How do you help a senior family member adjust, whether it’s a move to assisted living or adjust to home care? Daphne Davis at Pinnacle Senior Placements says the approach and knowledge is key. Imagine: someone new comes into their home – they may be a shower aide – so we’re talking about some modesty issues and huge trust issues, there could be some communication issues, and the feeling of vulnerability our loved one has. Empower your family members, let them know it’s still their home, and they’re still in the driver’s seat.
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*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.
The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. And Welcome back to answers for elders radio everyone, and we are here with again our wonderful best information post in the world, Daphne Davis from Pinnacle senior placements, and we’re talking about, you know, preparation, planning, New Beginnings, and the main thing that I think Daphne is here to discuss is how do you make these adjustments? You know, it’s a big, big deal, obviously, for families to be in a situation where they’re trying to now make an adjustment, whether it’s to move to assist a living daphne or if it’s home care, it’s bringing somebody in, there’s still that element of how can family members be the best support for their parents? Love this topic because this is what I do all the time a Parnis. It’s a hard topic, it is sure, because families don’t know where they fit in and they want to help and sometimes they either do too much or they don’t do enough or they don’t approach it in the right way. And when I’m finding most often is it’s the approach and not having knowledge ahead of time to be able to be preemptive. So let’s just talk with let’s say you’re starting with some in home care and you have caregivers coming into the home maybe four hours a day and they’re going to start the day for your parents and getting them going and having a good breakfast and then compare a lunch for them. So that’s there, and then you’re finishing up the day on the evening and and so you’ve got this kind of basic rhythm going. But how does that happen when somebody that you don’t know comes into their home is going to, in some cases, want to be all hands on deck because they need physical help, they may be a shower aid. So we’re talking about some modesty issues, we’re talking about huge trust issues. It could be some communication issues and it’s that feeling of vulnerability that absolutely our loved one has. That’s right. But even even beyond that, simpler than that is just the mechanics of how do you have someone come into your home and how do you start building a relationship of trust? How do you establish the boundaries of what you want? This is your castle, mom and Dad. You are still in charge. You set the tone and you have people here to support you. But how do we do that? And so, as loved ones of the people receiving care of your the daughter the sun, listen closely to this piece. Empower your family members. Everything that comes out of your mouth is empowerment. Nothing about you can’t do this, you can’t do that, this is going to be different. Sorry, I can’t do anything about that, but empower them. Of How do they get through the change? So give us example. I’ll give you. I got tons of them. So let’s say it’s Dad. You know that he’s at home and he’s had his routine and he has the same thing for breakfast every day and isn’t even interested in smelling or having bacon or sausage. He wants Chereos and that’s it. Yeah, you tell dad you know what you like. Gladys, who’s coming in as the caregiver, you let her know that every day I’d like to have Cherios. Please don’t even try to entice me with a waffle and strawberries. I just want my Cherios. Empower him to know that this is Your Castle, Dad. You can still do what you’ve been doing forever and ever. No one’s going to shove anything down your throat. That’s so important. It’s a simple thing, but we forget about that, because now someone’s coming in him to my home and they’re going to want me to eat differently, they’re going to want me to walk differently, they’re going to want me to sit in the chair only for two hours and then move and reposition. But you know what, empower your family’s to know that those are things that are going to come up, because that’s why we’re getting care right. But you still are in the driver’s seat if you really don’t want to sit in a particular chair, even though it’s good to give some relief to your backside. You sell to them and then that caregiver is responsibility is to say, George, you’re right. Can we talk about it about fifteen or twenty minutes or after your TV program is off, because we do need to make a change to make sure that you stay healthy and your skin isn’tact. But empower them to have conversation, to speak for themselves. You know, that is such a simple thing, and yet it’s something that, I think you’re right, people forget. Yeah, sometimes it’s like I remember perfect example. I used to take my mother to the doctor a lot, you know, when I was taking care of her, and I remember distinctly there was one doctor that we went to. He talked to me instead of my mother. Yeah, and I’m going like I stopped him. I put my hand up and I said talk to my mother please. It’s like she’s not yeah, she has maybe a little bit of dementia, but this is her her health. It’s it’s important for her to feel like she’s heard and don’t talk, you know, past it, and I think that’s true with siblings, that we may do that, you know, to have conversations, because maybe mom or dad don’t make me think as fast as we do, and that’s right there. They might be a little bit slower or whatever. So take the time, slow down and have that that acknowledgement that there’s still a part of this. That’s right, it’s okay. They say part of this. Dad, I know you’re going to get your words out. We’ve got all the time in the world. Take your time. What you have to say is important. It’s so important that you postures yourself as as the son or daughter. You know, the facilitat that with a can do position, that nothing’s a big deal. We can work through any thing and you are still in charge. Nothing is going to be decided without your input. Now, we all know that sometimes dad’s input might not be aware of safety judgment, but we can language in a way that says dad, great idea, when your legs are working really well and your balance is on and you just had some good protein and you’ve slept well, all they’re going to do that. But right now, at this moment, I really need you to help the caregiver support you so you keep your independence. Let the Care Giver Support You. You are a wise man to let someone support you so that you keep your independence right, so you don’t have a fall, so we don’t have something happened that you. You get dehydrated and now you have to go to the hospital to get hydrated and everything goes to Flui MMM, give them enough information in a way that they are in charge, not that love it. You’re eighty years old and your body needs more fluid than you ever are used to. I’m sorry, Dad, you have to drink eate classes of water day. Guess that’s not it. This is about, like. The bottom line is it’s about respect, it is dignity, about the dignity and respect. And we are talking again to our wonderful best information champion for seniors, and that is Daphne Davis, and Daphne’s from pinnacles senior placements. And tell us a little bit about where you’re located. Definite. Well, we are solidly servicing everything from s matchet county to Thurston County. Now our heart is right in the middle of that spread. We go out onto the peninsula as well. We’re here to help anybody and everybody that we that needs the helping and has the courage to ask for it, wells needed. And you know, what you do is really help to keep that dignity. We do that and that respect intact right. You know, one of the things that really strikes me about what you do is is that you take that the hard things away from the families. You know, really you do. You don’t have to put yourself in the middle of, you know, parenting your parent, which will never go over ever, and just let you know, let somebody like Daphne to our listeners. Let somebody like Daphne come in and help your family. It costs nothing to you, zero to you. And Daphne’s well enough connected. She knows the resources out there and help you guys navigate this really difficult, confusing path of, you know, aging care, because about knowing your options. Yes, you know, in the twenty years that I’ve been doing this job now, which I have to tell everyone, I love my job. So nothing will dissuade me from helping you. Right finances, location, family drama, bring it on. I’m here to help you because I really hope someone, and all honesty, will be around to help my family when I need the extra support and I can’t hear it from my kids. That’s the bottom line. They just can’t hear it from you. So when you’re making changes, just keep my que is empowerment. When you’re starting the conversation and you invite me into your home, just make sure that mom and dad know zero decisions are being made today. You none. We are only gathering information and, mom and dad, we really want to hear your opinion and your thoughts about this. You are in the driver’s seat and Daphney’s going to help guide us on how to have this conversation because you know, mom and Dad, we’ve had this conversation or tried to, and we just escalated into not hearing each other. Daphne’s going to help us be able to hear each other. That’s what I do as what I love doing. If you get to the place where you have to have the hard conversation, that says, Dad, this is worked for the last three years for you to be in your own home. But we’re reaching the place where the following has kind of jumped in front of me. I’m here. I’ve invited Daphney to come and see if I’m crazy and making them out not out of a mole hill, and also for her to hear your perspective of Dad. Why is it so hard for me to get you to drink some fluid? You know it’s such a medicinal thing for you and such a simple thing, but maybe she’s got a way of saying it to you that you can hear, and so she’s not here to make decisions, she’s here to air or may experience. Maybe the fluid is just maybe dad doesn’t know how to say, you know, I just don’t like it. Maybe you need to put a little bit of lemon juice in there. Are you know a caregiver is going to understand specifically what it is to it might be cold. You’ve given him ice all the time and it hurts his teeth and he doesn’t, you know, not it, because that’s what they don’t they don’t say don’t say it. And that’s where the empowerment comes in. Really, if there’s a word to take home today, it’s empowerment. I love empower them to speak up for themselves in the way that they can, and you know, that helps from the very beginning all the way through, and I don’t care if your parent has dementia or Alzheimer’s. There if they have the ability to start speaking up. There’s sometimes they’re going to say things that don’t make any sense. There’s sometimes they’re going to say things that are going to push your buttons, and I always encourage you know, families is there is they’re dealing with, you know, conflicts of their parents is realizing that. I do not believe, ever, that it is a parents intention to hurt their adult child. Ever, fortunately, a lot of times people will say, well, my dad was cruel to me, you know, or my dad is this or my mom is that. It’s like, take a deep breath, walk around the block if you have to, and, third develop a sense of humor. I mean, sometimes it’s just a matter of, you know, just relax and realize that there’s some certain things, but never take that voice away. It’s so important and I think that’s really our key thing today is, you know, keep that line of communication in terms of empowerment, and it takes work to language, to not be reactive but rather to be listening in a way that that you’re hearing, you’re not preparing for your next comeback. Right. You, as the family caregivers that are in this situation, try really hard to implement that and you will have less behaviors. If you have behaviors, there because of an unmet need. Right. They’re not because of maliciousness, they’re not because of you know, family patterns. They’re all about an unmet need. So definitely, how do we reach you? You can reach me at Pinnacle Senior Placementscom or at eight hundred and fifty five, three hundred and seven, four one thousand fifteen hundred. I’m so glad you’re with US always. Thanks again that when you’re so well. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio to contact pinnacles senior placements, go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom
Suzanne Newman, host of the Answers for Elders radio show and podcast, proclaims often, “Caring for my mom was the hardest thing I ever have done, but it was also my greatest privilege.” Following a career of over 25 years in sales, media, and marketing management, Suzanne embarked on a 6-year-journey caring for her mother. Her trials and tribulations as a family caregiver inspired an impassioned life mission outside of the corporate world to revolutionize the journey that so many other American families also find themselves on. Answers for Elders provides education, help, and support to families, caregivers, and seniors across the country who are experiencing their own unique journey within the complicated world of Eldercare. Each week, Suzanne is joined by vetted professional experts in over 65 categories including health & wellness, life changes, living options, money, law, and more. Suzanne lives in Edmonds, Washington with her husband, Keith, and their two doodle dogs, Whidbey and Skagit.