Adjusting to the New Normal with Daphne Davis

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. And Welcome back to answers for elders radio everyone, and we are here with one of our very, very favorite guests of all, Daphne Davis from Pinnacle senior placements. And Daphne, it’s always a wonderful treat when you’re here on the show. Well, I always like to be here because I’m so excited to be talking to all of our listeners. Well, I’m excited you’re here too, because the month of January is all about preparation, planning and what I call new beginnings. You know, a lot of families have been, you know, with their senior loved ones over the holiday season and it seems like they come away was kind of some revelation. Sometimes this is a big time of year of where they kind of sit back and think, wow, I don’t know. You know a lot of people haven’t seen their parents for a while. Yeah, and then they go see their parents and it’s like wow, I didn’t realize how, you know, hard it is for mom to get out of a chair right or you know, I didn’t realize it. Dad was getting confused so often, you know, when he’s talking to me, and you know this is, I’m sure in your work and what you do you’re kind of learning a little bit about that with families. Is that yes, that’s that happens all the time. Another avenue that that communication happens is when siblings or other family members come in and the primary caregiver has been involved with their loved one on a daily basis or weekly basis and they don’t see the things that the other people come in very true. And so then what happens is there can be some defensiveness of the current daily, weekly caregiver that says, well, I’ve been doing all of these things correctly. I you know what do you mean? Mom Can’t do that? Well, yes, she can. And then the sibling may share a story that they saw. And so at first of all I want to talk to all the caregivers who are helping their family members. Please, please, know that you are doing your very best. I know that you are. I it is a very hard job and so in this time when you have gotten some feedback from your family members or friends, take it as objectively as you can and not as a jab at you because you are there and you are listening to all of the stories of your mom or dad and you are listening to the pushback that happens when people want to stay independence. So Pat Yourself on the back, stand up straight and tall, because you are doing a really good job. Yes, so I want to start with that today, because it it gets weary. But along the same lines, when those Aha moments come or when someone is challenging your perspective, try to be objective about that and go you know what, maybe mom has had, you know, a difference in her personality and I’ve just adjusted to it. Or, you know, maybe she’s not remembering to always have her walker. When I go to visit her, the Walker is in the bedroom and not next to her chair. And then you get exacerbated because exasperated because you are like mom. All you have to do is remember your Walker and it doesn’t happens. I think we can’t see the forest for the trees. Yeah, it’s like to we it’s so caught into a rhythm and in a routine. Like I remember when I took care of my mom. Okay, I knew how to handle her wheelchair, I knew exactly how she got in the wheelchair. I knew what we did, would do, and it’s like I was kind of blinded to other things because I had my groove. Well, you had the mechanics of the day. Yeah, you know, we we can’t talk about holistic healthcare in terms of her emotional and social, you know, things going on. I’m talking about mechanics of getting into the bathroom. Yes, come on, yeah, I wanted to be happy, but we’re talking about the reality of life. And so that’s the piece that sometimes, at this time of year, you can have the gift of another perspective. Well, and I think there’s two, is talking about adjusting to a new normal. I think some of US take so much ownership, which I love, by the way. Yeah, of I can handle this, that we sometimes forget our own lives, Yep, and you know, we get lost in the minutia, or they you know, they what I always say, we go down the rabbit hole. And you know I did that. And so when all of a sudden, mom or DAD’s needs increase to the point where your life is starting to, you know, be compromised, right, and that’s the thing where you, as a family, need to be able to determine when that is. It’s about finding a new way to be right and Susy, you have brought up exactly what I’m dealing with now with all of our clients, and I applaud every one of my family’s that I’m working with because currently the primary caregiver of in home or trying to keep mom or dad at home is exhausted and there and they’re exactly where you’ve described. But they have the courage to say, I’m going to explore what the options are. I don’t know what’s best for my mom or Dad, but I need to explore because my husband and I need a life or this is just gotten to be too much. I walk into my mom’s house and I see that the food hasn’t been eaten, that I left in the morning and my mom needs more support. But what I do? I beat myself up as the caregiver that I’m not there stop, call somebody and say help me know what my options are. Be Proactive along the same line, do it before there’s a huge accident. Oh my gosh, it is so true. Death is so is so important and they’re simple things, like we just talked not too long ago to Sean Demilio, from with a little help. And you know, we were talking about the fact that why do people wait until it’s beyond in need to call home care? It’s like, you know, you could establish a relationship today, before you ever need it, with a home care agency, with any sort of service that might help you in the future. So then, are you don’t have that headache when you’re beyond having to have the knee? What? It’s not even a headache, it’s a crisis moment. Yeah, I mean, at least have the conversations to know. I want to align myself with a Home Care Company. I want them to know who my dad is. I want them to know where we’re at, that they can have us on the radar so when I reach my limit or my dad degrees to some care, we don’t have to start from square one. We can be a lot more quickly to get somebody into the home. That’s an excellent point. Another thing is just know what you’re options are before things happen. Yes, you know, and if you’re having this is key, if you’re having thoughts that something might be happening or something is changing, then that’s the time to really move forward. That’s the they’re giving you clues, react to the clues and we are talking to our greatest information lady in the world in that is definitely Davis from pinnacle senior placements. And we weren’t really talked about what pinnacles roll in all of this in the you know, adjusting to this new way of thinking. So tell us a little bit about what pinnacle does and where you served. So I would be lone to those people that you could call my services are completely free to the consumer. I’m paid like a relator. Yes, I am definitely paid, but not by the families. I am here to be of information post to you where myself or any one of the advisors that I have on my team would be able to answer your questions and start the process. We work everywhere, from scatchet county down to Thurston County. We have many people that are available for you to tap into and we’ll get the right person to you. But most importantly, what I want you to hear right now is it’s just a conversation. No decisions are being made. You’re not going to get hounded with emails or newsletters or phone calls or now. This is a conversation where we have a relationship up with you, that walks in this journey with you and your loved right and I think the thing that really is important with all this is, like you say, and I talk about this, in and helping with your parent to discuss I think one of the things that I really emphasize is it’s never good to spring something on a senior. No, like, oh, by the way, Dad, we’ve decided you’re moving into assisted living. That’s going to go about over like a lead balloon. Yea. Instead have the conversation of you know, mom and dad, I would like to set a time some day to have a discussion about what will happen when it’s time, because I want to honor who you are and what your values are, and so it those times it’s great to call you yes and have you be a facilitator and somebody that can be that information post that can help the family understand, you know, what are the options out there and how does it all fit together? That’s which exactly really really interest. That is when to call me. I just met with a family yesterday and we were all moving forward to go and look at communities of care. At seven o’clock at night I get the phone call from the gentleman who needs the care and he says, Daphne, we’re going to wait another month, and I’m like, you know what, that is so fine. He’s apologizing as it please don’t apologize. This is a journey and you’re gathering information. I’m here when you need me, in the way that you need me right. Please reach out. The best way to get ahold of me at pinacle senior placements, at eight hundred and fifty five, seven, thirty four, one, five, zero, zero. Again, that’s eight hundred and fifty five, seven, thirty four, D and fifteen hundred. That’s important. It is and obviously you’re going to help them with a lot of different options like, for example, what if dad needs home care? Yep, what if dad served in the military? You’re going to help cook them him up with maybe some you know, it’s financial, so financial support. You’re going to be able to help them kind of look at that whole overall picture. To say. The other thing is maybe they when they have at home, that will support them to stay home and they can have in home care. So there’s so many different options, but the worst thing in the world families can do is avoid having these conversations right, and that’s one of the things. I think that you’re really a great way shower and facilitator to help those conversations happen. It is absolutely what I love. A family that I had this week, ninety year old gentleman and was brought to tears with a thought of leaving his home and the daughter has daughter and sudden law are very supportive and have a great relationship, but it took a third party for him to be able to just see the reality of what was happening versus having the buffer between the familial relationship. And so reach out for support. There’s lots of support out there. Find somebody who can walk the journey with and the beauty of it is, is it? You can still be the daughter or the Sun. Yes, and you don’t have to be the drill sergeant. You don’t have to be that person that that you know your parent is going to feel that dynamic, because a lot of that is that piece. It is and you can just sit there and go along with the journey and be there for support, as I think. Loves them, yes, love them, be there, be that quality person. Yeah. So again, Daphne, how do we reach you and tell us about your website. Well, my website is a pinnacle senior Placementscom and that’s placements with an S. and my phone number is eight fifty five, seven, thirty four, one thousand five hundred and I look forward to hearing from any and all of you to just gather some information and happen in year. To you. Thank you and everything brand new year. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elder radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom