How and When to Intervene, part 3

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is provided by care partners living and answers for elders radio, and welcome back everyone to answers for elder’s radio network, with but the one and only Kelly Smith. Kelly Smith from care partners living. Sorry about that, everyone, just getting over a bad flue here. So I’m doing my best and I’m but you know what, my day is a lot brighter with Kelly. So, Kelly, we’ve been having an amazing conversation and there’s so much that’s coming back to me about my time that I took care of my mom and I’m so grateful for you kind of bringing up a lot of those things that I faced as an adult. Filed, and now how many of our families are doing that, especially after the pandemic? You know, we talked in their first segment and for those of you remember, we are on Google, apple, spotify, all the major podcast platform so if you want to share this with your loved ones or anything like that, of your family members, please go to answer for elders and look up Kelly and this conversation will be on our podcast platform, probably on this next week, so that’ll be really important. So, Kelly, we talked about initially, first of all, how to, you know, even address the issues and what to look for, and then we went into specifically how to Interviewe you know when it’s the time to do so. But now I think this next segment is okay, mom a dad are bucking me, they are holding me back and they are not moving and yet you know better that something has to change. How do you deal with that count? Well, first of all, you have to make sure that your decision is frough. You have to make sure that really what’s going on is in their best interests, and I move to make that decision first. It’s not a whim, it’s not a it’s not a you know, one side. Decision has been firmly made. They are not safe in their home any longer. Then you have to look at what’s the next best thing. Is At home care? Is it having home care or home health come in? And you have to know the differences. Home Care is going to come in. Its help with laundry, take them to the store, help up a little bit, help with basic stuff, home help. That’s really going to bring in caregivers and there’s going to be a nurse overseeing all of that. And that’s when they can have actual home care, but not home care. Home Health is very different. So that’s who they’ve actually got people coming in with me rehabilitated care like physical therapy, or I get pat some therapy or something like that too. Well, when you have to remember too, there’s a lot of things that have happened during the pandemic, for example. There’s a lot of people right now suffering from something that they call that. There’s a name for that. Can’t remember what it is. But people are having trouble remembering timelines right now. That doesn’t mean they have dementia. Actually, my doctor bad excep I thought I might have eaten had some dimensions. My timelines are adding up in a lot of things. They say yeah, because your entire life is changed in two years. You went from being out all the time to being cooped in the box and doing a zoom. So our timelines for a lot of people changed. So also make sure that what you’re dealing with but your love when you’ve taken them to a doctor to do have whatever your diagnosis is. But when it gets to that point you have to take a really good look at what’s going to happen next. If I don’t do something, because if you hit somebody to come into the home and that works for him, great, if that’s not working and you need to do something more long term, yeah, you have to also look at what are the consequences if I don’t do something. Yeah, I say to a family member, you know, especially a husband, and why situation? The first thing I’ll say is our if your candidate for home care, here’s here’s what I would say is the tester. Number One. If your loved one, let’s say wife is taking care of the husband and husband has, you know, mobility issues. If husband fell in the middle of the night, could you pick him up? Would you get him back into the bed? Could you do things that? If you could, and that’s something that you could, you can handle, then you’re a great candidate. I mean if stillse are examples, right, it’s not, then that’s a concern of mine about saying at home and not having home care, because if you’re laying on the floor and you can in your you know your spouse can’t help you get to your feet. That’s a talent, right, though it’s also the host your if nine and one, one’s being called regularly, right, you know, because of other issues, not just falling. We have to look at that as well, because at some point the hospital’s going to need to make a report exam. You know, you having ms at the house constantly or you know, leasing involved because you know we’re having trouble getting back home. You know, are things getting turned off in the house because you’re paying the bills? There’s a lot of things that if you’re not managing the home and I moved each other’s care, home care may not be the best fit. Right and yes, Ken Mom and Dad, you know, fighting and and stream and yell and we’re not moving, we’re not moving. It’s not going to happen. Yes, we see this all the time and assisted leaving with the kids come in that you were the building. Yes, it is perfect, mom, mom says, I’m not doing it, I’m just doing it. Even with power of attorney, you cannot make them do something. However, if adult protective services, like I said before, if they wind up getting involved and everybody loses everything, and it’s a lot of parents don’t understand this. They don’t realize you keep going to the hospital, mom. You know somebody comes in here and sees the condition of the homes. This happens, Stephen, we will lose all of our rights and the state will tell you were to move and you won’t have any rights then now you know. So then what happens? You don’t want to lose everything and have the state come in and take over your care. You wanted him to say in this and so you know, some points. Sometimes parents are not parents for the children. have to sometimes get a little bit tough at in making parents really understand what the consequences are going to be let into. It also doesn’t help the fact that this generation and also has a very deep fast on their mouth about what leaving their home looks like. It does and and the challenges is that there’s a lot of I’m you know, unfounded. Well, from years ago, yes, but there’s a lot of perceptions about living situation, that that’s it, that I’m just going to be institutionalized. And that is the case. And you know, I think one of the things we go back to, the ultimate goal is is that everyone number one values should be the highest quality of life possible according to your parents values and and I think those are the two things that, when you look at what is the best solution, is mom is trying to take care of Dad and dad is falling, or Gad has dementia or and mom can’t handle it anymore. Those are concerns. This left when it’s definitely time to intervene, and that the only option that you really have at that point. Is it, you know, to have a power of attorney activated by a doctor. Then you can begin to have, you know, some situations move forward, but if not, then you’re in a situation where, like you said, you’re going to be without addressing it, it’s going to get go from bad to worse and the state will eventually step in and use something knows that people don’t realize. Is this okay? So you’ve got two people at home, maybe, and one of them is declining to the point. How is it affecting the health of the second one? Exactly? And that’s something else you don’t children, or whoever is assisting with this needs to look at. Yes, you can take care of your loved one, maybe you can, to what detriment to you? It’s a lot of times when I’m talking to family members, it’s not the mom with dementia they’re worried about. It’s dad who doesn’t have the Menire, who’s doing everything that they’re weirde about, because it’s usually they’re the ones that, you know, wind up with more serious health concerns and wind up passing first. So that’s the thing that people are most concerned about. So you have to look at the bigger picture. Is pulling them out of their home, moving them to assist? The things that really the answer is bringing you home their home help. Is that the answer? Moving in the home with you is not always the answer, right, right, you know it’s not. That’s not always. It’s not always the answer, but for some families it is. Some some families feel like it, just move mom in with us and she’ll be okay for a while until she gets to a place where she needs more care. The guys, family decision. Yeah, and I also think this might be the time to bring in a professional. It’s here’s the dissension within the family. If there’s a, you know, situation where nobody can get on the same page, that happens. It’s sadly, does. Everybody has their own experiences and their own opinions. Like what you said earlier, bringing in a geriatric care manager or a counselor or social worker that can help. You know, from a Fastimaal, you know, basis to lay things out. I think one of the things that we forget is the family, is that we think we have all the tools to resolve conflicts. We don’t put we get our buttons pushed. We have, you know, our own issues with our siblings. We do, you know, we do a lot of things. I think the other thing that’s really great about being on the station that we’re on is the Christian community can always go to a minister. I think sometimes you’re on your you know, your spiritual leaders can help you in these kinds of situations, if you’re dealing with this type of anxiety. I know a lot of ministers that will actually come and meet with the family and have these conversations with you know, your your parents, if they are church going people, things like that. Your your mom’s really involved in her church. That somebody else you can pull in these sations with her lemary care position, if she’s close to them as well. You know, there’s, like you said, there’s lots of advocats out there that can also help you prove your puling and there’s so many good jury ads, that case managers out there, really good ones that we recommend quite a bit because, again, families can’t always negotiate this this industry. They can’t always negotiate all the different care that’s that’s available out there. But a care manager can absolutely and they can sit down with families and help them understand what all their different options are. Well do the best option and how can they get these people, you know, into the best situation that also meets their needs but also makes you happy? It doesn’t have to be a miserable thing, but let’s be honest, going home and not being able to sleep all night because you don’t know what’s happening, you know what’s the next phone call you’re going to get, you know. You know, not being able to focus on what you need to during the day at work because you’re so worried about your parents all day. You know, there’s got to be an easier way to do this. Yeah, and not not only that, but a care manager they can you could, they can help to look at what they create is what’s called a care plan, because they understand much more of the underlying conditions and Comorbidities that can result from maybe at condition and you know, they have the ability, just through their experience, to look forward to say well, this is likely to progress, so let’s make sure that we’re in a like situation that can, you know, provide the longest quality of life. And I think that’s one of the things that’s really great about what it comes really is but care managers to the other thing is people also need to understand the care manager may not also not fide. Now I may come in and meet with your mom and dad and come back and tell you your kind of overdoing it here again, they’re not good too. But to have that outside for our so, Kelly, how do we reach to? Best place to reach us is care partners living, and that’s where you can care partners livingcom. That’s where you can check out the polonial pictures, video, those all kinds of stuff and you know, see what you think of you know of us. But the job is so absolutely, absolutely and we’re so excited. We got one more segment to go in Telly SMIP and we’ll be right back right after them. The preceding podcast was provided by care partners living and answers for elders. Radio to contact care partners living, co to care partners livingcom