Making Changes to Senior Care During COVID, with Daphne Davis

*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. Welcome back to answers for elders. Here’s WHO’s an and welcome back everyone to answers for elders radio. And we are again here with Daphne Davis to pinnacle senior placements. And Daphne, I’m so glad that you’re spending the hour with us and if you’re just joining us, we’ve been talking about, you know, living on the edge right now. People are in survivor mode. They’ve kind of were in our fourth month of this covid pandemic and you know there’s added complications if mom or dad or together they need care, or if you know you have a senior loved one that maybe needing care but you’re not really sure how to do this in this whole you know, having to figure it out now. And so, Daphne, I am so glad you’re here. And we talked a little bit last segment really about, you know, what the climates like, and now we’re kind of moving into how you play a role in that and helping families make that transition. And certainly I’m interested in kind of some things that you’ve been talking about. So, Daphne, thanks and welcome back. Well, thank you. Thank you so much. I’m happy to share, you know, the stories that I have for Tan frontline. Everything that I talk about is is real and I want our listeners, if I could invite you, to just kind of Oh my gosh, I know a friend, I know my own family, I know my aunt, you know whatever. My cousins are talking about this, to think about them in terms of possibly finding some help and support. So right now people, I think they are also very afraid of if I make a change, will this be the right thing to do? Am I adding to the rispectors for my my family members and my decreasing? And there’s so many more things to think about in terms of the indigencity of what’s going on. They’re not new issues. COVID has not on new issues in terms of care, other than the obvious, you know, restrictions that we have, but in terms of when to have care, why we need to have professional care, in what environment do we have professional care? Those things have not changed. They just feel more intense because our perceptions are so heightened. WE’RE LAW WE’RE LAW PEOPLE. Right now, sure, and yeah, and so what I am finding is a big question. If I move my mom and dad from their house and I exposing them to more covid and I going to make it worse because they have a fourteen day quarantine time in the new community of care? Am I going to make it word because, you know, fill in the blank. The other side of that coin is, how is it going to be better? What are going to be the positives of this? And this is a piece where we look at the wholeness of your family unit. How is this going to affect your whole family unit? Who is going to benefit? And always, even before covid this is always been a family benefit in a family decision, because there are the carters that are involved, there are the warriors that are involved, the financial people that are involved, and so we’re still looking at that. That is probably what I have to talk about the most of families is please, don’t just focus on fourteen days of quarantine. Do not focus on the dining room is closed. Think about it. How is this going to potentially help holistically? What is this going to do to my mom and DAD’s emotional state? Are they really worried about the house itself. Are they worried about the finances of running their house and they’re, you know, whittling down there their estate and we know we’re going to need care because, you know, dad’s dise these process whose are dancing, the Parkinson’s is getting stronger. I mean, there’s a lot of things that go into this. The financial power of attorney may be thinking about this. How do I maximize my parents of state? Those are all questions that you can come to somebody like me and ask. What are my options? And that’s really what we do, is we give options. We talk about the option. So I describe to you the family dynamics, a little bit of and the fear of the effects of covid quarantines, which is real. Don’t I’m not discrediting it. It is definitely real that they’re also is the element of something different, depending upon where your parents are in any kind of disease processes, something different can get them out of their own thoughts. Something his very true, a little exciting, something different can go oh my gosh, am I going to be able to meet people? I know that they’re having distancing, you know, activities at the Community of care. Not Everybody’s getting together at once, but I actually couldn’t eat somebody else all my goodness, I’m going to have different food that I didn’t have to put together and so tired of the same grocer is being delivered to me that I have no creativity. Somebody else gets to feed me. Uh, you know that can bring joy. Yes, it’s a honeymoon period that you don’t know what may come from getting out of our own psychological loops of thought. That’s one aspect to think about that change. The other thing is a very big misnomer. Now that’s well, it’s not a MIS moment. I mean we don’t know what’s going to happen. We have no idea. We go from phase one to phase two. We think we’re going to go to phase three. We’re back to face to there’s moratorium on any changes in phases for two weeks. We don’t know, and so I would suggest to our listeners please don’t live in fear of the unknown. Live today right and make the best decision that you can make. Today. I would say from my perspective, the best decisions that you can make are with more information. Gather more information and try and get that information either from a number of different communities, a number of different types of kids giving or from somebody like me who can can share as unbiasedly as possible what this really means to to embrace a particular community or type of care. Another thing that’s happening a lot, and I’m going to kind of Seguay here, but another scenario that’s happening a lot is in terms of cognitive struggles, any type of dementia, any type of depression or an anxiety that has been present in someone’s life is getting exacerbated now so much longer without having human interaction. We are social beings and so constolately. Some of the mental health and cognitive diseases are are getting ramped up, and so we cannot ignore that need to be creative in how we can reach out to people, and I would like to humbly suggest getting professional care right. Members are not the best caregivers for these disease processes, not because you’re honest and right place. I’m sorry, what was out time I was going to say. And especially if there’s cognitive memory issues a family member, you know it can result in you know some some you know your loved one overreacting. More are not knowing how to deal with it, and then you’re in this spiral where it’s sometimes difficult to pull out, and that’s the point that you can frustrate, it can raise, you know, to a higher elevation as what I was trying to really not very well, though you brought me to the point. That’s very good to make, and because that is what happens, is that because of our desire to help loved ones in the way that we’ve known how to do, and this I’m going to talk about in terms of couples. It happens a lot with elderly couples from the expects the other person to continue to be logical, because some days they are logical, some days they do make sight, some days they do know cause an effect, and then other days, you know, you’re almost like, who are they doing? Just trying to push my button to make me angry? They know that I want to do base. It happens regular stuff, and so that a family caregiver is not the best caregiver for cognitive memory issues, because you’re invested your heart, your five thousand and sixty, seventy years of marriage, whatever it is. You know this person inside and out and they know you. And now, when they have to be in survival mode, they’re going to they’re going to go to side or flight all the time and you’re going to scratch your head and go what is happening? Why? Why is George doing this? Today, yesterday? It’s going to us, I’m just fine, all right, just we got it. How we’re going out for a walk, get yourself in Jos on today. It’s not going to work. And so I want to have a levity in this, but I want our listeners to know to your normal, this pattern is very normal. This is the time to reach out for help. This is the time to say maybe I can’t do this anymore in the kind of covid yes, that’s going to mean that you’re going to be separated, not for always. Yes, it’s going to be a change, but your health as the caregiver is as important and valuable as the person you’re caring for. Correct back to the first subject. You know, the first segment that we were in. Take some time to really evaluate where where you are at as the caregiver, as the family, as the one having to make decisions. Do you need some support? And if you come up with yes, good and normal, and please reach for that support, right, right, and you know, gaping. You bring out such an important point of you know, I I’m sitting here kind of digesting what you’re saying. And you know, yes, if somebody moves into a community of care, they likely will have to undergo some sort of quarantine program right. But here’s the other side of it. They’re quarantining anyway in their home, right. Yeah, so is much as much as you’re and they’re not getting the type of care that they would get, the quality of care that they would get if they were at home, you know, in in and you can unity where their professionals that they’re to take care of them. And you know, so there are, like you said, there’s new things. They don’t have to cook, they don’t have to do the things that cause are causing them more stress right now, and so that’s a positive so again, that quarantine, it might sound scary, but in the reality they’re actually getting, you know, they’re still getting contact with the care providers, they’re getting contact with all different types of ways in which they can you know, there’s a TV set just like what they get at home. So it isn’t like they’re just isolated from the world. either. That’s exactly why. Let me, and I’m going to limit this, let’s just think about the world of dementia and all the different kinds of dementia there are, and that is probably one of the scarier places for people to think about moving someone. And in my humble opinion, what I see is, yes, there’s a transition period, whether we have covid or not, there’s always in transition period and I have, over twenty years, seen everyone get through that transition period, and the stories different, but they do get through it. And the gift you’re giving is not being in fight or flight. If it different. Yes, does your heart miss them? Yes. Did you constantly question your decisions? Yes, those are all normal things. But when I at the beginning of this segment, I think I said something about these are the negatives that could happen in the what if. But what are the postives that could happen? What if that WHO has cognitive deficits? What if they actually started doing one of their hobbies again because they weren’t spending all their energy and protecting themselves in the fighter flight mode? What abonnest that they started eating again, all my goodness, and they got good sleep at night because somebody figured out the right medications, medications right, you know, and now they get good rem sleep so their days are more productive, they’re engaged in a conversation with somebody again. It’s it’s amazing the changes that can happen, but it does take courage and I would say it to everyone. Don’t do it by yourself. Reach out to someone to help you gather information right. So definitely everyone will be right back right after this. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom.