Senior Resources » 10 Tips on Dealing with Holiday Crowds

10 Tips on Dealing with Holiday Crowds

Holiday shopping at high-end mall.

It’s my day off, and this working Boomer needs to do some shopping. During the holiday season, most places are crowded. Even the sidewalks are jampacked! There’s nothing I hate more than getting an elbow in the ribcage. Needless to say, this Boomer and crowds are not an ideal mix! Since I know I’m not the only person who’s not exactly adept at dealing with crowds, here are 10 tips on how to deal with holiday crowds.


1. Wear a cheap perfume or aftershave lotion. 

Remember that perfume your grandmother used to wear? That strong aroma that permeated every inch of her home? Get something similar to that. Fellas, douse yourself in aftershave lotion. Even better, refrain from bathing until you return home. People might just keep their distance.

2. Borrow your neighbor’s Pit Bull.  

Take him (or her) with you.  Of course, you may want to check your city ordinance regarding pit bull rules.  Some places do not allow pit bulls. Sure, you’d probably avoid a crowd in jail, but I doubt going to the pokey is high on your holiday wish list.


3. Find a scary mask from Halloween.  

Are you the type of person who loves dressing up on Halloween? Well, good news: you can dress up during the Christmas season, as well!

4. Yell, “Fire!” at the top of your lungs while shopping. 

Again, be careful. This might be very dangerous.  You don’t want anyone to be injured in a stampede toward the exit.  Actually, you know what? Forget that idea.  Let’s move on to the next tip.

A holiday display.

5. Carry your battery-operated radio. 

Turn it on as loud as it’ll go and tune it into some nice, foot-stomping music. Dance your way down the aisles.  People may gawk at you from a distance but probably won’t get too close.

6. Get in one of those motorized carts the stores have on hand. 

Turn it on high speed and plow your way down each aisle.  It might help to slap your side and holler, “Yee-haw!” You might want to brace yourselves for incredulous stares, but crowds certainly won’t be an issue!


7. Carry a big tin cup. 

And write these words on it: ”I’m fabulously wealthy, but I only want to spend YOUR money. Please donate to my cause.

8. Put a sign on your back.

And then write the following: “My doctor diagnosed me with leprosy yesterday.  Keep your distance.”

9. Wear boxing gloves. 

And don’t forget to look tough!

10. Carry a fake snake in your handbag or pocket. 

Make sure the snake head is visible to others! And if anybody sees it, try out your best serpentine hiss. Now’s your chance to see how good of a ventriloquist you really are!

Holiday presents, all wrapped up.

Now that we’ve had a little fun, let’s get serious. Here are my actual, serious tips on dealing with holiday crowds. Ready? Here goes…


Be courteous. Try to smile. Use common sense. Pace yourself.  Try not to let stress get the better of you.  Go to the bathroom before leaving your house.  Do not text while driving. And, above all, show respect!

I hope my humor helped you loosen up a bit. If not, there’s no shame in staying home until places are less crowded. Some stores are even open after midnight. Since I work the night shift, I can attest to the fact that streets are much clearer of traffic at that time.  Don’t worry!  I’m sure your boss will understand your sleepy eyes and frequent yawning at work the next morning.  After all, they have to deal with holiday crowds, too.

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Originally published December 11, 2023


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