiday lighthearted, fun, and entertaining!
7. Cling to God’s Truth
No matter how well you prepare to be a peacemaker in your family this Thanksgiving, you might come away feeling like you’ve failed. However, please remember Jesus’ words from Matthew 5:16, when He said, “Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
Your good deeds have not gone unnoticed by the Father, my friend. He loves how you’ve displayed the light of His Son and cultivated an environment of peace. In all your disappointments, cling to God’s truth that says, “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” (Colossians 3:23 NLT)
Yes, it is possible to be a peacemaker this Thanksgiving, and you have all the help you need from the Lord. Trust in Him to fill your cup and give you life-giving words, household blessings, and peace in your family. God bless you and keep you as you enjoy every moment!
This article was originally published on Crosswalk.com. Used with permission.
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Originally published November 06, 2024
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