In this three-part show, Daphne Davis at Pinnacle Senior Placements provides some tools and tips of the trade for family caregivers. One thing that’s key is for the caregiver to reach out to others whenever they’re feeling weary. And for other family remembers, remember that you’re not walking in the shoes of the caregiver.
View Episode Transcript
*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.
The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio, and welcome to everyone. Back to answers for elders radio and after a wonderful segment with Dr Greeley, we are now switching a little bit of gears because traditionally an answer for elders, we have always taken a month of March to support family caregivers, and it’s kind of the reason why I select the month of March is my own personal story, because my mom’s birthday was in March and it’s kind of a reflection for me emotionally to think about what a privilege it was for me to care for her at the end of her life. And certainly I’m here with one of our very, very favorite people in the world, Daphne Davis from Pinnacle senior placements. And Daphne, welcome back. We love having you every month. Thank you so much. I love being here and you know you are kind of a quase caregiver for your mother as well right now, and and you know, when I was looking at all your amazing content that you have on now, not only answer for elders, but you’re up now on itunes and spotify and all kinds of amazing platforms that were there. One of the things I think that’s really key about you know, I want to you know, you talk about supporting caregivers, but we haven’t really done a lot of content that just specifically gives caregivers tools and tips to the trade, and so I really wanted to take this time to kind of like, you know, families are doing the best they can. They I’d probably been more so during the times of covid because, you know, people, you know seniors, have been staying at home more and certainly relying on their children to do more for them, and so I would love to get your take this month on how we can support family caregivers and, you know, what are some tips to the trade. I think that’s really I learned the hard way in many cases. I always say that I was the poster child for everything that could go on did go wrong when I was carrying from my mom because I didn’t know what I didn’t know, and she just said, as you know, you don’t know what you don’t know, and as a caregiver you can become very overwhelmed and and feel the weight of the world, particularly, and I’m going to speak probably mostly to family caregivers versus professional caregivers. Family caregivers had a lot of this meeting is being recorded, and is the dynamic of other family members, perhaps even the dynamic of other friends, of your of your loved ones, and everyone having an opinion. And and so if there’s you know in the next forty five minutes or so that you are listening to us. If there’s one thing I’d really like you to remember is to make sure that you reach out to others when you’re feeling weary, very extrom just reach out to anyone. And then the other thing is that you are not the cause anything that’s happening. You are there doing the best job that you can with the information that you have. As you learn more information, you’ll do better, and so give yourself lots and lots of grace. We and and what you’re saying is so profound, I think, because I’ve often said, you know, that the family caregiver is usually the son, assumed person that just just going to pick up the torch and do it, do the work, and usually it’s somebody that’s kind of a sacrificial lamp, you know, and it’s somebody that will, you know, just basically, you know, not be the one that’s the you know, the more selfish or more driving individual in their family. Right when you go a lot of we put a lot of definitions tied through decisions that are being made and we can labels to them. I could tell you story of the story as the story of finally, dynamics and how people become the caregiver. You know, sometimes it’s the oldest, you know, it just falls to their shoulder because they are the oldest, or it gets tied to the person who happens to be the power of attorney for medical, financial or both. But the the person who becomes the caregiver is the one who needs the whole family support and needs the brother and sister. Let’s just assume that your parents are caring for but your aunts and uncle’s you need the support of them, because everybody does have an opinion and, as the people supporting the caregiver, remember, you’re not walking in their shoes. Probably more often than not, what I hear from family caregivers is that my siblings just don’t understand. They don’t understand, and I hope that everybody can hear and truly, until you walk in someone’s shoes, you don’t know what’s going on. And part of that comes because the caregiver sees the down the dirty. They’re aw the ugly, the happy moments, but they see all the moments. Yeah, they hear all the frustration. And usually the caregiver, the family caregiver, who becomes that person, is the one who can be very often perhaps seen as the most empathetic, that’s the most flexible, the most giving, serving unselfish person. Now just think about all of those characteristics of a person giving, unselfish, you know, flexible. And really what that means is sometimes, I caregivers person gets lost. They think what other people’s needs in front of their own. And yes, you know, I think you know you’re I’m relating back to so much of what you’re saying because when I was in my character giving journey, I will I was totally unsupported by my family, except I did have a cousin that would come up about twice a year to go spend the weekend with my mother. Other than that, I was on my own. I had nobody else. They were all more interested in their social life and there, you know, and there other things than they would do things and my mother, who was very, very close to that family, her grandchildren and all those people, of a sudden they stopped coming around and my mother would cry to me. She’d cry, what did I do wrong? Why, you know, why can’t I see my grandchildren anymore? Because the thing was it’s that I get to a certain degree that families don’t know how to connect once maybe a grandparent or something like that has to men to or something like that. But because you’re in the middle of it as a caregiver, it’s hard not to feel eventful towards those family members that won’t step up, because you see the pain that’s in your loved ones eyes and the sadness and you know you want so much to bring them joy. I know for me it was about what could I do to bring joy to my mom. I always thought about that, you know, and we would do things like I would plan things at my house and I would go get her and pick her up and bring it there and the family would show up late or it didn’t contribute, didn’t tell, didn’t help clean up, didn’t do anything. They showed up for, you know, for a meal, and then leaves right and I just remember sometimes daphne feeling so angry and resentful. And you know, and I know that I’m not alone that. I mean, would you say that that’s that’s pretty common? Yeah, it is. I mean we’re talking a little bit about the characteristics of that caregiver and what you’ve described is the very things that a caregiver does is give and give and give and give and give, and the personality of the caregiver can only give so so long without needing to have their batteries recharged from an outside source. And so, you know, go back to what I said, please always know to reach out, bitch out to people, your best friend, a pastor your attorney, Somebody from Pinnacle, if you’re working with an agency, a doctor and nurse Helpline, all timers association, somebody, something on the Internet. I mean there’s a wealth of places for you to to get some support. It’s just reaching out and know on what ever you say is valid. And it’s interesting because my support was a wonderful friend of mine and she kept saying to me, Sam, what can I do to help? And I’d say, you know what, there’s nothing physically. But I here’s what I would like. I would like you to bring laughter into my life, whatever that means. If it means that I can call you up when my mother’s pushed my buttons and I’m walking around the block to kind of have some defense, right, I would get on the phone and I would tell this story and we would start laughing and it would totally change my state, change my attitude and I could come back and deal with her. But I had that anchor point, I had that friend that I could count on that you’ll never guess what she did today and she wouldn’t have judgment with me, she wouldn’t have so to be able to have that kind of a friendship. Just to do that, I would say with the friend asks you, what can they do to help an it’s a great thing to do to have somebody be supported that. Yeah, that’s a great suggestion. And to be real clear about you know what your expectations are of that friend. You said that so nicely. I just need to vent. I need to tell you the jo I need to bring me laughter. I need fun and and it’s like you know. And it’s funny because you give somebody that, if they truly love you as a friend, they would see like events like, you know, Dan would really like that. I’m going to treat her and we’re going to go see this crazy movie. And I it was like I would have never even thought. I remember the movie. It’s complicated. That was way out back then. Of course. That was doing my caregiving years right, and I would, I would. It was Meryl Street and Straight and Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin Right, and I remember that feeling of you know, she called me up and said we’re going to a movie. I got a great movie. I’m going to take you to this and I’m going like okay, yes, how do I fit that in? Because your wheel all went and the whole thing though. There you go. It was perfect. So those of the kind of things. If you, you know to our listeners, if you have a friend who is a caregiver, that’s something you could do for them right now is bring laster to their life, because I really doubt that caregivers themselves get a lot of laughter. Yeah, it’s a stressful job. It is thinking outside of your own world as a supports, as a supportive person to a caregiver. You know, try to step out of your routine and just imagine what it’s like to caring for someone who who’s trying to keep their dignity, in grace and purpose in their life but at the same time have limitations. I mean the dynamics are incredible that their givers have to deal with and you know, in our next segment, Daphne, I would love to you for you to go a little bit more into two tips, but in the meantime it’s your caregiver. You can also call Daffy and dad. US totally here for you and HALP me. How do we reach you? Will you reach me? It at our Website First, which is pinnacle senior placements, with an Scom, Pinnacle Senior Placementscom, and you can get a wealth of information there. And the other thing is to call me. Call me. You’ll usually get me first at eight hundred fifty five, seven, three, four fifteen hundreds, and there’s five other people that can help you besides myself, but we’re here for you. We’re very excited and everyone. Daddy will be right back right after this. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom
Listen to More Answers for Elders with Suzanne Newman
Keep an eye out for future Answers for Elders podcasts on the Senior Resource Podcast Network! Thanks for listening, and be sure to keep scrolling for more articles by Suzanne. For more AFE podcasts, visit AnswersforElders.com and subscribe on your favorite platform!
Founder and CEO of Answers for Elders, Inc., Suzanne Newman proclaims often, “Caring for my mom was the hardest thing I ever have done, but it was also my greatest privilege.” Following a career of over 25 years in sales, media, and marketing management, Suzanne Newman found herself on a 6-year journey caring for her mother. Her trials and tribulations as a family caregiver inspired an impassioned life mission outside of the corporate world to revolutionize the journey that so many other American families also find themselves on. In 2009, she became the founder and CEO of Answers for Elders, Inc., subsequently hosting hundreds of radio segments and podcasts, as well as authoring her first book. Suzanne and Answers for Elders, Inc. have spent 14 years, and counting, committed to helping families and seniors along their caregiving journeys by providing education, resources, and support. Each week on the Answers for Elders podcast, Suzanne is joined by vetted professional experts in over 65 categories including Health & Wellness, Life Changes, Living Options, Money, Law, and more. Suzanne lives in Edmonds, Washington with her husband, Keith, and their two doodle dogs, Whidbey and Skagit.