11 Reasons Why Your Grandchildren Ignore You (And How to Fix Your Relationship)
Grandparenting today can be a daunting experience. Children are very different now compared to when you were raising your own kids. They have social lives, distractions, and even addictions to things like social media and tablets. Sometimes they might completely ignore you, leaving you puzzled as to why.
There are numerous reasons your grandchildren may seem distant. If you’re unsure about what’s causing this, this list of reasons may help you uncover the situation and guide you on how to mend and rebuild your relationship.
1. Parental Influence
Sometimes parents can do or say things that make your grandchildren feel you aren’t likable or worth respecting. Do you find your kids complaining about their childhood growing up? Do they talk about the shortcomings you have as a parent? If so, your grandkids will pick up on this and may have a skewed view of you.
If you find this happening, choose a time to sit down and have a discussion with your kids when your grandchildren are not around. This way, you can clear up the issue and remind them not to talk poorly of you in front of your grandchildren.
2. Not Relating to You
This obviously starts with the age gap between you but other things factor in as well. Your rules and style of discipline may vary from what they are accustomed to at home. Younger kids may feel disappointed that you cannot play with them as they would like, such as getting on the floor to play blocks or playing tag in the backyard. To combat this issue, find things you have in common, even small things, and start building from there.
3. They Aren’t Around You Much
Just like with adults, it’s hard to feel close to someone you aren’t around very much. This can be because of living far away from each other or having busy schedules or health issues.
To combat this, if you live close, try visiting more often. If not, call or text weekly to see how they are doing and keep up with their lives. Facetime would be even better, so communication is clear and doesn’t get misconstrued.
4. Sensing You Don’t Like Them
Kids say and do the darndest things and sometimes it’s hard to accept. If kids overhear you talking negatively about their behavior, their interests, or even the people they hang out with, they will feel you don’t like the person who they are.
To combat this, be mindful of what you say and how you say things. Talking poorly about them affects their opinion of themselves and of you.
5. There Are Underlying Issues
Sometimes there are other issues that are affecting your grandchildren like a recent divorce, being bullied at school, or problems with their friends. There may even be behavioral issues that need to be addressed by a professional.
The best thing you can do is to be there for them and offer advice only when they ask for it. Otherwise, be there with a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.
6. They Are Kids
Kids are kids. Although this isn’t a great excuse, sometimes they have a lot going on in their lives. Especially teenagers with school, jobs, and having a social life. However, this doesn’t mean they don’t love you or care about you. When you see them, make the most of it. Ask them about their lives and pay attention to what they tell you. It will show them you love them.
7. They’re Scared
This doesn’t mean they fear you. Instead, they fear the environment. False teeth, strange scents, and lots of medication bottles can be unnerving and uncomfortable for a young child. Of course, you can’t change this, but think about ways to make your home more inviting to your grandkids.
8. Too Many Rules
Rules are necessary for kids because they teach them boundaries so they can grow up to be respectful, responsible adults. Still, there is such a thing as too many rules.
They most definitely shouldn’t get away with everything, but consider relaxing things a little. Talk to your children about the rules they enforce and then add two or three rules of your own that will make you feel comfortable. Try to find a balance between what you expect and allowing them to be kids.
9. Guilt-Tripping
Do you spend most of your time together with your grandchildren talking about why they don’t visit or call? This will backfire because you will drive them away from you even more. Instead of focusing on the time you don’t spend with them, be sure to be positive during the time you are with them. Be gracious when they call or visit and thank them when they send cards or gifts.
10. Spending Time with You is Stressful
Think about the quality of time you have with your grandchildren. Do you have fun talking with them about their lives or interests, or do you gripe and complain about your life, your finances, and your health issues? Do you visibly show signs of stress?
Another thing to consider, especially if your children are divorced and one parent is yours, is how you communicate with them regarding their relationship with that parent. Another thing to consider, especially if your children are divorced and one parent is yours, is how you communicate with them about their relationship with that parent.
For example, I’ve never had a good relationship with my dad and when my parents got divorced, his parents harassed me constantly about not communicating with him and not wanting to go visit. This is hard on kids, especially when it’s coming from the parents of the “bad parent.” I will tell you from experience, it won’t change a thing. When the damage is done, it’s done. You need to keep it to yourself and let things play out as they may.
It’s natural to complain now and then, especially when you are older. However, doing this constantly can cause your grandkids to worry about you, which causes them stress and not wanting to be around you. Instead, focus on them and all the positive and fun things going on in their lives.
11. Your Relationship Doesn’t Go Both Ways
Relationships are a two-way street. Each party must make time for the other. When your children and grandkids have to reach out to you all the time to start contact or schedule a visit, it doesn’t say much about your relationship.
To combat this, schedule times to talk or visit and meet in the middle if you live far from each other.
Tips for Fixing Your Relationship
Be Approachable
It can be hard, but try to be the grandparent they can reach out to through calls or text messages. Reach out to them now and then to say hello, a brief message, or a fun gif but don’t push it. Let them know you are there for them, but show them respect if they don’t respond right away.
Give Them Space
Remember that they aren’t little kids anymore and that they are growing up and need their space. They want to spend time with their friends and do things on their own. Your grandkids are at the age where they need to make their own choices and explore. Recognize their need for alone time and don’t crowd them. If they are having issues or going through a rough time, let them know you care and are there for them. Be a beacon of support and guidance, but don’t judge.
Stay Positive and Ignore Criticism
Do not criticize or lecture, this will only drive them further away. Keep things positive and supportive. Chances are, they will make decisions you don’t agree with, so respect their decisions and don’t compare them to other people. Respecting them and their choices builds trust. Most of all, keep things upbeat. Encourage them in their talents, be happy about their achievements, and keep things positive, which can help draw them closer to you and boost their self-esteem.
Grandparenting can be challenging, especially since children today are quite different from when you were young. If you’re not satisfied with your relationship with your grandchildren, there is still hope. Take some time to understand why your grandchildren might be ignoring you and take steps to rebuild that relationship today. You’ll be glad you did.
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Originally published October 07, 2024
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