Daphne Davis at Pinnacle Senior Placements discusses how to talk about best supporting their loved ones, whether it’s additional care in the home or a move. How do you talk about these sensitive subjects. Don’t wait to ask questions – don’t wait to gather information. People are afraid: you do your loved ones a disservice if you don’t learn more.
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*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.
The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. So welcome everyone to answers for elders radio and we are here for a very special program on aging in place month, in the month of April, and we are here with one of our very favorite guests of all time, Daphne Davis from panicles senior placements, and she’s going to be with us the entire hour today. Oh, fun. So, Daphne, welcome to answers for elders again, and you know every day. I want to first say thank you because Daphne and I went to Boulevard Church in bury in this last week and Daphne spoke to a wonderful group of seniors and we had a wonderful lunch and it was so great to kind of share that day with you. Well, think I had fun and they were a fun group, good questions, they were on tasks, they were paying attention, they I mean it was just fun. Well, it was really cool because we had a lady that came up on I had spoken previously and she told the story of when her husband passed away and that she was so grateful that she’d had that time with us, and so I guess what I want to say before we even start is if your church community is looking for answers or anything like that, Daphne and I are more than happy to come at no charge and speak to your spiritual community and we would love to do so. So absolutely, and we have a number of topics we can talk about. So just tell us your mind and we’ll see if we can do it, and I love that. So we are here. Obviously the month of April is aging in place month and it’s really about, you know, the best quality of life possible. And you know, aging of place is one of those tone you know, it’s a coined term that sometimes we don’t necessarily sit down and say what does it mean? And specifically in our case today we want to talk about families and how families can best support their loved one, not only as they live at home, but maybe there’s some transition issues that need to happen, whether it’s home care, whether it’s additional type of care into the home or a potential move as well. Yeah, so this is so near and dear to my heart right now and, thanks to all of your listeners, are listeners out here. I have had the great pleasure of helping people walk through this maze of information, and this is the theme that is coming up. How do I talk to my parents? How do I know what to do? What is what are the acronyms and what do they mean? And what does home care mean and home health mean, and what does it mean to move? And is it hard and how long does it take? In My mom and dad, they don’t want to give up their house and but how do you talk about this subject? That is and there’s we so have to do and definitely there’s so much fear, yes, seniors, because it’s about the unknown and they’re terrified of if I talk to somebody, then this might happen. That’s right. So they they tend to be protective, they tend to be very, I think, sometimes living above their abilities in a situation where they can be a fall risk or, you know, other types of situation. And this is the thing that we come up you know, for the last two years of talking to all of you, has been the theme of just reach out and ask for information. Nothing bad is going to happen. Nothing bad is going to happen. So it’s the it is truly not knowing. I’ve got story after story that I could share with all of you today, but what’s most near and dear to my heart is please, don’t wait to ask questions, don’t wait to gather information. As soon as you have the thought that I should be gathering information for my parents, I’m going to talk to the children here of our seniors. ACT ON IT right. I know you have fear. You have great feelings of respect for your parents, you have great feelings of want and wanting them to still be the patriarch and matriarch of your family. Spoke to somebody that is a daughter of a dear senior friend of mine and she said to me, Susanne, my mother would kill me if I talk to Daphney. This is the thing. Is Crazy. No, she want it’s like, no, she won’t, and but it’s trying to understand and really talk to the thing is you’re doing your parent actually a disservice by not getting the information. Yes, that’s available, because your fear is really bleeding into them. That’s right and that’s part of the you know the dynamic that happens. It is and it’s a hard dynamic. I have this personally right now today, happening. My motherin law fell a week ago, broke her wrist. She’s in Denver. She had to wait a number of days to get surgery. She got surgery. Now she’s in a rehab my husband and his sister and brother know nothing about what to do, more expect, and they’re all fearful and they have me around to have all the answers and questions and just, you know, conversation around the dinner table right. So I can only imagine when you don’t have this as a part of your your your circle of conversation exactly. It must be very fearful, because I know how we’re feeling. And so right now a couple of big thing themes came out. One is don’t be afraid to talk. Please just say the hardest sentence you can think of. Always say it with kindness respect. Not My I’m going to tell him my husband a little bit right now. But he says, well, I guess, Kathy and I just have to be a little more forceful. I’m like, no, forceful’s not it. Your mom is completely alert, cognitive, logical person. Explain to her what’s going on and he says Daphne, we don’t have these words. So today, Susan, I hope we can give some words and love that how to talk to someone when, when they can figure out things, but they need to be given permission to ask the questions and we are going to do that. But first I want to reintroduce you to at like, not like our listeners don’t already know yet. We are talking to Daphne Davis from pinnacles senior placements and Daphne, you help families. This is what you do every day, every day. So just give us a brief overview of what you do and what your team does. So what I do and what my team from Pinnacle Senior placements does is we actually answer the phone, we have conversation, find out your story and we help guide you through a maze of information. We answer your questions as you have them for us. If we see things that might be missing in your story, we may ask you a probing question, but only so that we can help your situation. Our services are free to you, the family. If I get paid is when your family may need a move. I don’t get paid in terms of just having consultation and that’s fine with me. I want to serve our senior population and their family, right, right. So we guide you through the process of what where are we at? You know, my mom is starting to trip a little bit, all right. I see her kind of hanging onto the wall as she’s walking, called wall walking, furniture walk. I have seen with these are just little things that you want to pay attention to because once a break happens in the body at a certain age, and it’s different for everybody, it takes a long time to heal and everything in their life will change, so that the goal of a family and my opinion is to be proactive, to be open with conversation, not to be afraid of talking about the elephant in the room and constantly to be telling your loved one there is no decision being made, we’re just having conversation, right. I’m not saying that you can’t live here, we’re just having conversation, right. So that’s a little bit about what we do. And then we also help families find if they need to move from their home, we find the right fit and that is a complicated scenario, of course it is. There’s many factors to play into that, health factors, emotional likes, and dislikes physical location, the budget that we have to work with, disease process. Is that maybe pleasant? Press interests, interest? What do you there like to location? Yeah, all of those things. What things make people crabby? Are they hard of hearing, so accents might be a little bit harder? Do they isolate themselves if they feel overwhelmed? Are they, you know, outgoing and chatty and need to be the life of the party? Those are all things that we talk about. That’s important. So let’s get back to words. So words. Okay. So back to my husband and sister in law. Primarily, he kept saying we need to be more forceful. I guess with my mom. Now, no, no, you want to just share information with your loved one. So that let me give you a real scenario, and I’m going to just use words because they’re my loved ones. Names Margaret is at a Rehab and Denver and she is needing more services because she broke her wrist. She doesn’t know what services are available. She doesn’t know what she can ask for or not. My husband’s perspective was, well, she really could use a bath or something, but nobody’s talking about it to her and she probably doesn’t know if she can ask for a bath and maybe she’s thinking that she has to be able to do it herself. So something is simple as that wow you. You need to just talk about it out loud. And so my husband now is back in Seattle and I said, well, we need to give Margaret empowerment that she can ask whatever questions she wants to ask exactly. And there’s no superhuman Superman superwoman Cape on her right now. She’s to just relax and heal her wrist. So something as simple as that, you think we’d know what to do with it. MMM, but it’s not forceful, it’s mom. You know, I think we can ask any questions here. Let’s just ask about XYZ. You know, I’d like a cup of tea and to set a coffee. My pillows are just flat. Can I get new pillows? MMM, ask, HMM, ask. Of course you can. Yes, you’re not going to be a bother, you’re not going to be too much work. You are going to be a delight to the caregivers, because what I hear all the time, whether it be an assisted living, memory care, adult family homes, Rehab Facilities, I love the people who will articulate their thoughts. I love the people who will speak up for themselves. I love the people who will advocate for themselves. So empower your loved ones to advocate for themselves. They are not what I bother. I think it goes into the fact that it is our joy to give to our seniors, the ones that we loved, and if we know with what they want, it makes it easier on us. It’s the fact that sometimes, if dad or mom are locked up and they don’t you know what, they’re so full of fear that they and they’re so isolated because they don’t want to let us in. That’s the hardest thing on is the adult child. It is so in speaking to the seniors out there listening to me, be courageous, be bold, step forward. Let’s let your loved ones know you know what. I’m really looking forward to your support. Yes, I can process information, yes, I can think logically. Yes, I can, you know, gather information myself, but I’m tired. Yeah, could you help me with it? Yes, absolutely, love your perspective. Let your children know that you would like their perspective. You can still say it’s my decision, and you you know I but I’m and it’s always your decision is like as you can think for yourself, and that’s the thing. I think that it’s really amazing. So, Daphnitely, how do we reach you so you can reach me at eight hundred and fifty five, seven thirty four, one thousand five hundred is my direct phoneline, or at Pinnacle senior placements with an Scom is my website. Awesome and Daphne will be back very soon in our next segment as we continue this topic. How do we deal with parents at home in a pending transition? The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom
Suzanne Newman, host of the Answers for Elders radio show and podcast, proclaims often, “Caring for my mom was the hardest thing I ever have done, but it was also my greatest privilege.” Following a career of over 25 years in sales, media, and marketing management, Suzanne embarked on a 6-year-journey caring for her mother. Her trials and tribulations as a family caregiver inspired an impassioned life mission outside of the corporate world to revolutionize the journey that so many other American families also find themselves on. Answers for Elders provides education, help, and support to families, caregivers, and seniors across the country who are experiencing their own unique journey within the complicated world of Eldercare. Each week, Suzanne is joined by vetted professional experts in over 65 categories including health & wellness, life changes, living options, money, law, and more. Suzanne lives in Edmonds, Washington with her husband, Keith, and their two doodle dogs, Whidbey and Skagit.