Wise Caregiving: Caregiver Assistance with Jonathan Prescott
Jonathan Prescott, founder of Wise Caregiving, spoke at Discovery 2019, the 34th Annual Alzheimer’s Regional Conference. There are more than 300,000 unpaid family caregivers in Washington. Without peer support or knowledge, they carry the weight of caregiving on their shoulders. He has faith in their ability to do it, they just need help to connect with their inner wisdom. Contemplative traditions: using awareness as a way of interacting in the world.
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*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.
The following is a podcast from a qualified senior care provider part on the answers for elders radio show. Welcome back, everyone, to answers for elders radio and we are here at the Discovery Conference of the Alzheimer’s Association and we’ve had the privilege of meeting so many incredible providers and people that are full of wisdom as they’re helping families navigate, you know, the journey of unfortunately, with als Alzheimer’s, which can be a real challenge for people. And I have a wonderful gentleman here with me by the name of Jonathan Prescott and he’s the founder of Wise caregiving. Jonathan, welcome to the show today. Thank you, is an. I’m so glad you’re here because you were here to help the caregivers and there’s so many family caregis givers out there and you know, I think from the Alzheimer’s Association, just Alzheimer’s alone, in this state alone, I believe there’s like a hundred and fifty thousand people that are afflicted with Alzheimer’s, but they are being cared for by over three hundred thousand unpaid family caregivers and Boyo boy, is that a hard job, and you know it’s a hard job, but it’s also an amazing privilege to do so and you’re here to talk a little bit about that and I think that’s really important for our listeners to learn a little bit about what you have to say. So thanks for being here. Yeah, thank you. So tell me a little bit about why is caregiving and what you do. So I came through this little bit differently than the family caregivers, and that I did this professionally, and so I had all these great teachers that helped me hold the challenge of being a caregiver. And in my in my world, I’ve been a chaplain in hospital, cancer care and a hospice. So I had some training, I had peers around me to help me to let learn, and my heart is really open to family caregivers because, you know, there’s there’s a moment when you become a caregiver and our system expects you to know what to do, but you haven’t received a training, you haven’t got the pure support that you need and yet you carry this seven and on top of that, what you’re saying is so true. I when I was taking care of my mom, I have distinct memories of when I was in the thick of it and I felt the weight on my shoulders, like literally felt the weight, like I had to do it all and I felt so lost and I remember so many nights that I would lay awake at night just completely now, not knowing what to do, feeling so alone in the process and and really feeling like I didn’t you know, all her life was on my shoulders, you know, the decisions that I was making, and I didn’t feel equipped to make them, and I know that feeling. I know how that so many families that are dealing with that and you know, my mom had to Menia. She didn’t have alzheimers, but she had to Menia, and I know but I know that process and not feeling so thank you for, you know, being, you know, stepping up to help people like how I used to be, because it is so needed here well, and I have a real faith in people’s internal goodness, their internal ability to do this work and they don’t need to go to college to figure out how to do it. They just need a little bit of help to connect with their own inner wisdom, and that’s what I trying to bring to them and particularly the wisdom that comes from contemplative traditions. Now explain to me what the contemplative traditions are. Yeah, so a contemplative is one who who uses awareness MMM of as a basis of their way of interacting with the world. They know what’s happening in their own bodies and their own minds and they also use that to know what’s happening in the bodies and the minds of the people that they’re caring for. So we all have this ability built into us, but the contemplative traditions have mind this for millennium and it’s a bit forgotten in our culture. So, for instance, the the quality of presence of simply being here with another person. This is something that we can develop and it can be an even more effective treatment than medical care. To be to be seen and to see someone fully is is is vital and these are the sorts of things that contemplatives have been doing all through our history. It’s usually been in some religious tradition or other, but it’s in all the religious traditions. So I’m a Buddhist, but I don’t come as a Buddhist to do this work. I touch in my deep practice of Buddhism, but it’s if you practice Catholicism or Orthodox Judaism or any other you touch that same power that you can bring. So it’s not about being this or that. Well, and it’s so true what you say. It’s like I you know, I think we as adult children often times have our own tapes running about our parents, about who they are, what we think they are, which there you know, when they become more vulnerable, sometimes the tapes don’t stop. You know, it’s getting yourself re wired, I guess, in a way to realize that they’re not necessarily who you thought you were. You know, I think used to think my dad was infallible. You know, dad was never going to fail, you know, he’s always going to be around. There was this are element of denial. So when I started to see him to fail, you know, I was hanging on to the fact that, Oh, dad’s fine, you know, dad’s going to be okay. And you do. You don’t necessarily get in touch with things. So when something, when a crisis, happens, you’re not prepared. You don’t have that ability. So what do you do as a caregiver? is you go into kind of this you know, mode, this fight mode, which necessarily doesn’t isn’t the best way, specially to take care of yourself in the process. Yeah, well, those those views through which you see the world, those tapes, as you call them. You know, it’s one thing to recognize them at another person, and that’s really important, but even more important is to recognize them inside yourself, because when you can see that you are viewing your loved one through the tape that you have, you recognize your not actually viewing your loved one, you’re viewing your tape of them. So a contemplative practice invites you to lay down that tape and to see things as they are, and when you can do that, you can actually then have a more appropriate response then you would have if you’re just responding from your preconceived idea. That’s important. So how do you, how does somebody’s do that? I mean that’s a big question. How do you get separate in your mind that that’s your tape and be present? What are some skills that you can say? Well, we first have to figure out how do we slow down enough so that we’re available to see things as they are? We have so much momentum built up in our daily lives and and being a contemplative caregiver is to give yourself the space to be calm enough that you can actually see. So a lot of what I teach people is ways to calm themselves down, ways to slow down what it is that they’re they’re projecting out there in the world right, and then to trust that what arises from them as a response is sufficient, that they are enough without a lot of extra training. Their their inherent loving nature is enough of a response very often to meet the situation. Oh well, that’s amazing. And we are talking again to Jonathan Prescott and you are the founder of Wise caregiving and you work with families to help them facilitate that. Is that correct? That’s correct. Yeah, that’s awesome. And then you obviously and and helping that, you know, families come to that place. It’s so interesting that you share. I have I in my book. I talk about the fact that the first time I saw my mom laying on in the emergency room and I had had this built up that, oh, she was just fine, I’ll be back tomorrow and yeah, she’s and I remember that day looking at her and seeing this fragile little lady. That and all that stuff just went away and it’s kind of interesting, but I felt it leave my my soul. Wow, you know, it was a powerful position and all of a sudden I realize I was responsible for her and it was almost like I felt like she was this precious thing that I needed to take care of. That’s that’s so great because, you know, one of the benefits of opening up this space for yourself is that the preciousness of life comes forward, and it’s one of the reasons why you asked about what we can do to prepare ourselves to be this. It’s to face our own mortality, because if we can face our own mortality and really know that this, this life, is short and precious, then when we face it in the ones we love, we’re not surprised by it. We know that this is the way it is. And I’ve always said to people caregiving is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but it was my greatest privilege. Yes, and I look at those days, the lasting I’m getting emotional, but I look at those final days with my mom, I had her, you know. Yes, I was alone in it all and it was hard and my family, my pretty much just left me alone. To deal with it, but I got the gift of the end of her life, you know, and that was the thing that I’m so I will be forever grateful for. And it’s, you know, people like you that can help caregivers out there too, to touch that part of themselves. I think is so valuable. Yeah, and I try and help people do just what you’re talking about. I help them see how they are also receiving while they’re giving, you know, and because that makes it sustainable. And you were receiving in your actors are caregive, you are receiving, and sometimes I felt like in my work with hospice and cancer patients, I’ve gotten much more than I’ve given. Well, and it’s interesting too, because when you feel that way, you’re you know, you’re saying thank you. You know your soul is saying thank you. All of a sudden the dynamic between you changes. It’s like no more is the person that you’re caring for, that person that you know is demanding of you. It’s like wow, you know, I I am honored to see mom. My heart is opening constantly in this process. Yeah, what a gift. Well, Jonathan, that’s wonderful. So how do we reach you. Well, you can reach me through my website, which is wise caregiving dot org. You can reach me by email at Info at wise caregiving dot org. Those are the best ways and I welcome people to contact me. I work with people by video conference if they’re distant, good or also in my office in antichornus. That’s awesome and really you can help people. You know, we have about a minute left, Jonathan, and I want to I want to really talk about if your family is, whether in crisis or if you were just on your own or just trying to figure it out, there’s really no wrong time to call you. It sounds like no, I mean it may not be able to. I would meet the crisis need with you, but I can help you figure out a way to be sustainable in this. Yeah. Well, and that’s the thing. It’s that palliative care for yourself right and just making sure that your that your mindset is, is on track. So I’m so glad to have you on the show today and and thank you for everything that you do. Thankus is a for inviting me. Answers for elders radio show with Suzann Newman. Hopes you found this podcast useful in your journey of navigating senior care. 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Originally published March 09, 2019