Rather than being an ostrich, or compromising your family’s quality of life, Daphne Davis at Pinnacle Senior Placements suggests a new perspective: consider that if your parents were to move somewhere else, they would have a next chapter in their lives, and our goal is for it to be highest quality. Gather information, have the courage, and start the conversations. There’s so much resistance.
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*The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.
The following podcast is provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. And Welcome to answers for elders radio. Everyone. I am back here with our wonderful Daphne Davis as we are talking about healthcare in the month of February and obviously a big thing about what you do, Daphne, is first of all, I’m so glad you’re here because it’s great and we’re all, you know, in the buzz of all kinds of things happening with the winter and all kinds of changes in the world. But there’s a lot of changes going on with families and I think the other thing is the winter months sometimes is the hardest for seniors. I think it really is. It gets dark early. Yeah, they depressing short and you know, and they don’t get out often because of icy roads or, you know, just bad weather and they don’t necessarily drive very much. And so, you know, I’m so glad you’re here to talk about quality of life, because that’s just so I think one of the things that families are just getting by, I’ll often times, and they’re not not really taking that next step to make the quality of life better for their loved one, and I think that’s something that you could probably help us with today. Well, it brings up some subjects that are sometimes hard to talk about, and that’s the feelings of Gil, the feelings of expectations we put on ourselves, the feelings of what your neighbors and your your supportive group thinks that we should be doing. And until someone’s walked in your shoes, they don’t get to have an opinion. They can be supportive, but they don’t have an opinion that should be a part of your equation until they know what you’re going through on a daily basis. And so I would like to just kind of take take the blinders off and say in our American culture, and some people are going to disagree with this, but in our American culture we are not good at honoring our elders. No, we’re not. We don’t know how to live multigenerational in the same house. And so it’s not a bad or a good thing, it’s a thing. And so with that thing, let’s honor it, let’s feel hard. That me to honor that because I think it’s wrong. But you know what, and again I’m going to take the position of it’s not right or wrong, it’s a thing, it is the thing and it’s just our American culture. It is what it is. So with that. Maybe in generations to come, maybe economics, maybe housing situations are going to cause us to change, but currently that’s not where we are. True, and so let’s live with where we are. And that means that we need to have support. And so, rather than being an ostrich, rather than saying, well, I want to look at options, but I’m not going to rather than compromising your family’s quality of health, or I’m got all it ay and I because I don’t want to deal with I’m just going to avoid it, or I don’t want to take on my family members who are adamant about mom and dad staying in their house. Well, you know what, let’s take the blinders off and consider that if your parents were to move some place else and not worry about the house itself. Yes, your dad may not have the things that he supposedly is puttering with around the house because he’s a putterer, or mom may not have as many cupboards to organize or drawers to go through. Where they choose to leave their home and look at assistant living or independent assisted living. Nonetheless, they are going to have the next chapter of their life and our goal is to keep that dignified, safe and high quality. It may be different on the other side of the fence. The grass very well, maybe greener on the other side of the fence, but let’s gather information and not be ostriches. Yeah, let’s have the conversations, let’s Tiptoe be what do you think? This is really interesting that you say this, because I’ve noticed, at least in my years of working with seniors, there’s so much resistance to a better quality of life for seniors. It’s like, and I think it comes equally from the seniors, but it’s even almost more than where the children and the adult children, and I don’t really understand what that’s about sometimes. Well, from Daphne’s humble opinion, I would say it’s because we innately have the idea that we are social being and we do have connected this with our families and we do have responsibility. So I believe there’s an innate just as you said. Well, I think it’s wrong that we don’t take care of our elders. You know, I think that’s innate in us well, and I think the other thing is probably somebody like you and I were more dialed in to it from a from a you know, just because what we do in our work, at everyday world where I think a lot of families they compartmentalized. You know, they’ve got their you know, their job over here, their immediate family, their their siblings over here, and then they got mom and dad and it’s kind of it doesn’t necessarily, I think, equate or they don’t really understand that, you know, mom or dad might need more help than we realize because we’re so busy ball in other things. Yes, and so to maintain that quality of life it is to kind of take a deep breath and say, you know what, I’m going to have the courage to have this conversation with my mom. I mean she has been in our same house for fifty nine years. She’s raised six boys here, whatever the story is, and I can’t even begin to imagine my mom not living in the same house from her perspective, my perspective, man, what a relief that would be if I didn’t have to come and clean the gutters, I didn’t have to make sure that she was able to get her mail, you know, etc. Those those logistical things, have courage to say, let’s explore I know I’m kind of beating a dead horse here, but it is so true to be able to gather information so that you can make an informed decision, have informed conversations, that that look at things from your parents perspective, that maybe mom really does want to explore playing Bingo. She’s never done at her whole life, but she would like to know how does that DAB or work? That I cover up my numbers on the card? How, you know? How do people find joy from that? My mom would say that that’s a waste of time. I’m not going to do that, but she might have some curiosity once she’s some place or make a new friend or go yeah, I’ve been thinking this is like a waste of time forever to do these Parlor Games. Know they’re conversational and I get to know someone and maybe even have a laugh or two, you know the things that may be missing and have some socialization or have some different things. And you know, the thing that’s really great about the world around us is there’s so many things and so many resources out there and ninety nine percent of families don’t understand what they are they don’t, and so they just you know, and so it’s sometimes a big frustration point for me. It’s always been. Sometimes I feel like I want to tear my hair out because I want to help and I think sometimes I’ll come on too strong, saying well, you need to do you know, you could do this and do that and all. And the thing is it’s out of, I think, my desire to want to have that higher quality of life or their loved one, and it’s sometimes hard when that’s, you know, pushed back. Right it is, and it’s mainly from fear, lack of information. I don’t know how to talk to my mom. My mom is, you know, she’s not going to go anywhere, you know, but have somebody help you through that. The quality of life for our elders can be elevated. It could be something as simple as having a caregiver come in once a week for three hours on that day and they take them to the senior center. And your mom’s like that’s for old people, you know, and in my eighty eight years old father said that, Yeah, God, Dad, they’re probably all younger than you. Yeah, all right, but you know, it’s having somebody that knows how to language who is not the daughter or the absolutely big different. It is a huge difference and just have that little exploration of into the Community of other elders. So we are talking to the most wonderful dedicated person for the highest quality of life for seniors and that is Daphne Davis and from Pinnacle senior placements. And Daphne tell us a little bit about where pinnacle works in the area. Pinnacle Right now is able to solidly support everywhere from skatchet county to Thurston County and out onto the pen and Sola. Thanks to all of you and having the courage to call, we’ve been able to grow our business a little bit more to being very stable. Yeah, when you first started you were in like South King County and Pierce County and now you’re all the way up to Skatgut County and all the way down to Thurston and including, you know, the east side. Yeah, and it’s incredible what kind of things that you’ve been able to do for families here, and I think that’s the thing that we’re getting so many I mean one of the things that I’ve gotten feedback on from so many people that I’ve sent you know, to you is definitely made it so easy. It’s like it doesn’t have to be hard for your families and it doesn’t cost your family a dime to bring her in for a conversation and and you know talking about that greater quality of life is don’t spring on. This is Suzanne’s advice here. Don’t spring on saying we’re having this conversation right now. My advice to our listeners out there is take the time to say, now that it’s a New Year and you know we’re into February, mom and dad, I just like to come over, set a time, maybe it’s two weeks from now, maybe it’s a week for now, and I want to have a conversations about your desires, you know what’s most important to you as you’re aging, and then bring somebody like Daphne with you that can facilitate the conversation so you guys don’t have to get into it. And the other thing that it will help is it will help your parents be heard. Yep, because Daphne’s going to make sure that that happens. I mean, isn’t that true? We walk through the tears, we walk through the anger, we walk through the walls that are just so thick you can’t get anywhere and God’s given me that gift to be able to break through that. And so thank you so much to all of you who have been calling, who have invited me into your home and helping you through this journey, because it is a journey we want. Everyone wants the best for their parents, everybody. They do. It’s just we don’t know how to do it. And when you get the pushback of saying, you know, we’d like to have this conversation and find out your desires, oh well, you know my desires. I’m fine right here. I don’t need any more help. I I’m happy. No, I don’t need to go any place. Church is fine on Sunday, you know, whatever it is. But for me to be able to or any of our advisors be able to help facilitate that in a way that builds trust and confidence so that someone does feel heard and wellbeing. I suggest that feeling of you know, mom or Dad ORS is okay, and that’s the thing that I think is such a missing peace and so many times that you know, I hear that concern, even they’re not they’re they’re not saying it, but I can hear that concern with family members sometimes. Well, mom and dad, you know, they’re still at home and I can just I pick up what’s not being set and it’s right. Nervous about it. They’re nervous and yet, you know, it’s having that feeling of you know, we’ve had these conversations. Now we know what the Path is before the path even has to happen. That’s right. That’s that. We talk a lot about that beginning piece, but there are so many more things in it. Talking about the finances, the actual move, if that’s morranted. How do we do that? How do I have the conversation? What are the legal things that have to be done? What state wax have to be fulfilled in order to receive care? We help you with all of that. I’d love that. Yet that’s that’s so important, I tell you. So, how do we reach you? Jack? You well, you can reach me on the phone any time at eight hundred and fifty five, seven, thirty four, one, one five hundred, and I do say every time, anytime. I will answer the phone. I’m the one who answers it. You’ll get me. If I’m busy with my family, I’ll say a hold on. You know, I’ll let it go to voicemail, but I will get back to you. To eight hundred and fifty five, seven, three, four thousand and fifteen hundred, and also a pinnacle senior Placementscom and at our website you can find a wealth of information. Some of the previous podcasts are their connections to answers for elders radio is there as well. Wonderful. Thanks for being on the show today. Thank you. The preceding podcast was provided by pinnacles senior placements LLC and answers for elders radio. To contact pinnacles senior placements go to Pinnacle Senior Placementscom.
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Originally published February 16, 2019