Family Member’s Home or an Adult Home? Part 4, with Daphne Davis

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements, LLC and answers for elders radio. And Welcome back everyone to answers for elders radio. And this hour has just flown by, as per normal is it always does with you, Daphne. It seems like whenever we start talking I can’t even believe that we’ve been, you know, talking for as long as we have, because there’s so much information that goes by. So I am like thrilled that we’ve had this conversation. I am, you know, it’s some things that I think all of our families, especially this time of year, are thinking about and certainly, you know, after seeing, you know, a loved one, as senior loved one, over the holidays, or maybe we don’t see them as as often. You know, obviously you’re getting phone calls, probably of a little bit different nature than before the pandemic. Would you likely say that that’s true? Absolutely, Oh, yes, very, very different, different, different. Yeah, you know, and and we’ve you brought up some so valuable points about, you know. Should we move in? But I really want to focus on, you know, the whole emotional piece that you brought up about, you know, this emotional shift of you bring mom or dad into the house and all of a sudden this emotional feeling of you know, what do we do next and how do we deal with all of the pieces of you know, I can’t care for you anymore? And I think that there’s a whole other side to this that you know. We talked about body, mind and spirit. That is so important to keep that delicate balance and we’ve talked a lot about the different aspects. But how do you address that? I guess the emotional stability, the spiritual side of wellness. So this kind of leads into an idea and and this is a positive way to end this because we’re kind of doom and gloom that last segment the reality of daily living. But there’s also something to be said that’s very valuable about having, and I’m going to use a big phrase here and intergenerational bonding, having grandparents get to know their grandkids, having, you know, teenagers see the wisdom of an eighty five year old. Then having that, that moment at the dinner table of conversation can be nice whole, valuable and important, and we don’t get a lot of opportunities to step out of our busy lives and so they’re in the whole piece. They’re that can be very heartwarming, I think, and I’m going to I’m going to make a broad statement here. Sometimes that can be idolized, that that’s how things are going to be. I can’t wait for you know me, to hear the stories that my mom’s childhood that we’ve never had time to talk about. I want to know the history of my family. You know, where did they come from? How did it work that? You know the farm got sold. Those things are important, but there’s a balance with the reality. And so here here’s the piece of the emotional spiritual side that says what are the what are the benefits of US living together? Now along that line, you’re going to have to look at if I’m working full time, as an example, and I come home because my parents are independent, they’re doing their own thing, or or let’s just say it’s one it’s mom or dad that are living with you and they’re they’re fine by themselves. Do you have the mental capacity and the patience and the compassions to put on another hat after your work at you maybe you’re an empty Nester and your kids are in college now, or they’re, you know, early s and now you’ve got somebody in your house again on a daily basis. In fact, going to increase your anxiety, your stress level, your feeling of exhaustion? Or are you in a place that says, no, I even want to give this to my mom, I want to do this. It doesn’t affect you the care giver either. Is that home, Ay, long being in your home, going to be okay for your mom, or is some some depression that I set in? is she going to feel lonely and she doesn’t have our own half to putter in anymore? She doesn’t have the cupboards to reorganize, unless you have that conversation with her, you know, it’s like, Oh mom, please know the spice cupboard. If she washed out, do it. Well, that’s different, but but there enough there to keep her going during the day. Yeah, and I think what you’re saying to is it’s also the dignity piece of your loved one, you know, especially if you say to dad, you know, if dad’s always been a very prideful, you know, accomplished individual and then all of a sudden you become that person that is helping him bathe or things like that. That can be emotionally trying on both of you in the relationship where to have someone that is trained, that is a professional, it helps that dignity piece stay intact and keeps that relationship between father and son or father and daughter very, very, you know, sustained. Wouldn’t you agree with that? Coldly, and because when you are a care for someone else, your primary relationship does take a back seat. If you’re the wife caring for a husband, you become a caregiver, not the life. Predominantly that’s the first role you have, and that happens was with children for their parents, and so you can see it. Then it’s a balancing act of figuring out how does this work for everybody and is it the best option? Now I I have every scenario happen in the families that I work with. I will say that most often, most often, I would say, within six months to a year a family member, I get a phone call that says we’re ready to move to assist a living after they’ve looked appearance into their home. And so part of that is remember that you have pinnacle senior placements to help you through this whole journey. This isn’t the one and then this, this is life, and we take that really to heart, that we want the quality life for all of you. But as that does happen a lot, I would say six to six to twelve months, that people give me a call and say, you know, for whatever reason, all the reasons we’ve talked about today, we’re ready to make a change. And at that time the biggest benefits that you have for having your loved one get professional care outside of your home is that they have other people in the same situation, their peers, usually, you know, same age group, doing the same thing. And and you will have an environment of life that doesn’t expect our senior to function like a fifty or sixty year old. Or in two thousand and twenty one they might be hanging out in one thousand nine hundred and sixty one, and then the environment that naturally embraces that. That’s one of the beauties. I think that where the adult family home comes in, because obviously to live in a home environment where you feel like you’re not in an institution per se, but then, on the other hand, to be able to have that connection, you know, with your loved one. That’s much easier on the family. I mean, I think that’s kind of a wonderful hybrid way to maintain dignity and still keep the continuity of care. Is that what you’re finding? I am, and it’s in an adult family home. The things that can happen in a nursing home in terms of care happen in an adult family home. So let’s say that, you know, somebody needs a catheter. Now, somebody’s moved into having a feeding tube there, they’re needing oxygen seven. All of those things can happen in an adult family home, but with a small, intimate community of six to eight people that live there and having the same consistency of caregivers, just like I got at your home. You know, they they had the consistency of you and whoever else is a part of the care team. But but it’s the continuity. You set it right, you know, the continuation of care that is least invasive, easiest to transition into fields lie home and, most importantly, has flexibility to meet the uniqueness of each person they’re caring for. It’s not that that, you know, breakfast has to be between eight and nine and users between five and seven. That’s not it. If you feel like eating dinner at four o’clock because you’re tired and want to go to bed after jeopardy. Great, knock yourself out. We can do that exactly an adult say yeah, one and the other, these two is immured dad or together and have you know, separate needs. There’s, you know, it’s much there’s much more flexibility at an adult family home to keep Marma Dad together. When should that agree to this? Yes, yes, that’s happening a lot and that’s where the phone calls that I get are very different. I have a lot more couples ever had, and so that is very good point to make, is that if someone needs a higher level of care and husband and wife want to be together, that can happen way easier than an assistant living, because usually what happens is the assistant living can’t meet the care needs of someone when they’re hired. One person, transfer, you know, things that are just, you know, hard. Not taking anything away from assistant living, because there’s a place for them to but adult family homes, I think, are valuable to look at as an option for your story and it might get you know, nope, that’s not the right scenario. Great, but at least explore it. Yes, yes, so we have about a minute and a half left up thee and I would just like us to summarize why people should call you. Let’s again talk about, you know, what it is you do for our families and how can they reach you? Well, first let me tell you can reach us at our website of Pinnacle Senior Placementscom, and our phone number is eight five, five, seven, three, four, one fifteen hundred, and one of the things that I take great pride in is that we really try hard to listen to your unique story and have you discover what’s going to work based on your family’s highest values, and that comes through conversation. That isn’t about a list of the symptoms, that’s not about the list of just medications. Those are part of the accasion and discovery, but it’s not only that. Your family dynamics, your mom and dad are unique, productive, dignified people that are just in a new chapter of life and we want to honor that new chapter of life and help you the family, along with your Luve one, form decisions. So calling out at eight five, five, seven, three, four fifteen hundred is a direct line to us. And then, of course, pinnacles senior PLACEMENTSCOM is a wealth of information as well well. We are thrilled to have you always on our program because you are such a wealth of information and I am just thrilled to be able to bring this information forward to our families and wishing everyone a deleted happy new year. Is We close out the month of January. Definitely thank you so much for being with us today. Oh you’re so welcome. My pleasure and I want to thank everyone of you for joining us this hour and until next week, everyone be good to each other. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom.