Daphne Davis at Pinnacle Senior Placements explores the question of whether we should move mom or dad into our home, a very common question recently. This segment addresses some of the physical concerns needed to address while caring for someone in your home. Issues such as logistics, transportation, accommodating loved ones with dementia, and there are many aspects of a care plan to look at.
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*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.
The following podcast is provided by pinnacles. Senior placements ll see and answers for elders radio, and welcome back to everyone. To answers for elders radio is we are exploring to we move mom or dad into our home. That is probably a very common question. I know that I get. But we have our resonant expert on senior transitions for sure, the Wonderful Daphne Davis, in a brand new year and a brand new topic for us to talk about. So, Daffy, welcome back to this hour and we’re going to explore this conversation a little bit more. So, Daphne, tell us a little bit about what happens when someone calls you and starts asking those questions. That is a common thing. I just had a phone call yesterday. In fact it was from a radio listener and she calls them. She says, Oh, Daphy, I’m so glad I got you. Your who I listen to, and this is my insulation. And she’s caring for her eighty five year old husband who has advanced dementia, and she is in the throes of the reality of life. They think about a daily routine of life and she is trying to maintain that. And so she said, how do I do this? One of my daughter’s is thinking about having us move in with her. We’re thinking about in home care. I don’t know a lot about adult family home, but my doctor is suggesting that. And so we went through the whole process of listening to her story and it was probably a forty five minutes that I spent with her and she it wasn’t a situation where I got all the information right away. So don’t feel like you have to have, you know, boom boom boom the answers to everything. Really what it was with a discovery through conversation and storytelling. And so by the end of forty five minutes, this woman and I came to the conclusion together that it was prudent to get some inhome care right away to give her relief and then to really get serious about exploring the options of an adult family home. And that came through the process of this conversation that we’re having today. We talked a lot about her moving in with her daughter and yeah, I have the good fortune of being able to be a neutral person and so I can have the honest conversations where nobody feels with anybody’s going to get the feelings hurt. And through that conversation the biggest concern that the mom of her daughter had was that my daughter doesn’t understand dementia because when she comes to visit, my husband can pull it together, but she doesn’t know what it’s like. Going to in the morning. It is and those are the things that are hard to say because the daughter says, but mom is I’m sure I can help you. Guys. Just you know with that the room and here and and she’s in the life is like. You don’t know what it’s like when he doesn’t know where he is. A basic human function of going to the bathroom is a major event. And so you had the reality but didn’t know how to communicate it to her daughter. And so now this process is continuing with another conversation this afternoon, and so I’m going to be talking with them and and having conversation about the reality of carrying for someone in your home. And the mom she’s she’s like, Oh, my daughter will get it. I just can’t say what you’re saying. And so that’s where pinnacle comes in. This is what I do, this is what our advisers to and we know how to say things so people can hear them. It’s a language that we’re used to, whereas you, the people who are living in the sick of the situation, this isn’t your second nature language. You don’t know the words what’s in Atl you know, activities are daily learning how to explain to them about transfers. My daughter has never done a transfer. My husband has no strengthen his legs. She doesn’t know that you even sitting in the wheelchair right as another reality, and so many the thing really think about, right, and it’s even the logistics of number one. There there are no cookie cutter senior situation. So we have to look at every single scenario through a unique Lens, because everyone has different needs, different physical requirements. You know, there’s so many different aspects of a care plan and and it seems in my head that we start there. Wouldn’t you say that that would be true? Yes, and that that would happen through the process. And this is where having in home care come into your home is really good, even if it’s for a short term, but those nics and care providers can really help hone a good care plan for you. Seriat care managers can do that as well. I mean that’s another good ways to have somebody. I can do that at a surface level, but those are are two disciplines, geriatric care managers and in home care specialists, that they know exactly the things to think about that I may forget about. And then all, when you have in home care, you have a caregiver physically doing the care and they know if, you know, the husband can really bear weight or if you can’t, you know was it a anique of the life that he wasn’t able to bear weight or is he truly a two person transfer? So there’s a live and and having other people help you get that care plan together. It’s right down to thinking about you know, my dad needs help at two in the morning. That’s his body with them to go to the bathroom and I’m willing to get up every night at two in the morning and I’m willing to say that. For the long term. Am I going to get resentful of that? Am I going to be exhausted? Do I go back to easily? I mean, yeah, so many things to think about. The other thing, not only physical hands on care, but what is the your plant? What does your house look like. You know, you have to pick up throw rugs. Are Your always wide enough? Do you have a thirty inch door or thirty six inch store that goes into the bathroom? Do you need to do changes with the Bathtub? You need to, you know, take the bathtub boat and have a roll in shower? I mean, there’s let’s think about because we don’t want accidents to happen. We don’t want anybody hurting their back. You don’t want, you know, things to go sideways in the effort of doing what we think is right. Bo, there’s some things to really think about. Just getting into the house and you have that’s in your house. Yeah, yeah, and obviously when you’re looking at the you know, the whole physical environment. You know, one of the things that I know is is like seventy, I think it’s over seventy eight percent of broken hips and seniors that fall happened to being in a home environment and it in most cases is where the environment is not supporting the well being of a senior. So it may be that, you know, grab wate bars were not put up in the you know, in the bathroom. It may be the fact that they got up in the middle of the night and, you know, tripped on a throw rug something like that. So all of those aspects need to be considered and I know that you know these seems like such small things, but they are so, you know, important to discuss and at the entire family. Like you talked about the legos. Everybody needs to change is a senior loved one is moving in, because you know that whole piece around it just the just the logistics of a home. I mean, how do you even get in and out of the house if there’s a if a step and all of a sudden Mrm or dad need to be in a wheelchair or they can’t do, you know, navigate stairs anymore. Those things are all factors that you help families. Considers that correct. That’s exactly right. We talked about those things and sometimes it is truly the best option. I have another family that I’m working with and you know, mom and daughter made a promise to dad that he would never leave the house, and that’s a hard promise to make for any family because you don’t know what comes in the future and we don’t have crisp the balls. But they’re really living up to it and they had to get in home care to come into the home, even though somebody is always there with them. The family caregivers are exhausted. They cannot do it any more. Their patience is done. They just can’t do it, and so they have right now about twelve hours a day of in home care that comes in. They don’t have to do a lot of things, but it gives the reprieve in their own mind that they don’t have me if dad needs something. And now it’s just been going on for about six weeks and it seems to be working for them. Everybody’s adjusted to their new roles. So there’s when you said earlier in our first segment that you know there’s no one story fits all. One solution does not hit every human being. Part of the pet that goes through talking with us. It’s is what solutions will work for you. There are some other logistical things to consider when you have your parents come into your home, and one is just what other medical needs in terms of medications, Doctor’s appointments? Specialist do they need to have oxygen ordered? Who orders that? How do I make sure that happens? A lot of things for you to careiver, to learn just in you know, logistical things like, Oh, I didn’t know the medications came via the mail. Oh, should I set up a Medi set? That’s really hard to set up on me. He set. How do I have somebody else check it to make sure I’ve done it right? Right, let my parents still do their own medications. How independent are they? I mean, lots of things to think about. I have to tell you. This is subject is really close to my heart because my mom moved in with me and my husband and my mom was very independent and she’s doing just fine. But everything that we’ve talked about me had to do in our own home, change a bathroom, redo where our storage stuff is, because she’s got the basement now. I mean the big things. That yeah, and now what I’m finding is I’m also like, mom, can you just tell me when your doctor’s appointments are, just just for my peace of mind, because she’s now a part of my environment. She’s still would be still in charge of it, but now it’s it’s moved into my regular daily thought. What’s going on with my mom? I mean I go downstairs and I check on her. How you doing today? Mom? You know she’s and everything, but but I check on her. You know what’s your schedule for today and she tells me, but it’s something to add to your thought processes. Are you ready for that? Yeah, those are a lot of behind the same things we don’t think about. Absolutely. So before we go into our next segment, how do we reach you and a close senior Placementscom is our website and you can reaches at eight hundred and fifty five, seven, thirty four, one thousand five hundred and you can reach me. Well, we’re excited to explore this subject further and let’s talk a little bit about you know, the next up, if larm or done moves in, will be exploring this topic a lot more in the next segment. Will be right back. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom.
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Founder and CEO of Answers for Elders, Inc., Suzanne Newman proclaims often, “Caring for my mom was the hardest thing I ever have done, but it was also my greatest privilege.” Following a career of over 25 years in sales, media, and marketing management, Suzanne Newman found herself on a 6-year journey caring for her mother. Her trials and tribulations as a family caregiver inspired an impassioned life mission outside of the corporate world to revolutionize the journey that so many other American families also find themselves on. In 2009, she became the founder and CEO of Answers for Elders, Inc., subsequently hosting hundreds of radio segments and podcasts, as well as authoring her first book. Suzanne and Answers for Elders, Inc. have spent 14 years, and counting, committed to helping families and seniors along their caregiving journeys by providing education, resources, and support. Each week on the Answers for Elders podcast, Suzanne is joined by vetted professional experts in over 65 categories including Health & Wellness, Life Changes, Living Options, Money, Law, and more. Suzanne lives in Edmonds, Washington with her husband, Keith, and their two doodle dogs, Whidbey and Skagit.